Wikipedia:Peer review/Genelia D'Souza/archive1: Difference between revisions
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Please do not use level 1-3 section headings or horizontal rules in this peer review. Please do not include any images, such as done/not done templates with tick/cross graphics, and do not paste in semi-automated peer reviews below: link to them instead. Peer review pages should not be moved. |
Please do not use level 1-3 section headings or horizontal rules in this peer review. Please do not include any images, such as done/not done templates with tick/cross graphics, and do not paste in semi-automated peer reviews below: link to them instead. Peer review pages should not be moved. |
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'''This peer review discussion has been closed.'''<br/> <noinclude>[[Category:February 2010 peer reviews]]</noinclude> |
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{{Peer review page|topic=arts}} |
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I've listed this article for peer review because this is a good article. |
I've listed this article for peer review because this is a good article. |
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**''She first hit the limelight in a Parker Pen commercial with Amitabh Bachchan.'' "hit the limelight" does not seem very encyclopedic, perhaps something like "made her debut" would be better. I would also add the year here to [[WP:PCR|provide context to the reader]] |
**''She first hit the limelight in a Parker Pen commercial with Amitabh Bachchan.'' "hit the limelight" does not seem very encyclopedic, perhaps something like "made her debut" would be better. I would also add the year here to [[WP:PCR|provide context to the reader]] |
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**''She made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam in 2003, which failed to propel her career in Bollywood, but <s>soon</s> achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys the same year.'' "failed to propel her career" seems awkward too, perhaps something like ''In 2003, she made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam; although it owuld be five years until her next Bollywood film, she achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys later the same year.'' |
**''She made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam in 2003, which failed to propel her career in Bollywood, but <s>soon</s> achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys the same year.'' "failed to propel her career" seems awkward too, perhaps something like ''In 2003, she made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam; although it owuld be five years until her next Bollywood film, she achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys later the same year.'' |
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**''She subsequently acted in many Telugu movies during 2003–2005, which earned her recognition in the Telugu film industry.'' could be tightened to something like ''She earned recognition acting Telugu films during 2003–2005.'' |
**''She subsequently acted in many Telugu movies during 2003–2005, which earned her recognition in the Telugu film industry.'' could be tightened to something like ''She earned recognition acting in Telugu films during 2003–2005.'' |
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*I would not include "etc." in the infobox. |
*I would not include "etc." in the infobox. |
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*Spell out abbreviations like MNC on first use (so, assuming it is "[[Multinational corporation]] (MNC)...) |
*Spell out abbreviations like MNC on first use (so, assuming it is "[[Multinational corporation]] (MNC)...) |
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*What is there seems good - I think I would add a "Critical reception" section, many articles on movies and actors have one. |
*What is there seems good - I think I would add a "Critical reception" section, many articles on movies and actors have one. |
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*References seem OK, nicely formatted and the few I checked seemed like [[WP:RS|reliable sources]] |
*References seem OK, nicely formatted and the few I checked seemed like [[WP:RS|reliable sources]] |
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Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at [[Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog]] (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, [[User:Ruhrfisch|Ruhrfisch]] '''[[User talk:Ruhrfisch|<sub |
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at [[Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog]] (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, [[User:Ruhrfisch|Ruhrfisch]] '''[[User talk:Ruhrfisch|<sub style="color:green;">><></sub><small>°</small><sup><small>°</small></sup>]]''' 03:41, 20 January 2010 (UTC) |
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Latest revision as of 13:59, 23 March 2022
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this is a good article.
Thanks, Goodfilmfan2 (talk) 07:32, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: A nice article, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to the WP:GAN process.
- The language could be tightened or polished in several places - here are examples from the first paragraph of the lead:
- She has appeared in Telugu[,]
andHindilanguage films,as well asTamil and Kannada language films. - She first hit the limelight in a Parker Pen commercial with Amitabh Bachchan. "hit the limelight" does not seem very encyclopedic, perhaps something like "made her debut" would be better. I would also add the year here to provide context to the reader
- She made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam in 2003, which failed to propel her career in Bollywood, but
soonachieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys the same year. "failed to propel her career" seems awkward too, perhaps something like In 2003, she made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam; although it owuld be five years until her next Bollywood film, she achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys later the same year. - She subsequently acted in many Telugu movies during 2003–2005, which earned her recognition in the Telugu film industry. could be tightened to something like She earned recognition acting in Telugu films during 2003–2005.
- She has appeared in Telugu[,]
- I would not include "etc." in the infobox.
- Spell out abbreviations like MNC on first use (so, assuming it is "Multinational corporation (MNC)...)
- Make sure to be clear on who is meant, who is they in the following? When D'Souza was offered a role in Tujhe Meri Kasam, initially she turned it down, .... But they insisted and kept contacting her for two months...
- The fair use images do not seem to meet WP:NFCC, please read this and WP:FAIR USE
- What is there seems good - I think I would add a "Critical reception" section, many articles on movies and actors have one.
- References seem OK, nicely formatted and the few I checked seemed like reliable sources
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:41, 20 January 2010 (UTC)