Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Zoo TV Tour/archive1: Difference between revisions
Appearance
Content deleted Content added
Kitchen roll (talk | contribs) support |
MalnadachBot (talk | contribs) m Fixed Lint errors. (Task 12) |
||
(37 intermediate revisions by 9 users not shown) | |||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
<!--FAtop--><div class="boilerplate metadata afd vfd xfd-closed" style="background-color: #E6F2FF; margin: 2em 0 0 0; padding: 0 10px 0 10px; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA;"> |
|||
:''The following is an archived discussion of a [[Wikipedia:featured article candidates|featured article nomination]]. <span style="color:red">'''Please do not modify it.'''</span> Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in [[Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates]]. No further edits should be made to this page.'' |
|||
The article was '''promoted''' by [[User:SandyGeorgia|SandyGeorgia]] 18:13, 1 May 2011 [http://en.wikipedia.org/enwiki/w/index.php?diff=prev&oldid=426925031]. |
|||
---- |
|||
===[[Zoo TV Tour]]=== |
===[[Zoo TV Tour]]=== |
||
Line 47: | Line 53: | ||
::I'm not sure what keywords you used to search to get the page number for Dalton, as I was unable to do it. In any case, I got some information back from fellow U2 WikiProject members that I've added to the article. For a few articles, the archived versions provided the start page and the amount of pages in the article, but that doesn't get me to the range, as magazines frequently complete their stories later in the publications or can have advertisements interrupting the article. In those situations, is it OK, if I just indicate the page numbers as, for example, "40+", to indicate the article starts on page 40 and features multiple pages after that? [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 18:56, 4 April 2011 (UTC) |
::I'm not sure what keywords you used to search to get the page number for Dalton, as I was unable to do it. In any case, I got some information back from fellow U2 WikiProject members that I've added to the article. For a few articles, the archived versions provided the start page and the amount of pages in the article, but that doesn't get me to the range, as magazines frequently complete their stories later in the publications or can have advertisements interrupting the article. In those situations, is it OK, if I just indicate the page numbers as, for example, "40+", to indicate the article starts on page 40 and features multiple pages after that? [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 18:56, 4 April 2011 (UTC) |
||
:::I guess that might work if you really can't find the correct page ranges. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 13:20, 7 April 2011 (UTC) |
:::I guess that might work if you really can't find the correct page ranges. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 13:20, 7 April 2011 (UTC) |
||
::I've added all page number information that was available from the archives that [[User:Dream out loud|Dream out loud]] could access. Some of the archived articles didn't have any information about pages, unfortunately, while most other articles/publications were not available in said archive. I don't know that we'll get page numbers for everything, which leads me to think it might be better for consistency if we remove them altogether. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 12:55, 13 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
'''Further sources comment''': I have been asked to look at the sources to see if any further work is necessary on this aspect. The sources and citations generally look in good order, and I think that Nikkimaria's main concerns have been addressed. Just a couple of points: |
|||
*General Comment. While the article is quite good and very detailed, I'm unsure if the subject matter lends itself to FAC's 'completeness' idea without getting pretty far off the topic of the tour and into the bands development before (during the recording of Auchtung, Baby) and after/unrelated cotemporanious time. If others feel the article meets the technical criteria, I certainly do not oppose FA. --[[User:Rocksanddirt|Rocksanddirt]] ([[User talk:Rocksanddirt|talk]]) 00:45, 25 March 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*Page numbers: I think the concern is where page numbers are not shown for journal or newspaper articles where there is no online link, not otherwise. For example, ref 25 is to a ''Melody Maker'' article from 1998. There is no online link; presumably you have read this article in hard copy form and should therefore have its page number. Likewise ref 26 (''Hot Press'') and a few others such as 163. |
|||
*Fallon: I understand that it is the ''existence'' rather than the content of this book that is being cited, but that is not immediately obvious. To get round this I reccommend replacing the short citation "Fallon 2004" with the full bibliographical entry. Incidentally, it is usual to give an author's initials as "B.P." rather than "BP". |
|||
