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{{Short description|Parent with narcissism}} |
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A '''narcissistic parent''' is a [[parent]] affected by [[narcissism]] or [[narcissistic personality disorder]]. Typically narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially [[envious]] of, and threatened by, their child's growing independence.<ref>Stephen E. Levich, ''Clone Being'' (2004) p. 31 and p.89-91</ref> The result may be what has been termed a pattern of narcissistic [[Attachment theory|attachment]], with the child considered to exist solely to fulfill the parent's wishes and needs.<ref>David Stafford & Liz Hodgkinson, ''Codependency'' (London 1995) p. 41</ref> Relative to [[developmental psychology]], narcissistic parenting will adversely affect children in the areas of reasoning, emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes as they mature.<ref>(2015, Apr. 27 ). In Wikipedia. Retrieved Apr. 27, 2015, from http://hciresearch4.hcii.cs.cmu.edu/~rfarzan/APSWI-Patrick/stage/site/searcharticles.php?title=Parenting%20styles.</ref> Within the realm of narcissistic parenting, personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parents’ expectations. <ref>Banschick M.D., M. (2013, March 13). The Narcissistic Father. Retrieved April 29, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-father.</ref> |
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A '''narcissistic parent''' is a [[parent]] affected by [[narcissism]] or [[narcissistic personality disorder]]. Typically, narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children's growing independence.<ref>Stephen E. Levich, ''Clone Being'' (2004) p. 31 and p.89-91</ref> This results in a pattern of narcissistic [[Attachment theory|attachment]], in which the parent believes that the child exists solely to fulfill the parent's needs and wishes. A narcissistic parent will often try to [[Abusive power and control|control]] their children with threats and [[emotional abuse]]. Narcissistic parenting adversely affects children's [[developmental psychology|psychological development]], affecting their reasoning and their emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes. [[Personal boundaries]] are often disregarded so the narcissistic parent can mold and [[Psychological manipulation|manipulate]] the child to satisfy the parent's expectations.{{Citation needed|date=January 2024}} |
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Narcissistic people |
Narcissistic people have low [[self-esteem]] and feel the need to control how others regard them, fearing that otherwise they will be [[blamed]] or rejected and that their personal inadequacies will be exposed. Narcissistic parents are self-absorbed, often to the point of [[grandiosity]]. They also tend to be inflexible and lack the [[empathy]] necessary for [[child raising]].<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Hart |first1=Claire M. |last2=Bush-Evans |first2=Reece D. |last3=Hepper |first3=Erica G. |last4=Hickman |first4=Hannah M. |date=2017-10-15 |title=The children of narcissus: Insights into narcissists' parenting styles |url=https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886917304087 |journal=Personality and Individual Differences |volume=117 |pages=249–254 |doi=10.1016/j.paid.2017.06.019 |s2cid=149369979 |issn=0191-8869}}</ref> |
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==Characteristics== |
==Characteristics== |
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Narcissism, as described in [[Sigmund Freud]]’s clinical study, includes behaviors such as self-aggrandizement, self-esteem, vulnerability, fear of failure, fear of losing people's affection, reliance on defense mechanisms, perfectionism, and interpersonal conflict.<ref>Raskin, Robert, and Howard. Terry. (1988). A Principal-Components Analysis of the Narcissistic Personality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54 (5), PP 890-902</ref> |
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To maintain their self-esteem and protect their vulnerable [[true selves]], narcissists seek to [[Abusive power and control|control]] others' behavior, particularly that of their children, whom they view as extensions of themselves. Thus, narcissistic parents may speak of "carrying the torch", maintaining the family image, or making the mother or father proud.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Dentale |first1=Francesco |last2=Verrastro |first2=Valeria |last3=Valeria |first3=Irene |last4=Diotaiuti |first4=Pierluigi |last5=Petruccelli |first5=Filippo |last6=Cappelli |first6=Luigi |last7=San Martini |first7=Pietro |date=2015 |title=Relationship between Parental Narcissism and Children's Mental Vulnerability: Mediation Role of Rearing Style |url=https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/560/56041784002.pdf |journal=International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy |volume=15 |issue=3 |pages=339}}</ref> They may reproach their children for exhibiting weakness, being too dramatic, being selfish, or not meeting expectations.<ref name=":0">{{Cite journal |last1=Lyons |first1=Minna |last2=Brewer |first2=Gayle |last3=Hartley |first3=Anna-Maria |last4=Blinkhorn |first4=Victoria |date=2023 |title="Never Learned to Love Properly": A Qualitative Study Exploring Romantic Relationship Experiences in Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents |journal=Social Sciences |language=en |volume=12 |issue=3 |pages=159 |doi=10.3390/socsci12030159 |doi-access=free |issn=2076-0760}}</ref> Children of narcissists learn to play their part and to show off their special skills, especially in public or for others.<ref name="jabeen" /> They typically do not have many memories of feeling loved or appreciated for being themselves. Instead, they associate their experience of love and appreciation with conforming to the demands of the narcissistic parent.{{Citation needed|date=January 2024}} |
