Wikipedia:Peer review/Samus Aran/archive1

Samus Aran

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'd like to receive feedback on how can I improve this article, thanks! Gary King (talk) 15:38, 20 April 2009 (UTC)

Should the picture of the gunship be part of the article? GamerPro64 (talk) 01:07, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

I don't know, but the article would probably do fine without it. I'm not partial to any of the article's images, except for the one in the infobox. Gary King (talk) 19:18, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Levi's comments

Prose/Style/Layout

Lead

• The lead seems a litle short for an article of this size. It doesn't mention her reception at all, for instance.

In the series

• Metroid Prime 3: Corruption doesn't have a release year.

In other media

• "In the comics, Samus is seen as brash, money-hungry, and fiercely independent." - "Depicted" might be better than "seen" here.
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl doesn't have a release year.

Reception

• The first sentence seems a little out of place, because the following sentences don't discuss her reception as a sex object. Maybe it could be moved to the beginning of the second paragraph, because of the references to babe lists and such.

• Did this. GamerPro64 (talk) 23:25, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

• "Despite Nintendo's intentions, Samus is considered by many to be a sex object." - True, but the sentence only cites one source, calling into question the use of the word "many". Also, where can we read about Nintendo's intentions?

Miscellaneous

• Could the publishers be wikilinked in references?

Comprehensiveness

• It's mentioned that Aran has been infused with Chozo DNA, but what effect did this have on her? Did she gain any special abilities, or did her appearance change?

All told it's a great article. I'll watchlist this peer review in case you'd like to discuss any of my comments. — Levi van Tine (t – c) 06:55, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Did three of the things suggested above. Lychosis ^T/C 20:24, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs

I totally forgot about this, so I'm sorry I can't provide a great review at this time, but some thoughts:

• There should be at least two paragraphs in the lead, and as it reads now it's a tad stilted, more a collection of facts than a cohesive flow.
• File:Gunship screencapture.png: can't see much of a defense for the image per WP:NFCC.
• You could break the development up into multiple paragraphs, too.
• The reception could do with some more impact information, rather than just website's rankings. Not sure if it exists, but there has to be some scholarly information on them.

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 20:13, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

 Doing... Dabomb87 (talk) 01:19, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

I missed the peer review, but here are some comments:

• I'd like to see a little more mention of appearances in the lead. For example, maybe a sentence about non-video-game media?
• "The characters were created by Makoto Kanō, while Hiroji Kiyotake designed them all" I don't think "created" is the best word here.
• Some of the Characteristics section is a bit in-universe. For example, "The team's leader, Ridley"—what team?
• "Metroid: Zero Mission, which"-->Metroid: Zero Mission, in which
• "Samus bonds with a Metroid, before it sacrifices itself to save Samus from Mother Brain." Remove second comma.
• "destroys Mother Brain, in a scene that is "more than a little emotionally charged"." No comma.
• "while the Galactic Federation see her as the protector of the galaxy, which she considers herself," Second part's a little confusing. Perhaps "which she also believes"?
• What is a mutagen?
• The first two sentences of the Reception section seem to belong in the Development section. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:56, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

The above comments were copied from Talk:Samus_Aran. Gary King (talk) 19:26, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Okay everything on this page should be done now. Gary King (talk) 21:14, 23 July 2009 (UTC)