Other than on these minor issues, I believe that sources criteria are satisfied. This article has been on the FAC page for a month now and has attracted two supports, no opposes at present. The nominator has it seems made every effort to respond to reviewers' concerns. I would request that the delegates give me a couple of days – no more – before closure, for a detailed reading so that I can make a declaration one way or the other. [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 19:11, 22 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:Ok, so I've made a little headway with your concerns. The Fallon reference has been changed as you suggested - I've kept his first name BP, since that is how I've always seen it written (particularly checking Google) and that's how his Wikipedia article is formatted. Some of the articles have paid-for versions of the articles online (e.g. Hot Press, Details) so I've linked to them, making them web citations essentially. Some of the articles I couldn't find print information for have been removed, as they were backup citations used to reinforce a point but where other sources were available. There is still some a handful of works that I can't locate page numbers for because the only versions I have available to me are the texts archived on a U2 fan site, and there are copyvio concerns with linking to these archives (e.g. Propaganda, Q). [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 06:20, 24 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*'''General Comment'''. While the article is quite good and very detailed, I'm unsure if the subject matter lends itself to FAC's 'completeness' idea without getting pretty far off the topic of the tour and into the bands development before (during the recording of Auchtung, Baby) and after/unrelated cotemporanious time. If others feel the article meets the technical criteria, I certainly do not oppose FA. --[[User:Rocksanddirt|Rocksanddirt]] ([[User talk:Rocksanddirt|talk]]) 00:45, 25 March 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::I checked back and every paragraph in the "Conception" section is about the artistic gestation of the tour. Yes, this happened during some of the same times that the album was being recorded, but they were two different if parallel artistic processes. As for the "Impact and legacy" section, I think it's important to indicate the personal effect that this massive undertaking had on the band, and also the artistic echoes from the tour that persisted for a number of years. (However I do think the paragraph about the PopMart Tour could be removed ... other later U2 tours were compared to Zoo TV as well, and every U2 member probably has a different favorite one; I'm not sure why PopMart gets special attention here.) [[User:Wasted Time R|Wasted Time R]] ([[User talk:Wasted Time R|talk]]) 02:37, 23 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*<s>'''Oppose'''</s> '''Support'''. I think this is a decent article as it stands, but given that Zoo TV is one of the most creative/written about/'important' concert tours of all time, some things should be addressed before it achieves FA status: |
*<s>'''Oppose'''</s> '''Support'''. I think this is a decent article as it stands, but given that Zoo TV is one of the most creative/written about/'important' concert tours of all time, some things should be addressed before it achieves FA status: |
||
Line 97: | Line 114: | ||
:::[http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl103.html "Copyright does not protect the mechanical or utilitarian aspects of such works of craftsmanship. Copyright may, however, protect any pictorial, graphic, or sculptural authorship that can be identified separately from the utilitarian aspects of an object"]. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 20:44, 6 April 2011 (UTC) |
:::[http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl103.html "Copyright does not protect the mechanical or utilitarian aspects of such works of craftsmanship. Copyright may, however, protect any pictorial, graphic, or sculptural authorship that can be identified separately from the utilitarian aspects of an object"]. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 20:44, 6 April 2011 (UTC) |
||
::Ok, I've removed the image of the Trabant taken in the US. In its place, I'm now using the Trabant image that was taken in Germany, where there is freedom of panorama. Can you please recheck the other 2 images you mentioned, as well as the others yet to be reviewed? [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 12:26, 7 April 2011 (UTC) |
::Ok, I've removed the image of the Trabant taken in the US. In its place, I'm now using the Trabant image that was taken in Germany, where there is freedom of panorama. Can you please recheck the other 2 images you mentioned, as well as the others yet to be reviewed? [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 12:26, 7 April 2011 (UTC) |
||
:::File:U2_at_Cardiff_Arms_Park.jpg is still missing copyright information; other images now seem fine. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 16:01, 11 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::Please check the ticket image again, I've expanded the "source" section of the non-free rationale. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 19:09, 11 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:::It would be better to identify the "publisher" in this case, but what you've done is acceptable. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 19:33, 11 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::Unfortunately, I don't know who the publisher is - I would assume that to be Four5One Creative, since they have handled almost all aspects of the group's graphic design, but I can't be certain about this particular work. Are all the free works not alreadt mentioned acceptable? [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 19:51, 11 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:::As mentioned above, other images now seem fine. [[User:Nikkimaria|Nikkimaria]] ([[User talk:Nikkimaria|talk]]) 19:58, 12 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*'''Support'''. I reviewed this article for GA and found it a very satisfying read. I since went into retirement on wikipedia, but promised I would contribute to the FA review when it got nominated. The prose has been tightened since I last read the article, especially in the lead, and more pics and refs have been added. Well done. [[User:Kitchen roll|'''<span style="color:Green;font-family:Forte"> Kitchen Roll </span>''']] [[User_talk:Kitchen roll|<span style="font-family:Forte">(Exchange words)</span>]] 10:35, 11 April 2011 (UTC) |