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| ⚫ | Narcissism tends to play out |
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| ⚫ | Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently needing to be the [[Attention seeking|focus of attention]], [[Exaggerate|exaggerating]], seeking compliments, and putting their children down. [[Punishment (psychology)|Punishment]] in the form of [[blame]], [[criticism]] or [[emotional blackmail]], and attempts to induce [[guilt (emotion)|guilt]] may be used to ensure [[Compliance (psychology)|compliance]] with the parent's wishes and fuel their need for [[narcissistic supply]].<ref name=":0" /> |
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To maintain their self esteem, and protect their [[Vulnerability|vulnerable]] selves, narcissists need to control others' behavior – particularly that of their children seen as extensions of themselves.<ref name=co>Rappoport, Alan, Ph. D.[http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Narcissism%20Article.pdf Co-Narcissism: How We Adapt to Narcissis. The Therapist, 2005].</ref> Thus narcissistic parents may speak of "carry[ing] the torch," "maintain[ing] the family image," or "make[ing] mom or dad proud" and may reproach their children for exhibiting "weakness," "being too dramatic," or not meeting the standard of "what is expected." As a result, children of narcissists learn to "play their part" and to "perform their special skill," especially in public or for others; but typically do not have many memories of having felt loved or appreciated for being themselves, rather associating their experience of love and appreciation with conforming to the demands of the narcissistic parent.<ref>Boyd, R. ''[http://www.energeticsinstitute.com.au/page/childhood_oedipal_narcissistic_development_affects_later_adult_intimacy_and_relationships.html How Early Childhood Oedipal Narcissistic Development Affects Later Adult Intimacy and Relationships]'' 2011</ref> |
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| ⚫ | Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently |
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==Children of narcissists== |
==Children of narcissists== |
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{{More citations needed|date=January 2024}} |
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Children of a resistant, more stubborn temperament parent defend against being supportive of others in the house. They observe how the selfish parents get their needs met by others. They learn how [[Psychological manipulation|manipulation]] and using guilt gets the parent what he or she wants. They develop a [[false self]] and use [[aggression]] and [[intimidation]] to get their way.<ref name="ao">Lynne Namka, Ed.D. [http://www.angriesout.com/grown17.htm Selfishness and narcissism in Family Relationships].</ref> Some of the most common issues in narcissistic parenting are due to the lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing which ultimately contributes to a child’s feeling of emptiness, insecurity in loving relationships, imaginary fears, mistrust of others, identity conflict and inability to develop a unique existence from that of the parent.<ref>McBride, K. (2008). The Empty Mirror. Will I Ever Be Good Rnough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. p. 18.</ref> |
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| ⚫ | Narcissism tends to play out intergenerationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or [[Codependency|codependent]] children.<ref>Simon Crompton, ''All about Me: Loving a Narcissist'' (London 2007) p. 119</ref><ref name="jabeen">{{cite journal |last1=Jabeen |first1=Fakhra |last2=Gerritsen |first2=Charlotte |last3=Treur |first3=Jan |title=Healing the next generation: an adaptive agent model for the effects of parental narcissism |journal=Brain Informatics |date=December 2021 |volume=8 |issue=1 |page=4 |doi=10.1186/s40708-020-00115-z|doi-access=free |pmid=33655460 |pmc=7925789 }}</ref> While a [[self-confident]] parent, or [[Good enough parent|good-enough parent]], can allow a child autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child to promote their own image.<ref>[[Salman Akhtar]], ''Good Feeling'' (London 2009) p. 86</ref><ref name="jabeen" /> A parent concerned with [[self-enhancement]], or with being [[Mirroring (psychology)|mirrored]] and admired by their child, may leave the child feeling like a puppet to the parent's emotional and intellectual demands. |
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Children of a narcissistic parent may not be supportive of others in the home. Observing the parent's behavior, the child learns that [[Psychological manipulation|manipulation]] and guilt are effective strategies for getting what they want. The child may also develop a [[false self]] and use [[aggression]] and [[intimidation]] to get their way. Or instead, the child may invest in opposite behaviors if they have observed them among friends and other families. When a child of a narcissistic parent experiences safe, real love or sees the example played out in other families, they may identify and act on the differences between their life and that of a child in a healthy family. For example, volatility and a lack of empathy at home may increase a child's empathy and desire to be respectful. Similarly, intense emotional control and disrespect for boundaries at home may increase a child's value for emotional expression and their desire to extend respect to others. The child observes the narcissistic parent's behavior and is often on the receiving end of that behavior. When an alternative arises to the pain and distress caused at home, the child may choose to focus on more comforting, safety-inducing behaviors. |
