User:LisaTruong3/Biodiversity loss/Yanakigel1 Peer Review: Difference between revisions
Yanakigel1 (talk | contribs) Wrote a peer review for the Biodiversity loss article sandbox |
Yanakigel1 (talk | contribs) m Added to the evaluation of the draft |
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== Evaluate the drafted changes == |
== Evaluate the drafted changes == |
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The article is well chosen since there is much that could be added to it. You found a lot of references to look into which is great since I couldn't find as many for my own topic. I have checked the sources/references and they seem reliable. The content seems neutral |
The article is well chosen since there is much that could be added to it. You found a lot of references to look into, which is great since I couldn't find as many for my own topic. I have checked the sources/references and they seem reliable. The content seems neutral since you have also added a part of beneficial impacts followed by the noise pollution. |
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Some of the sentences could be rewritten. For example in the sentence "Noise pollution has also impaired fish hearing, killed and isolated whale populations, stress response developed in marine species, and changed species’ physiology." the following part " stress response developed in marine species" could be reworded. Some of the sentences feel a bit run-on and could be split into two. |
Some of the sentences could be rewritten. For example in the sentence "Noise pollution has also impaired fish hearing, killed and isolated whale populations, stress response developed in marine species, and changed species’ physiology." the following part " stress response developed in marine species" could be reworded. Some of the sentences feel a bit run-on and could be split into two. |
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Also the third line of the "Air pollution" has repetitive wording to the two first lines. I think it could be shortened. |
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I wonder if light pollution could also be a topic, perhaps about nocturnal species of animals/insects. |
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For more balanced coverage, the future development of the article, "Overexploitation" could be further expended. It feels like a large topic, and currently is short compared to the rest of the text. In addition, "Overexploitation" could be combined with the original articles paragraph under "Pollution". I feel like they are closely interlinked and should either be placed closely or combined. |
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Second sentence of "Bird loss" could be clarified. I am not sure if the mentioned species of critically endangered birds refer to a specific country, continent or generally earth. Also a date could be added since it changes so often. Earth worm part could be more clear as well, was not sure if the 85% refers to last decade/ century or something else. |
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Birds and insect sections are very large topics while "earthworms" might feel very specific in contract. I wonder if there is a more broad term that might include worms as part of it. I really like your structure otherwise, I wouldn't move anything else. |
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"Biodiversity loss in marine environment" section is very well written and is very clear. You could also add an example of marine animals leaving their habitats/migrating or changing swimming paths, for example whales and sharks which move due to frequent ship paths and overpopulation of waters (especially in places like tourist resort). I think you could find a few examples about the melting glaciers (north pole) and cave systems as well. As I mentioned earlier, the article is well chosen, with lots of new material that could be added. I noticed there is not much on the talk page. You could add suggestions on what could be added or looked into if you won't be able to touch on all the topics you wanted by the end of the term. |
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Not sure if you have seen it but there is an article I found -> https://ourworld.unu.edu/en/what-happened-here-at-the-salton-sea , its also similar to biodiversity loss in Israel from blocking the water exiting sea of galilee, which effected the water level in the dead sea. |
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| ⚫ | You added a large amount of examples into your work which really support the ideas of the text and show the magnitude of the problem. I did not yet add examples to my own work but after reading yours I definitely will. There is also a lot of links to other Wikipedia articles, which is great because I almost forgot to do it myself! Am really impressed with your amount of text :) |
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Latest revision as of 01:43, 4 March 2021
 | Peer review
Complete your peer review exercise below, providing as much constructive criticism as possible. The more detailed suggestions you provide, the more useful it will be to your classmate. Make sure you consider each of the following aspects: LeadGuiding questions:
ContentGuiding questions:
Tone and BalanceGuiding questions:
Sources and ReferencesGuiding questions:
OrganizationGuiding questions:
Images and MediaGuiding questions: If your peer added images or media
For New Articles OnlyIf the draft you're reviewing is for a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.
Overall impressionsGuiding questions:
Examples of good feedbackA good article evaluation can take a number of forms. The most essential things are to clearly identify the biggest shortcomings, and provide specific guidance on how the article can be improved.
Additional Resources |
General info
[edit]- Whose work are you reviewing?
(LisaTruong3)
- Link to draft you're reviewing
- User:LisaTruong3/Biodiversity loss
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
- Biodiversity loss
Evaluate the drafted changes
[edit]The article is well chosen since there is much that could be added to it. You found a lot of references to look into, which is great since I couldn't find as many for my own topic. I have checked the sources/references and they seem reliable. The content seems neutral since you have also added a part of beneficial impacts followed by the noise pollution.
Some of the sentences could be rewritten. For example in the sentence "Noise pollution has also impaired fish hearing, killed and isolated whale populations, stress response developed in marine species, and changed species’ physiology." the following part " stress response developed in marine species" could be reworded. Some of the sentences feel a bit run-on and could be split into two.
Also the third line of the "Air pollution" has repetitive wording to the two first lines. I think it could be shortened.
I wonder if light pollution could also be a topic, perhaps about nocturnal species of animals/insects.
Last paragraph, first sentence of "Invasive species" could be broken into two or shortened.
Second sentence of "Bird loss" could be clarified. I am not sure if the mentioned species of critically endangered birds refer to a specific country, continent or generally earth. Also a date could be added since it changes so often. Earth worm part could be more clear as well, was not sure if the 85% refers to last decade/ century or something else.
Birds and insect sections are very large topics while "earthworms" might feel very specific in contract. I wonder if there is a more broad term that might include worms as part of it. I really like your structure otherwise, I wouldn't move anything else.
"Biodiversity loss in marine environment" section is very well written and is very clear. You could also add an example of marine animals leaving their habitats/migrating or changing swimming paths, for example whales and sharks which move due to frequent ship paths and overpopulation of waters (especially in places like tourist resort). I think you could find a few examples about the melting glaciers (north pole) and cave systems as well. As I mentioned earlier, the article is well chosen, with lots of new material that could be added. I noticed there is not much on the talk page. You could add suggestions on what could be added or looked into if you won't be able to touch on all the topics you wanted by the end of the term.
Not sure if you have seen it but there is an article I found -> https://ourworld.unu.edu/en/what-happened-here-at-the-salton-sea , its also similar to biodiversity loss in Israel from blocking the water exiting sea of galilee, which effected the water level in the dead sea.
You added a large amount of examples into your work which really support the ideas of the text and show the magnitude of the problem. I did not yet add examples to my own work but after reading yours I definitely will. There is also a lot of links to other Wikipedia articles, which is great because I almost forgot to do it myself! Am really impressed with your amount of text :)