View source for Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Jesse L. Brown/archive1

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:''The following is an archived discussion of a [[Wikipedia:featured article candidates|featured article nomination]]. <span style="color:red">'''Please do not modify it.'''</span> Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in [[Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates]]. No further edits should be made to this page.''

The article was '''promoted''' by [[User:GrahamColm|GrahamColm]] 18:56, 24 March 2012 [http://en.wikipedia.org/enwiki/w/index.php?diff=prev&oldid=483723615].
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===[[Jesse L. Brown]]===

<noinclude>{{la|Jesse L. Brown}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article tools|1=Jesse L. Brown}}</noinclude>

<!-- Please don't edit anything above here. Be sure to include your reasons for nominating below. -->
:<small>''Nominator(s): —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 23:05, 25 February 2012 (UTC)''</small>

I am nominating this for featured article. It's a Good Article and has passed a MILHIST A-class review. I'd hoped to get it up for [[Black History Month]] but got delayed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 23:05, 25 February 2012 (UTC)

'''Sources and images''' but no spotchecks, PD attribution template present. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 17:36, 29 February 2012 (UTC)
*Be consistent in when "midshipman" is capitalized - differs between caption and article text
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*As File:Naval_Aviator_Badge.jpg is a photo of a 3D object, need to provide licensing info for both the photo and the object itself
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*File:United_Nations_Service_Medal_for_Korea_ribbon.png: do UN service ribbons fall under a similar PD ruling as US ones? On what source was this image based?
**I believe in a previous FAC it was established that they do fall under a similar PD. Either way, the US government created a PD version of the work. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*FN 1: entry name shouldn't be italicized. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 17:36, 29 February 2012 (UTC)
**Fixed, I think. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:02, 10 March 2012 (UTC)

Crisco 1492 comments:
:''Addressed comments from Crisco 1492 and discussion related to them moved to talk page''
*'''Support''' -- Striking [[User:Crisco 1492|Crisco 1492]] ([[User talk:Crisco 1492|talk]]) 15:49, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
'''Comments'''.  As always, feel free to revert my copyediting.  Please check the edit summaries; [[WP:Checklist]] will explain some of them. - Dank ([[User talk:Dank|push to talk]])
*"further to the north": if the source says "outside the South" or similar, then I think that's the best way to put it.
**Done, while linking to [[Southern United States]] for clarity. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*"There, his enlistment ended 15 April and Brown reverted to the rank of midshipman, becoming the only African American in the program.": I'm not following.
**Brown's enlistment ended and he ceased to be an active US Navy member and became a full-time midshipman (a pseudo-rank similar to [[cadet]]) and as such, he was the only midshipman at that training school. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*"At this point, he could reveal his marriage to his superiors.": This would work better combined with the last sentence of the paragraph.
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*"Brown crashed into a bowl-shaped valley at approximately {{coord|40|36|N|127|06|E}}": I don't think it's the best use of everyone's time to have an argument about icons and pictographs in running text every time they come up.  I'll raise the subject at [[WT:MIL]] and see if we can get some answers.
**Yeah, I had no idea to do with that or how to form it into a sentence or footnote. I wasn't sure if it would be OR to say it was near some landmark or something. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
***I don't think that would be OR, and Dschwen has removed the icon (although it still shows up on just this page for me for some reason!)  As long as the icon's gone, I'd say "near (nearest town) (at {{coord|40|36|N|127|06|E}})". But I can support the way you have it, too. - Dank ([[User talk:Dank|push to talk]]) 02:50, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
*'''Support''' on prose per [[User:Dank/Copyediting|standard disclaimer]], <s>contingent on addressing my and Crisco's few remaining points.</s> [http://toolserver.org/~overlordq/scripts/articlecontribs.fcgi?lang=en&family=wikipedia&article=Jesse_L._Brown&user=Dank&sub=1 These] are my edits. - Dank ([[User talk:Dank|push to talk]]) 17:22, 8 March 2012 (UTC)
**Let me know if there are any more fixes. Thanks for your review and your copy edits! —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:38, 10 March 2012 (UTC)

*What's this missing, a source spotcheck? Nikki did source formatting and images, and two editors have weighed in on prose. [[User:Crisco 1492|Crisco 1492]] ([[User talk:Crisco 1492|talk]]) 23:16, 17 March 2012 (UTC)
**I think typically they just look for a third support. I'm not sure what to do to reel one in without canvassing. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:12, 18 March 2012 (UTC)
***I have [[Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Chrisye/archive1|the same problem]]. Hmm... [[User:Crisco 1492|Crisco 1492]] ([[User talk:Crisco 1492|talk]]) 00:38, 18 March 2012 (UTC)

*I'll try to review this today or tomorrow. No guarantees that I'll support though :) [[User:Mark Arsten|Mark Arsten]] ([[User talk:Mark Arsten|talk]]) 20:13, 18 March 2012 (UTC)
*I might make some small copyedits as I got through, I won't be offended if you revert.
**By all means! It can always use refinement. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 03:50, 19 March 2012 (UTC)
*Just checking, but Lura was his brother and Johnny was his sister?
**Yeah, I rechecked that with the sources several times. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 03:50, 19 March 2012 (UTC)
*No article on [[Lux, Mississippi]]? How odd. 
**Agreed, but I could find no community directly going by that name. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 03:50, 19 March 2012 (UTC)
*"In fall 1944..." I think this might fall afoul of [[WP:SEASON]]. 
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)

*"he found the other cadets were generally friendly and welcoming of him.[15] However, he found many of the black cooks and janitors hostile to him" Very interesting, do any of the sources explain why? 
**Clarified in text. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
*"After he completed this training, he was moved to Jacksonville, Florida, for his final training." Is there a good way to avoid the repetition of "training" here? 
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
*Should "east coast" be capitalized? (Honestly not sure.)
**Yes, it should. Fixed it. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
*Minor issue, but in the last paragraph of '''Military career''' you start consecutive sentences with "Brown..." (The first three sentences of that paragraph are also kinda short, maybe try to combine a couple.)
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
*Did you intend to use the serial comma? I see "installations around Wonsan, Chongpu, Songjim and Senanju" and then "squadron executive officer Lieutenant Commander Dick Cevoli, Lieutenant George Hudson, Lieutenant Junior Grade Bill Koenig, Ensign Ralph McQueen, and Lieutenant Junior Grade Thomas J. Hudner, Jr." 
**Fixed so there are no serial commas. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
*"was forced to leave at nightfall with Hudner, leaving Brown behind." Is there a good way to avoid the "leave... leaving" here? *Maybe not the name of Taylor's book in the text? 
**Fixed. —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
*Alright, that's all I could spot, very well written, fascinating article. [[User:Mark Arsten|Mark Arsten]] ([[User talk:Mark Arsten|talk]]) 02:55, 19 March 2012 (UTC)

**I've fixed everything. Thanks for your review! —[[User:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''Ed!'''</span>]]<sup>[[User talk:Ed!|<span style="color:black;">'''(talk)'''</span>]]</sup> 00:00, 22 March 2012 (UTC)
***Ok, all the issues that I could spot have been resolved, so I am happy to '''Support''' this article's promotion to featured status. [[User:Mark Arsten|Mark Arsten]] ([[User talk:Mark Arsten|talk]]) 00:10, 22 March 2012 (UTC)


:''The above discussion is preserved as an archive. <span style="color:red">'''Please do not modify it.'''</span> No further edits should be made to this page.''</div><!--FAbottom--><!--Tagged by FA bot-->