*'''Support'''. I reviewed this article for GA and found it a very satisfying read. I since went into retirement on wikipedia, but promised I would contribute to the FA review when it got nominated. The prose has been tightened since I last read the article, especially in the lead, and more pics and refs have been added. Well done. [[User:Kitchen roll|'''<span style="color:Green;font-family:Forte"> Kitchen Roll </span>''']] [[User_talk:Kitchen roll|<span style="font-family:Forte">(Exchange words)</span>]] 10:35, 11 April 2011 (UTC) |
||
Please consider providing unit conversions. For example, '100-foot' needs a metric value. Regards [[User:Lightmouse|Lightmouse]] ([[User talk:Lightmouse|talk]]) 15:13, 16 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:I believe the example you're providing was the only sentence that was missing unit conversions (excluding monetary values). I've fixed it. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 04:49, 17 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
Thanks. [[User:Lightmouse|Lightmouse]] ([[User talk:Lightmouse|talk]]) 08:46, 17 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
'''General comments''': I have read through the article, and feel that it is close to meeting the FA criteria. I would however welcome responses to the following (and to a couple of sources issues noted above):- |
|||
;Lead |
|||
*<s>Bolding should not be used for emphasis beyond the opening sentence |
|||
*"Differing from..." would read better as "In contrast with..." In general, sentences should not begin with "...ing" forms. |
|||
*The plural of "persona" is "personae". See section heading also.</s> |
|||
*Direct quotations in the lead need citation. |
|||
;Background |
|||
*<s>"the target of derision" → "a target for derision" |
|||
*Reference to "The project" is inspecific</s> |
|||
;Concept |
|||
*<s>Who is "Rene Castro"?</s> |
|||
;Stage design |
|||
*<s>The link on Philips is not helpful if it doesn't explain what a "Vidiwall" is. |
|||
*"worth US$3.5 million" - do you mean "costing" rather than "worth"? |
|||
*Is there a link to explain "short tons"? To what does the "t" in "(1,089 t)" refer?</s> |
|||
;Planning etc |
|||
*<s>What is "scalping" in this context? |
|||
*Second paragraph: A para break is required at "In Europe..." to reflect a change of continent |
|||
*"By the time Outside Broadcast began, Achtung Baby had sold four million copies in the US". This seems like an odd intrusion in the text at this point.</s> |
|||
;Show overwiew |
|||
*<s>It should be made explicit that Leni Riefenstahl's works are films</s> |
|||
;Sarajevo satellite link-ups |
|||
*<s>"U2 stopped the broadcasts in August 1993 after learning that the Siege of Sarajevo was being reported on the front of many British newspapers". Why the capitals, unless "Siege of Sarajevo" is placed in quotes? Apart from that, the logic of the sentence rather escapes me.</s> |
|||
*"During a transmission from the band's concert at Wembley Stadium, three women in Sarajevo told Bono..." How did they communicate with him? |
|||
; Bono's stage personas (personae) |
|||
*<s>"alter ego" is not hyphenated</s> |
|||
;Recording and release of Zooropa |
|||
*<s>Just a comment: I'm a bit surprised by the references to "EP" and "LP" in 1993; I thought we were well into the CD age by then. |
|||
*"an even greater departure in style from their earlier recordings..." requires a comparison - even greater departure than...?</s> |
|||
;Critical response |
|||
*<s>What does "setlist" mean? |
|||
*The string of citations after "Many critics described the tour as 'post-modern'" is unnecessary. A couple, or perhaps three, examples will suffice, and they should be bundled into a single reference.</s> |
|||
;Commercial performance |
|||
*<s>The statistical information is a bit haphazard and irregular, e.g. exact ticket sales for the opening leg but thereafter, broad rounded figures. No revenue figures for non-American legs. No real information about the overall profitability of the tour beyond generalisations. Don't album sales etc count towards the tour's revenues? </s> |
|||
;Impact and legacy |
|||
*<s>I found the first paragraph a bit odd. This business relating to the Pixies (who have not been mentioned prior to this) seems very much a side issue relevant to the tour as a whole, and I am a bit surprised to see it heading up the Legacy section. |
|||
*The linked reference to "that film" is a bit awkward; rephrasing might bring greater clarity.</s> |
|||
[[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 18:53, 23 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*Lead section issues should all be addressed. Was the direct quote attribution you were referring to the ''Q'' magazine quote? |
|||
::*Yes. The Doyle quote should be cited, or paraphrased [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 21:22, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*"Concept" and "Stage design" issues all addressed. |
|||
:*"Planning" issues should mostly be addressed - I've kept the note about album sales but moved them further down in the paragraph. It is there to indicate that ''Achtung Baby'' sold a million copies between the start of their American legs of the tour (3 million in sales at start of 1st US leg, 4 million in sales at start of 2nd US leg). |