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| ⚫ | |||
Some common issues in narcissistic parenting result from a lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing. This may lead to a child feeling empty, feeling insecure in loving relationships, developing fears, mistrusting others, experiencing identity conflict, and developing commitment issues.<ref name=":0" /> |
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| ⚫ | Narcissistic parenting |
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</ref> |
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| ⚫ | Sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family may learn to meet the parent's needs for [[gratification]] and seek love by accommodating the parent's wishes. The child's normal feelings are ignored, [[denied]], and eventually [[psychological repression|repressed]] in attempts to gain the parent's "love". Guilt and [[shame]] keep the child locked in a [[developmental arrest]]. Aggressive impulses and rage may become split off and not integrated with normal development. Some children develop a [[True self and false self|false self]] as a [[defense mechanism]] and become [[codependent]] in relationships. A child's unconscious denial of their [[true self]] may perpetuate a cycle of [[self-hatred]], in which they fear any reminder of the authentic self. |
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Detached parenting, setting limits, and applying suitable punishment previously administered a half century ago appears to have evolved into overindulgent and inconsistent parenting, something usually associated with the wealthy. [[Role reversal]], overpraise, and excessive competitiveness have given way to an increased sense of [[entitlement]] in today’s children, due in large part to narcissistic parenting.<ref>Twenge, J. M, & W. Campbell. (2009).The Narcissism Epidemic : Living in the Age of Entitlement. New York, Free Press, pp.75-83</ref> |
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==In literature== |
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*''[[Sons and Lovers]]'' is considered to have explored a narcissistic mother.<ref name=Feinberg>R. Feinberg, ''Narcissus in Treatment'' (2013) p. 7-8</ref> |
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In most cases, a narcissist will select one child in the family to be the Golden Child and another child to be the Scapegoat. The Golden Child becomes an extension of the narcissist, who lives vicariously through them. As a result, many golden children do not develop a healthy sense of self and struggle with boundaries. Scapegoats, on the other hand, become the receptacle for all the negative emotions of the narcissistic parent, who blames them for everything that goes wrong in the family. |
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*''[[The Metamorphosis]]'' is considered to cover a narcissistic father.<ref name=Feinberg/> |
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*[[Sylvia Plath]]'s difficulties have been associated with a need to please a narcissistic father through public display.<ref>S. Kavaler-Adler, ''The Klein-Winnicott Dialectic'' (2013) p. 211</ref> |
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===Short-term and long-term effects=== |
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*The novel ''Loverboy'' by the author [[Victoria Redel]] is written from the perspective of a mother exhibiting characteristics of extreme narcissistic parenting.<ref>{{cite book|last=Redel|first=Victoria|title=Loverboy : a novel|year=2001|publisher=Harcourt|location=San Diego|isbn=978-0-15-600724-5|edition=1st Harvest}}</ref> |
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Because of their vulnerability, children are extremely affected by the behavior of a narcissistic parent.<ref name=":02">{{Cite journal|last1=Wilson|first1=Sylia|last2=Durbin|first2=C. Emily|date=November 2011|title=Dyadic Parent-Child Interaction During Early Childhood: Contributions of Parental and Child Personality Traits|journal=Journal of Personality|volume=80|issue=5|pages=1313–1338|doi=10.1111/j.1467-6494.2011.00760.x|pmid=22433002|issn=0022-3506}}</ref> A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding children and being the primary decision-maker in a child's life, becoming overly [[possessive]] and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control weaken the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of the parent.<ref name=":12">{{Citation|last1=Pluznick|first1=Ruth|title=Narrative therapy with children of parents experiencing mental health difficulties*|date=2018-05-01|work=Creative Positions in Adult Mental Health|pages=205–226|publisher=Routledge|isbn=9780429473401|last2=Kis-Sines|first2=Natasha|doi=10.4324/9780429473401-11}}</ref> This may affect the child's imagination and level of curiosity, and the child often develops an [[Extrinsic motivation|extrinsic]] style of motivation. This heightened level of control may be due to the narcissistic parent's need to maintain the child's dependence on them.<ref name=":12" /> |
