Talk:Unrequited love

Removing negative POV

I'd like to make some changes to this article. Mainly, I would be making additions for the sake of balance (ie. not making unrequited love sound inherently dangerous and harmful), regarding which I know I am supposed to be bold. However, there is one thing I'd like to delete, and it's my understanding that I should post about it here first:

The statement about unrequited love being the "opposite" of agape strikes me as pretty judgemental. I see it was initially written by the same person who created the entry and claimed "God, with His perfectly unconditional love, is the ultimate answer to a person dragging along with unrequited love", which leads me to think it was part of the propaganda (ie. "no flawed human could really love another person selflessly the way we should love God"). There is nothing to stop an unrequited love from being just as selfless as any other kind, and I consider the agape statement to be factually incorrect. (If one prefers to stick strictly with the definition of agape as referring only to love of one's creator, then, the statement should be removed on the basis of being non sequitur.)

I'll wait a little while to see if anybody wants to make an argument for the agape statement, and if not, make the change.

-- Steve-o 04:31, 2004 Oct 28 (UTC)

I agree with the previous complaint, and would like to add "Therefore this love cannot be indefinitely sustained by the lover." to the "to delete" list.

Steve-O, is that really you? You should link here to your awesome website [even though you didn't publish my story :)]

A random catharsis(?)

How can the torture of one person's heart endure for long? I have struggled under the weight of unrequited love for 3 months now. The object of my affection knows my feelings and knows that I would give up my whole world only to be loved in return. I can not eat, sleep, or even sit without thinking of her. There is an age difference and one of us is married- but my heart says that there are no obstacles that could be too big to overcome. I love her and I know that I always will. I maintain my sanity by holding on to the idea that one day, tomorrow or twenty years from now, circumstances may change and we will be together.

      -From the heart of Monsieur G

I've felt unrequited love for 6 years since after a 2 year failed relationship. 8 years. She was much older than I. She was married twice, but both former husbands had died violently & rather unexpectedly. She goes through many flings with others, and I've not been with anyone since. Shes always lived so far away too, except when we were together. She simply, feels nothing for me anymore. It weighs on me always. 67.5.159.208 04:04, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

Ideas for additions

I've made a number of changes tonight, some of them significant, in one big revision. If anyone has objections to the changes, please say so. I have a couple further ideas:

1. I would, personally, like to completely remove the reference to eCRUSH. In my opinion sites of that nature do nothing to help, and end up preying on the lonely while peppering large numbers of people with irrelevant "somebody likes you" email. However, that's just my own experience with it, so I don't want to simply delete it without seeing whether there are objections. Hence, the supplemental text I put in.
2. I think that fantasies / daydreams are an important part of unrequited love, and probably deserve a paragraph, if not a whole section. Any opinions?
3. As another user mentioned above, I have a website devoted to the experience of being in unrequited love. It is in some ways similar to Joelogon's site, which I added to the article. (Including the similarity that I practically never update it anymore.) I think it is useful, but, I don't want to be seen as simply tying to plug my own stuff. Does anybody else think an external link to my site is a good idea?

--Steve-o 07:46, 1 February 2006 (UTC)

Under Music, add Donovan's "Catch the wind" -Jalburrito

I think the fantasies/daydreams may not be that important. They are a big part of limerence, so I'm not sure if they are a big part of unrequited love. -- Lord Airen 05:39, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

Definition

Is love that was previously returned, but is no longer, still considered unrequited love? I would think so, as it seems to match the definition for both unrequited and love. This would broaded the concept quite a bit to include former beau's. 72.138.175.14 18:45, 21 April 2006 (UTC)

Yes, of course. Unrequited love is just one-way love. Since people fall in & out of love, it can become one way when once it was mutual. 67.5.159.208 04:07, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