|||
::*Fair enough [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 21:22, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*"Show overview" issue should be addressed. |
|||
:*"Sarajevo" section - I had capitalized Siege of Sarajevo because that is how it appeared in the lead sentence of its article. I've decapitalized it now. As for the logic of the sentence of their stopping the transmissions, that is what the group believed, so I'm inclined to retain the sentence as is. I also don't think the sentence about the 3 women communicating to Bono through the Sarajevo transmission needs to be changed - I've reread the sentence and I think it's clear from that sentence, as well as the previous statements in the section, that the Bill Carter had Bosnians appear on video through satellite transmission to speak at the U2 concerts. |
|||
::*The Bill Carter linkups are mentioned some way previously, and I think the "three women" sentence would be clearer if it read: "...three women in Sarajevo told Bono via the sattelite link..." [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 21:22, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*Should be fixed now. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 22:29, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*"Bono's stage personae" issue should be addressed |
|||
::There's still a "personas" in the first line of the "stage personae" section. |
|||
:*Should be fixed now. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 22:29, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*"''Zooropa''" section - the "greater departure" sentence has been clarified. The LP and EP descriptions, as far as I know, are not referring to the physical format of the release, but rather the length, even if they traditionally have been associated with the vinyl record. |
|||
:*"Critical response" - setlist has been wikilinked. As for the references for post-modern, 2 of them have been removed. As it stands, there are 3 separate references, but I think that's the way to go, since the first 2 are re-uses of those references from earlier. |
|||
:*"Commercial performance" - I realize that these facts seem random, but to be honest, these are the only ones relating to the tour's commercial performance that I've ever seen. I've never seen official figures on the entire tour's profitability been released. The only monetary figures I've seen were for the 1992 US legs, when they were the top-touring act in the country. I also don't think I've ever seen album sales taken into account for a tour's profitability - most figures for a tour are gross ticket sales, as you can't really compare different tours' profitability if you take album sales into account, since you need to ask the question, "which of an artists' releases would you include in profitability figures?" and every group has different release strategies while touring. |
|||
::*Well OK, but could "70-plus" be made exact? I have copyedited around the paragraph to try to give it a bit more cohesion. [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 21:22, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*I actually altered what the ref said about the quantity of shows - it says "73 shows", but in reality, U2 played 79 North American shows that year, counting 5 Canadian shows, 4 Mexican shows, and a public rehearsal before the official leg-opener. Perhaps the 73 figure includes the Mexican shows, but not the Canadian ones or the public rehearsal. I was unsure how to word the sentence to account for this, so I decided to make the figure less precise. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 22:29, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:*"Impact and legacy" - I've simplified the ''Batman Forever'' wikilink and moved the Pixies paragraph further down. I'll see if there's somewhere else in the article I can mention the Pixies. |
|||
:That's it for now. I'll respond to the source issues later. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 21:34, 23 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::Just a quick follow up: I've seen unverified global gross figures of anywhere between $151-200 million, but officially, these figures haven't been released by a reliable source, as Amusement Business did not collect/report international numbers prior to 1995, just North America. There's an [http://books.google.com/books?id=QQgEAAAAMBAJ&printsec=frontcover&lr=#v=onepage&q=zoo%20tv&f=false ad in Billboard] that U2/Paul McGuinness had printed that says $200 million. There's a U2 book I don't own that says $155 million. I'm inclined not to put either figure in the article. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 00:35, 24 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:::I agree that if the sources cannot be considered reliable, the information shouldn't be used. [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 21:22, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*'''Support''': There are a few minor outstanding issues per above, but in general I am satisfied with your responses to my concerns. I find the article generally impressive and worthy of promotion. [[User:Brianboulton|Brianboulton]] ([[User talk:Brianboulton|talk]]) 21:22, 25 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*'''Comment''' - The article uses dd/mm/yyyy format while the retrieval dates for sources uses yyyy/mm/dd. [[User:GabeMc| — GabeMc]] ([[User talk:GabeMc|talk]]) 01:12, 24 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