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Narcissistic parents are quick to anger,<ref name=":02" /> putting their children at risk for [[Physical abuse|physical]] and [[Psychological abuse|emotional abuse]].<ref name=":22">{{Citation|last=Deater-Deckard|first=Kirby|chapter=Parenting Behavior and the Parent-Child Relationship|date=2004-08-11|pages=74–94|publisher=Yale University Press|isbn=9780300103939|doi=10.12987/yale/9780300103939.003.0004|title=Parenting Stress}}</ref> To avoid anger and punishment, children of abusive parents often resort to complying with their parent's every demand.<ref>{{Cite journal|last=Gardner|first=Fiona|date=September 2004|journal=British Journal of Psychotherapy|volume=21|issue=1|pages=49–62|doi=10.1111/j.1752-0118.2004.tb00186.x|issn=0265-9883|title='to Enliven Her Was My Living': Thoughts on Compliance and Sacrifice as Consequences of Malignant Identification with a Narcissistic Parent}}</ref> This affects both the child's well-being and ability to make logical decisions on their own, and as adults, such individuals often lack [[self-confidence]] and the ability to gain control over their lives. Identity crisis, loneliness, and struggle with self-expression are also commonly seen in children raised by a narcissistic parent.<ref name=":12" /> The struggle to discover one's self as an adult stems from the substantial amount of [[projective identification]] that the now adult experiences as a child.<ref name=":12" /> Because of excessive identification with the parent, the child may never get the opportunity to experience their own identity. |
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===Mental health effects=== |
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Studies have found that children of narcissistic parents have significantly higher rates of [[Depression (mood)|depression]] and lower self-esteem during adulthood than those who did not perceive their caregivers as narcissistic.<ref name=":12" /> The parent's lack of empathy towards their child contributes to this, as the child's desires are often denied, their feelings restrained, and their overall emotional well-being ignored.<ref name=":12" /> |
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Children of narcissistic parents are taught to submit and conform, causing them to lose touch of themselves as individuals. This can lead to the child possessing very few memories of feeling appreciated or loved by their parents for being themselves, as they instead associate the love and appreciation with conformity.<ref name=":12" /> Children may benefit with distance from the narcissistic parent. Some children of narcissistic parents resort to leaving home during [[adolescence]] if they grow to view the relationship with their parent(s) as toxic.<ref name=":22" /> |
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The results of a prior study indicated that narcissistic parenting behaviours have an impact on children's self-esteem far into adulthood. A lot of respondents also mentioned that they needed the approval or affirmation of others in order to feel competent or deserving, and some said that their sense of self depended entirely on how "successful" they perceived themselves to be in terms of their appearance, social life, or academic or professional accomplishments. Respondents also mentioned how these consequences affected their friendships and romantic relationships as adults, and one participant raised concern for how these effects would affect her children.<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Bach |first=Brittany N. |date=2014 |title=The impact of parental narcissistic traits on self-esteem in adulthood |url=https://scholarworks.smith.edu/theses/845/ |journal=Masters Thesis, Smith College |via=Smith Scholar Works}}</ref> |
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==See also== |
==See also== |
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* [[Dysfunctional family]] |
* [[Dysfunctional family]] |
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* [[Effects of domestic violence on children]] |
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* [[Enmeshment]] |
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* [[Family nexus]] |
* [[Family nexus]] |
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* [[Helicopter parent]] |
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* [[Identified patient]] |
* [[Identified patient]] |
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* [[Parental bullying of children]] |
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| ⚫ | |||
* [[Parenting styles]] |
* [[Parenting styles]] |
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* [[ |
* [[Narcissistic personality disorder]] |
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}} |
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==Further reading== |
==Further reading== |
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* Gardner, F [http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/118773184/abstract 'To Enliven Her Was My Living':Thoughts On Compliance And Sacrifice As Consequences Of Malignant Identification With A Narcissistic Parent] British journal of psychotherapy Volume 21 Issue 1, Pages 49 – 62 (2006) |
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* Brown, Nina W. ''Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents'' (2008) |
