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In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their [[drug]]-[[Substance dependence|addicted]] child financially until he or she enters [[drug rehabilitation]] would be said to be practicing tough love.<ref>Vine, Sarah. [http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article2355932.ece Tough love or TLC?], ''The Times'', 31 August 2007.</ref><ref>Jardine, Cassandra. [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/4939586/The-ultimate-betrayal-or-just-tough-love.html "The ultimate betrayal or just tough love?"], ''Daily Telegraph'', 4 March 2009.</ref>
In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their [[drug]]-[[Substance dependence|addicted]] child financially until he or she enters [[drug rehabilitation]] would be said to be practicing tough love.<ref>Vine, Sarah. [http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article2355932.ece Tough love or TLC?], ''The Times'', 31 August 2007.</ref><ref>Jardine, Cassandra. [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/4939586/The-ultimate-betrayal-or-just-tough-love.html "The ultimate betrayal or just tough love?"], ''Daily Telegraph'', 4 March 2009.</ref>


"Tough love" [[Boot camp (correctional)|boot camps]] for teenagers have been described as [[child abuse]], and the [[National Institutes of Health]] noted that "get tough treatments do not work and there is some evidence that they may make the problem worse".<ref>Szalavitz, Maia. [http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/28/AR2006012800062.html "The Trouble With Tough Love"], ''Washington Post'', 28 January 2006.</ref><ref>[http://consensus.nih.gov/2004/2004YouthViolencePreventionSOS023html.htm 2004 Youth Violence Prevention], National Institute of Health.</ref>
The term has been appropriated to justify authoritarian parenting{{sfn|Hawkes|2016|p=62}} and [[Boot camp (correctional)|boot camps]] for teenagers which [[Maia Szalavitz]] characterizes as [[child abuse|abusive]].<ref>Szalavitz, Maia. [http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/28/AR2006012800062.html "The Trouble With Tough Love"], ''Washington Post'', 28 January 2006.</ref> The [[National Institutes of Health]] noted that "get tough treatments do not work and there is some evidence that they may make the problem worse".<ref>[http://consensus.nih.gov/2004/2004YouthViolencePreventionSOS023html.htm 2004 Youth Violence Prevention], National Institute of Health.</ref>


There is evidence to suggest that what the British call ''tough love'' can be beneficial in the development of preferred character traits in children up to five years old. However, the British definition used by these researchers is more similar to the concept of [[Parenting styles#Authoritative|"authoritative" parenting]], whereas American ideas about tough love are closer to the notion of [[Parenting styles#Authoritarian parenting|"authoritarian" parenting]], which has been linked with negative outcomes in other research.<ref>[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8348938.stm "Tough love 'is good for children'"], ''BBC News'', 8 November 2009.</ref> These negative outcomes include poor social skills, lower levels of self-esteem, and higher levels of depression <ref>(http://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/authoritarian-parenting#overview1</ref>
There is evidence to suggest that what the British call ''tough love'' can be beneficial in the development of preferred character traits in children up to five years old. However, the British definition used by these researchers is more similar to the concept of [[Parenting styles#Authoritative|"authoritative" parenting]], whereas American ideas about tough love are closer to the notion of [[Parenting styles#Authoritarian parenting|"authoritarian" parenting]], which has been linked with negative outcomes in other research.<ref>[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8348938.stm "Tough love 'is good for children'"], ''BBC News'', 8 November 2009.</ref> These negative outcomes include poor social skills, lower levels of self-esteem, and higher levels of depression <ref>(http://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/authoritarian-parenting#overview1</ref>

Revision as of 11:18, 21 September 2017

For other uses, see Tough love (disambiguation).

Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run.

In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love.[1][2]

The term has been appropriated to justify authoritarian parenting[3] and boot camps for teenagers which Maia Szalavitz characterizes as abusive.[4] The National Institutes of Health noted that "get tough treatments do not work and there is some evidence that they may make the problem worse".[5]

There is evidence to suggest that what the British call tough love can be beneficial in the development of preferred character traits in children up to five years old. However, the British definition used by these researchers is more similar to the concept of "authoritative" parenting, whereas American ideas about tough love are closer to the notion of "authoritarian" parenting, which has been linked with negative outcomes in other research.[6] These negative outcomes include poor social skills, lower levels of self-esteem, and higher levels of depression [7]

The phrase "tough love" itself is believed to have originated with Bill Milliken's book of the same title[a] in 1968.[8][9][10][3]

See also

Notes

  1. ^ The book is Milliken, B., & Meredith, C. (1968). Tough love. Old Tappan, N.J: F.H. Revell Co.

Citations

  1. ^ Vine, Sarah. Tough love or TLC?, The Times, 31 August 2007.
  2. ^ Jardine, Cassandra. "The ultimate betrayal or just tough love?", Daily Telegraph, 4 March 2009.
  3. ^ a b Hawkes 2016, p. 62.
  4. ^ Szalavitz, Maia. "The Trouble With Tough Love", Washington Post, 28 January 2006.
  5. ^ 2004 Youth Violence Prevention, National Institute of Health.
  6. ^ "Tough love 'is good for children'", BBC News, 8 November 2009.
  7. ^ (http://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/authoritarian-parenting#overview1
  8. ^ Jung 2015, p. 109.
  9. ^ Hall, Hall & Daman 2010, p. 162.
  10. ^ Miller 2009, p. 86.

References

  • Hall, Douglas A.; Hall, Judy; Daman, Steve (2010). The cat and the toaster: Living system ministry in a technological age. Urban Voice. Wipf & Stock. ISBN 978-1-60899-270-6. {{cite book}}: Invalid |ref=harv (help)
  • Hawkes, Tim (2016). Ten Conversations You Must Have with Your Son: Preparing Your Son for a Happy and Successful Life. Penguin. ISBN 978-1-101-99225-8. {{cite book}}: Invalid |ref=harv (help)
  • Jung, J.H. (2015). The Concept of Care in Curriculum Studies: Juxtaposing Currere and Hakbeolism. Studies in Curriculum Theory Series. Taylor & Francis. ISBN 978-1-317-38462-5. {{cite book}}: Invalid |ref=harv (help)
  • Miller, C.J. (2009). Repentance: A Daring Call to Real Surrender. CLC Publications. ISBN 978-1-936143-63-4. Retrieved 21 September 2017. {{cite book}}: Invalid |ref=harv (help)
  • The dictionary definition of tough love at Wiktionary
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