**First of all, the yyyy-mm-dd format is used within references not just for retrieval dates, but for the publication dates, as well. Second, can you please show me a Wikipedia policy that states the prose and references need consistent date formats? As far as I know, it's entirely acceptable for the prose to follow one consistent date format and for references to follow another. If you see [[Template:Cite#Dates]], it says to use a consistent style within references, but nothing about the entire article, and it also says the yyyy-mm-dd format is fine. Yet, if you look at [[Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates and numbers)#Dates]], that date format is not recommended for prose. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 01:35, 24 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::*"If you see [[Template:Cite#Dates]], it says to use a consistent style within references, but nothing about the entire article ... " See [[WP:STRONGNAT]], which states; "Articles on topics with strong ties to a particular English-speaking country should generally use the more common date format for that nation." [[User:GabeMc| — GabeMc]] ([[User talk:GabeMc|talk]]) 02:03, 24 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:Right, and since U2 is from Europe, the 1 Jan 2000 date format is used in prose. As far as I can tell though, there isn't a need to apply that same chosen format from the prose to the references. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 02:27, 24 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
*'''Support <s>Comment</s>''' - reading through now and copyediting as I go (will explain in edit summaries). Please revert if I inadevertently guff the meaning. Queries below..''(NB:Personal interest - I was at the Sydney concert :))'' .[[User:Casliber|Casliber]] ([[User talk:Casliber|talk]] '''·''' [[Special:Contributions/Casliber|contribs]]) 06:17, 26 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::<s>lede looks ok, I am wondering whether some adjectives can be pruned - e.g. " Although the tour provoked a wide range of reactions from music critics" (is "wide" necessary?)</s> |
|||
::'' <s>The band's apparent embracing of such technology'' - why not just "embrace"? sounds more natural to me.</s> |
|||
::''<s>Fan reactions were not easily gauged by the group...'' - hmm, you can't gauge beforehand. I think the verb "predict" is better, or something like "The group and the music industry were unsure how fans would receive the tour beforehand"?</s> |
|||
::''<s>Clayton quit drinking and sought sobriety'' - tautological, can just say "Clayton quit drinking altogether"</s> |
|||
<s>Otherwise</s> good effort. Can't see any other issues prose and comprehensiveness-wise. <s>Looking forward to supporting once minor quibbles addressed.</s> [[User:Casliber|Casliber]] ([[User talk:Casliber|talk]] '''·''' [[Special:Contributions/Casliber|contribs]]) 06:51, 26 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::All these issues should be addressed. I've done additional tweaking to the lead, so if you could weigh in on those changes, as well, I'd appreciate it. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 16:54, 28 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
'''Comments''' |
|||
*Is there a simpler word than "unequivocal" for the opening? |
|||
*Oceania ... it's Australasia unless Pacific Islands and Papua NG were involved. The infobox links "America" to "AmericaS", which is north and south America. But it was North America only, it seems from the table below. Is there a need to link ''any'' of those geographical items in the infobox? And in the table, Japan is listed as part of Oceania. |
|||
*"inside of / outside of"—please remove the redundant word. [[User:Tony1|<span style="color:darkgreen;">'''Tony'''</span>]] [[User talk:Tony1|<span style="color:darkgreen;">(talk)</span>]] 09:06, 26 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::All these issues should be addressed. [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 16:54, 28 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
'''Comment''' |
|||
* It says "''she felt that''". I think that should be 'she [thought/wrote/said] that''. |
|||
* It says "''1,200 short tons (1,089 tonnes) of equipment, 3 miles (4.8 km)''". Precision is part art and part science, in this case I'd suggest matching significant figures to make it '1,200 short tons (1,100 t) of equipment, 3 miles (5 km)'. |
|||
* It says "''one million watts''" with a link to watt. The article already has lots of links, I think the link to watt is probably unnecessary. |
|||
* It says "''he played records from inside of a Trabant''". The term 'records' appears to suggest that he actually played vinyl discs, if that's the intended meaning then it's remarkable. If he simply played music using other media, perhaps it needs rewording. I think it should be 'inside a Trabant' rather than 'inside of a Trabant'. |
|||
Hope that helps [[User:Lightmouse|Lightmouse]] ([[User talk:Lightmouse|talk]]) 21:33, 26 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
::These issues should mostly be addressed. I see your point about significant figures, but I thought it was more important for encyclopedic purposes to give the exact measurements (or at least what the {{Tl|Convert}} gives), rather than approximations. Is there a policy on what kind of precision we should follow in articles? [[User:Y2kcrazyjoker4|Y2Kcrazyjoker4]] ([[User talk:Y2kcrazyjoker4|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Y2kcrazyjoker4|contributions]]) 16:54, 28 April 2011 (UTC) |
|||
:''The above discussion is preserved as an archive. <span style="color:red">'''Please do not modify it.'''</span> No further edits should be made to this page.''</div><!--FAbottom--><!--Tagged by FA bot--> |