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* [[Lady Colin Campbell|Campbell, Lady Colin]] ''Daughter of Narcissus: A Family's Struggle to Survive Their Mother's Narcissistic Personality Disorder'' (2009) |
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* Donaldson-Pressman, S & Pressman, RM ''The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment'' (1997) |
* Donaldson-Pressman, S & Pressman, RM ''The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment'' (1997) |
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* Golomb, Elan ''Trapped in the Mirror Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self'' (1995) |
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* Hotchkiss, Sandy & [[James F. Masterson|Masterson, James F.]] ''Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism'' (2003) – see Chapter 9 – The Narcissistic Parent |
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* McBride, Karyl ''Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers'' (2009) |
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* Payson, Eleanor ''The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family'' (2002) – see Chapter 5 |
* Payson, Eleanor ''The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family'' (2002) – see Chapter 5 |
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* [[Dr. Drew Pinsky|Pinsky, Drew]] ''The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America'' (2009) - see Chapter 8 |
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* Twenge, Jean M & Campbell, W. Keith ''The Narcissism Edidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement'' (2009) - see Chapter 5 |
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== External links == |
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{{Narcissism}} |
{{Narcissism}} |
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{{Parenting}} |
{{Parenting}} |
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{{Domestic violence}} |
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Narcissistic Parents}} |
{{DEFAULTSORT:Narcissistic Parents}} |
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[[Category:Parenting]] |
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[[Category:Psychoanalysis]] |
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[[Category:Human behavior]] |
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Latest revision as of 06:03, 12 December 2024
A narcissistic parent is a parent affected by narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Typically, narcissistic parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and are threatened by their children's growing independence.[1] This results in a pattern of narcissistic attachment, in which the parent believes that the child exists solely to fulfill the parent's needs and wishes. A narcissistic parent will often try to control their children with threats and emotional abuse. Narcissistic parenting adversely affects children's psychological development, affecting their reasoning and their emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes. Personal boundaries are often disregarded so the narcissistic parent can mold and manipulate the child to satisfy the parent's expectations.[citation needed]
Narcissistic people have low self-esteem and feel the need to control how others regard them, fearing that otherwise they will be blamed or rejected and that their personal inadequacies will be exposed. Narcissistic parents are self-absorbed, often to the point of grandiosity. They also tend to be inflexible and lack the empathy necessary for child raising.[2]
Characteristics
[edit]Narcissism, as described in Sigmund Freud’s clinical study, includes behaviors such as self-aggrandizement, self-esteem, vulnerability, fear of failure, fear of losing people's affection, reliance on defense mechanisms, perfectionism, and interpersonal conflict.[3]
To maintain their self-esteem and protect their vulnerable true selves, narcissists seek to control others' behavior, particularly that of their children, whom they view as extensions of themselves. Thus, narcissistic parents may speak of "carrying the torch", maintaining the family image, or making the mother or father proud.[4] They may reproach their children for exhibiting weakness, being too dramatic, being selfish, or not meeting expectations.[5] Children of narcissists learn to play their part and to show off their special skills, especially in public or for others.[6] They typically do not have many memories of feeling loved or appreciated for being themselves. Instead, they associate their experience of love and appreciation with conforming to the demands of the narcissistic parent.[citation needed]
Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of consistently needing to be the focus of attention, exaggerating, seeking compliments, and putting their children down. Punishment in the form of blame, criticism or emotional blackmail, and attempts to induce guilt may be used to ensure compliance with the parent's wishes and fuel their need for narcissistic supply.[5]
Children of narcissists
[edit] | This article needs additional citations for verification. (January 2024) |
Narcissism tends to play out intergenerationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or codependent children.[7][6] While a self-confident parent, or good-enough parent, can allow a child autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child to promote their own image.[8][6] A parent concerned with self-enhancement, or with being mirrored and admired by their child, may leave the child feeling like a puppet to the parent's emotional and intellectual demands.