Deity

I was wondering if anyone could comment on eutheistic beliefs about a God's love for all of humanity, and how this might be a type of unrequited love. 209.33.227.107 23:45, 3 June 2006 (UTC)

as long as you follow the Wikipedia:No original research policy, you certainly could add it in. --Facto 03:05, 4 June 2006 (UTC)

see also limerence

was thinking about adding this to the see also section, since oftern the two are related. Should I? ~ crazytales56297 -talk- 02:08, 2 August 2006 (UTC)

I also fell in love with a beautiful Pagan girl. She was everything to me. This was 5 years ago. She has 4 different children from 4 different lovers but I still can't stop thinking about her. Oh well. I moved a long distance away from her but that would not get her out of my mind. Sometimes I think about a science fiction movie that would remove unpleasant thoughts. They are depressing because I was so happy and engaged to be married to her and her family.

Actually, it has been done already: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. A great movie, staring Kate Winslet and Jim Carey.

Incorrect reference?

"Unrequited love can generally last a very long time, as long as a few decades. [2]"

I just took a look at the website to which that statement was referenced (www.shaadibliss.com/articles/dating/can-unrequited-love-be-real.html) and it doesn't contain any information supporting that.

You're right, so I added a citation tagF17 06:00, 7 October 2006 (UTC)

That site was added by a link spammer. Feel free to delete it wherever you see it. Guy (Help!) 20:59, 18 January 2007 (UTC)

Trust me, it can last a very long time. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 80.14.0.6 (talk • contribs)

I believe you, I know it can last a long time. UnDeRsCoRe 20:58, 10 October 2006 (UTC)

Simply from personal experience, combined with the time of the relationship itself, at least 5 years. And one source above in this discussion referenced it as eight years. Although weasel words shouldn't be used in most cases, consider adding "potentially" into the statement to note that although this may not be standard, there could be one or two people out there who have carried unrequited love for over 2 decades. Then add that the standard is likely under a decade. Bulmabriefs144 02:15, 13 November 2006 (UTC)

FWIW I have carried my unrequited love for 15 years now... if that is not "a long time" I do not know what is -- an_unrequited_lover

Cool page

This page is brilliant, it is so off the wall and cool, I can't believe it is actually here! Great work! JayKeaton 13:55, 2 December 2006 (UTC)

What's with the Picture?

I don't want to have a long answer to this, so I'll be blunt: how the hell does the picture illustrate unrequited love? It's just a woman grimacing at a camera, with a man who happens to be behind her, dancing (I think). If no-one can provide a good, exhaustive argument, I'll take it off the article. From what I know, and have experienced, unrequited love is not just a picture moment, but something that lasts weeks at least; one cannot take a picture of a situation not dissimilar to the one presented in the picture in question and claim that it is of unrequited love. Also, he (from what I can see) doesn't even like her. He just happens to be dancing (or pretending to be making sexual advances) behind her.Daniel 00:21, 27 January 2007 (UTC)

I agree with you 100%. The picture should be removed from the article. janejellyroll 00:22, 27 January 2007 (UTC)

The picture does illustrate unrequited love. Although unrequited love does "last for weeks" and is not a "picture moment", it is difficult to illustrate a period of time using an image. Thus, the best visual depictions of unrequited love capture moments that are symptomatic of the larger ongoing experience of unrequited love. In capturing a single moment that grows out of the longer-term experience of unrequited love, this image serves the same function as the painting below it, although it does so in a manner (in terms of setting, dress, and facial expression) that is more relevant to a contemporary audience. And your view on what the photo illustrates is, of course, highly subjective. To me, the man looks really interested in the woman: he wants to dance with her, he wants to talk to her. She, on the other hand, looks utterly disgusted. Perhaps she is not exhibiting her disgust to him out of a sympathetic impulse, but it is clear that he has different desires than she does. Actually, I think the different feelings between the two parties are far clearer here than in the painting that has long been part of this article. This may be a difficult concept to illustrate, but this picture rises to the challenge better than anything else I have seen. Wikiillustrator 20:30, 28 January 2007 (UTC)