Children of a narcissistic parent may not be supportive of others in the home. Observing the parent's behavior, the child learns that manipulation and guilt are effective strategies for getting what they want. The child may also develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to get their way. Or instead, the child may invest in opposite behaviors if they have observed them among friends and other families. When a child of a narcissistic parent experiences safe, real love or sees the example played out in other families, they may identify and act on the differences between their life and that of a child in a healthy family. For example, volatility and a lack of empathy at home may increase a child's empathy and desire to be respectful. Similarly, intense emotional control and disrespect for boundaries at home may increase a child's value for emotional expression and their desire to extend respect to others. The child observes the narcissistic parent's behavior and is often on the receiving end of that behavior. When an alternative arises to the pain and distress caused at home, the child may choose to focus on more comforting, safety-inducing behaviors.
Some common issues in narcissistic parenting result from a lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing. This may lead to a child feeling empty, feeling insecure in loving relationships, developing fears, mistrusting others, experiencing identity conflict, and developing commitment issues.[5]
Sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family may learn to meet the parent's needs for gratification and seek love by accommodating the parent's wishes. The child's normal feelings are ignored, denied, and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent's "love". Guilt and shame keep the child locked in a developmental arrest. Aggressive impulses and rage may become split off and not integrated with normal development. Some children develop a false self as a defense mechanism and become codependent in relationships. A child's unconscious denial of their true self may perpetuate a cycle of self-hatred, in which they fear any reminder of the authentic self.
Narcissistic parenting may also lead to children being either victims or bullies, having a poor or overly inflated body image, using or abusing drugs or alcohol, or acting out (in a potentially harmful manner) for attention.
In most cases, a narcissist will select one child in the family to be the Golden Child and another child to be the Scapegoat. The Golden Child becomes an extension of the narcissist, who lives vicariously through them. As a result, many golden children do not develop a healthy sense of self and struggle with boundaries. Scapegoats, on the other hand, become the receptacle for all the negative emotions of the narcissistic parent, who blames them for everything that goes wrong in the family.
Short-term and long-term effects
[edit]Because of their vulnerability, children are extremely affected by the behavior of a narcissistic parent.[9] A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding children and being the primary decision-maker in a child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control weaken the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of the parent.[10] This may affect the child's imagination and level of curiosity, and the child often develops an extrinsic style of motivation. This heightened level of control may be due to the narcissistic parent's need to maintain the child's dependence on them.[10]
Narcissistic parents are quick to anger,[9] putting their children at risk for physical and emotional abuse.[11] To avoid anger and punishment, children of abusive parents often resort to complying with their parent's every demand.[12] This affects both the child's well-being and ability to make logical decisions on their own, and as adults, such individuals often lack self-confidence and the ability to gain control over their lives. Identity crisis, loneliness, and struggle with self-expression are also commonly seen in children raised by a narcissistic parent.[10] The struggle to discover one's self as an adult stems from the substantial amount of projective identification that the now adult experiences as a child.[10] Because of excessive identification with the parent, the child may never get the opportunity to experience their own identity.
Mental health effects
[edit]Studies have found that children of narcissistic parents have significantly higher rates of depression and lower self-esteem during adulthood than those who did not perceive their caregivers as narcissistic.[10] The parent's lack of empathy towards their child contributes to this, as the child's desires are often denied, their feelings restrained, and their overall emotional well-being ignored.[10]
Children of narcissistic parents are taught to submit and conform, causing them to lose touch of themselves as individuals. This can lead to the child possessing very few memories of feeling appreciated or loved by their parents for being themselves, as they instead associate the love and appreciation with conformity.[10] Children may benefit with distance from the narcissistic parent. Some children of narcissistic parents resort to leaving home during adolescence if they grow to view the relationship with their parent(s) as toxic.[11]
The results of a prior study indicated that narcissistic parenting behaviours have an impact on children's self-esteem far into adulthood. A lot of respondents also mentioned that they needed the approval or affirmation of others in order to feel competent or deserving, and some said that their sense of self depended entirely on how "successful" they perceived themselves to be in terms of their appearance, social life, or academic or professional accomplishments. Respondents also mentioned how these consequences affected their friendships and romantic relationships as adults, and one participant raised concern for how these effects would affect her children.[13]
See also
[edit]References
[edit]- ^ Stephen E. Levich, Clone Being (2004) p. 31 and p.89-91
- ^ Hart, Claire M.; Bush-Evans, Reece D.; Hepper, Erica G.; Hickman, Hannah M. (2017-10-15). "The children of narcissus: Insights into narcissists' parenting styles". Personality and Individual Differences. 117: 249–254. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2017.06.019. ISSN 0191-8869. S2CID 149369979.
- ^ Raskin, Robert, and Howard. Terry. (1988). A Principal-Components Analysis of the Narcissistic Personality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54 (5), PP 890-902
- ^ Dentale, Francesco; Verrastro, Valeria; Valeria, Irene; Diotaiuti, Pierluigi; Petruccelli, Filippo; Cappelli, Luigi; San Martini, Pietro (2015). "Relationship between Parental Narcissism and Children's Mental Vulnerability: Mediation Role of Rearing Style" (PDF). International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy. 15 (3): 339.
- ^ a b c Lyons, Minna; Brewer, Gayle; Hartley, Anna-Maria; Blinkhorn, Victoria (2023). ""Never Learned to Love Properly": A Qualitative Study Exploring Romantic Relationship Experiences in Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents". Social Sciences. 12 (3): 159. doi:10.3390/socsci12030159. ISSN 2076-0760.
- ^ a b c Jabeen, Fakhra; Gerritsen, Charlotte; Treur, Jan (December 2021). "Healing the next generation: an adaptive agent model for the effects of parental narcissism". Brain Informatics. 8 (1): 4. doi:10.1186/s40708-020-00115-z. PMC 7925789. PMID 33655460.
- ^ Simon Crompton, All about Me: Loving a Narcissist (London 2007) p. 119
- ^ Salman Akhtar, Good Feeling (London 2009) p. 86
- ^ a b Wilson, Sylia; Durbin, C. Emily (November 2011). "Dyadic Parent-Child Interaction During Early Childhood: Contributions of Parental and Child Personality Traits". Journal of Personality. 80 (5): 1313–1338. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.2011.00760.x. ISSN 0022-3506. PMID 22433002.
- ^ a b c d e f g Pluznick, Ruth; Kis-Sines, Natasha (2018-05-01), "Narrative therapy with children of parents experiencing mental health difficulties*", Creative Positions in Adult Mental Health, Routledge, pp. 205–226, doi:10.4324/9780429473401-11, ISBN 9780429473401
- ^ a b Deater-Deckard, Kirby (2004-08-11), "Parenting Behavior and the Parent-Child Relationship", Parenting Stress, Yale University Press, pp. 74–94, doi:10.12987/yale/9780300103939.003.0004, ISBN 9780300103939
- ^ Gardner, Fiona (September 2004). "'to Enliven Her Was My Living': Thoughts on Compliance and Sacrifice as Consequences of Malignant Identification with a Narcissistic Parent". British Journal of Psychotherapy. 21 (1): 49–62. doi:10.1111/j.1752-0118.2004.tb00186.x. ISSN 0265-9883.
- ^ Bach, Brittany N. (2014). "The impact of parental narcissistic traits on self-esteem in adulthood". Masters Thesis, Smith College – via Smith Scholar Works.
Further reading
[edit]- Donaldson-Pressman, S & Pressman, RM The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment (1997)
- Miller A The Drama of the Gifted Child, How Narcissistic Parents Form and Deform the Emotional Lives of their Talented Children, Basic Books, Inc (1981)
- Payson, Eleanor The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family (2002) – see Chapter 5
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