User:TheAmazingRaspberry/sandbox

THIS IS PURELY SATIRICAL AND NOT MEANT TO REFLECT REAL EVENTS.

During the 2023 DaBaby Riots that started after the attempted assassination of American politician Jonathan "DaBaby" Kirk on April 3, 2023 outside his home in North Carolina, there were many deaths. While the riots have been criticized by some, many neoliberal commentators have reacted positively to the diverse nature of the victims.

List of deaths

Deaths during DaBaby Riots

Date	Location	Name	Details
April 5, 2023	Los Angeles, California	Paul Branson	Shot in a drive-by shooting by an anti-DaBaby rioter.
April 6, 2023	Sacramento, California	Miguel Vazquez	Hit by a car transporting California governor Jared Leto.
April 8, 2023	Wheeling, West Virginia	Chris James	Hit by a fallen tree chopped down during a riot.
		Marianne Lewis
April 9, 2023	Los Angeles, California	Terry Danton	Stabbed by popular YouTuber Zach Darren, also known as ZaKaRe, as part of the "Stab a person" challenge.
April 9, 2023	Detroit, Michigan	Janae Archer	Shoved into an open manhole.
April 10, 2023	Hartford, Connecticut	Ronnie Ferguson	Killed by a DaBomb.
		Danielle Mist
		Evan Young
April 10, 2023	Denver, Colorado	Troy Barker	Self-immolated.
April 10, 2023	New Haven, Connecticut	Hank Christopher	Died after his apartment was set alight by a DaFirebomb.
April 11, 2023	New York City, New York	Paul Yi	Shot and killed during a riot in Manhattan.
April 11, 2023	Houston, Texas	Kevin Irwin	Tried to run down a group of DaBaby supporters in his 2020 Nissan Altima and accidentally drove off the roof of a parking garage.
April 12, 2023	Houston, Texas	Julia Watanabe	DaBaby supporter crushed by a 2020 Nissan Altima that drove off the roof of a parking garage. Died a day later at a hospital.
April 12, 2023	Seattle, Washington	Tom Nguyen	Killed by a DaBomb.
		Zhongli Yang
April 12, 2023	Portland, Oregon	Ken O'Malley	Drank poisoned DaJuice.
April 12, 2023	Jersey City, New Jersey	Harry Edwards	Shot and killed by a rioter.
April 12, 2023	Newark, New Jersey	Kevin Tommy	Mauled by a lion that had escaped from the Central Park Zoo.
April 13, 2023	Palm Beach, Florida	Donald Trump	Died of a heart attack after seeing a black man outside Mar-a-Lago.
April 13, 2023	Las Vegas, Nevada	Tim Bass	Died after the Golden Nugget was set on fire. One of the deceased (Bass) was a three-year-old baby born in 2020.
		Carona Veighrus Smith
		Ron Williams
April 13, 2023	Trenton, New Jersey	Wyatt Harrison	Hit by a stolen Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
April 13, 2023	Philadelphia, Pennsylvania	Derek Gourd	Attempted to rob a man and was thrown over a bridge.
April 14, 2023	Richmond, Virginia	D'Angelo Orson	Killed by a car bomb. Orson was a known DaBaby supporter.
April 14, 2023	Charlotte, North Carolina	Ariel Johnson	Voluntary sacrificed herself to DaBaby in front of his Charlotte residence.
April 14, 2023	Charlotte, Maine	Randal Forth	DaBaby supporter led to the wrong place by anti-DaBabyists and sneak attacked.
April 15, 2023	Chicago, Illinois	Nina Alvarez	Killed by a DaBazooka.
		Tracie Bradford
		Devon Myers
		Raul Vegas
April 16, 2023	Omaha, Nebraska	Joe Donaldson	Professional DaBaby impersonator attacked with stones by an anti-DaBaby group.
April 16, 2023	El Paso, Texas	Juan Rodriguez	Slipped on a banana peel. Rodriguez had come from Mexico to El Paso to experience American culture, not unlike The Purge.
April 16, 2023	San Antonio, Texas	Celina Mendez	Forgot about the Alamo.
April 17, 2023	Salt Lake City, Utah	Tina Edison	Fell off of edge into Salt Lake during conflict with DaBaby supporters and drowned.
April 17, 2023	Seattle, Washington	Jeff Bezos	Guillotined by group of former children.
April 17, 2023	Charlotte, North Carolina	DaBaby (clone)	Shot by a friend of DaBaby's after declaring "Which should I shoot!?" and asking a question only the real DaBaby could know.
April 18, 2023	San Diego, California	Ryan Smith	Died of a heart attack.
April 18, 2023	Burbank, California	Jeff Barnes	Trampled to death when rioters stormed a Buy More store.
		Morgan Grimes
		Lester Patel
		Mike Tucker
April 19, 2023	San Francisco, California	Junko Enoshima	Tried to incite a riot in San Francisco and was killed by a combined group of DaBaby supporters and anti-DaBabyists.
April 21, 2023	Boston, Massachusetts	John McCarter	Died after rioters noticed he was wearing New York Yankees merchandise.
April 22, 2023	Washington, D.C.	Ellen Hart	Attempted to storm the United States Capitol and were immolated by the Capitol Dome Laser.
		Devi Kumar
		Martin Sanders
		Tyler Ulrich
April 23, 2023	Boise, Idaho	Andrew Kensington	White supremacist who died during a riot in Boise. Cause of death unknown, but it is suspected he was killed by Jewish Space Lasers.
April 23, 2023	Butte, Montana	Danny Trenton	Mispronounced Butte during a speech and was attacked by angry residents.
April 24, 2023	Denver, Colorado	Aaron Tong	Killed after building collapsed due to DaBomb.
April 24, 2023	Santa Barbara, California	Shawn Spencer	A self proclaimed psychic detective failed to predict he would be hit by a car.
April 24, 2023	New York City, New York	Tony Bologna	A man from Brooklyn was walkin' here when he was stabbed by the owner of Ray's Pizza.
April 25, 2023	Cleveland, Ohio	Michaela Partridge	Died while surfing on the top of a pizza truck.
April 25, 2023	Philadelphia, Pennsylvania	Gary Dorner	Fell off of a skyscraper and died from a heart attack.
April 26, 2023	Gary, Indiana	Steve Summers	Existed in Gary.
April 26, 2023	Des Moines, Iowa	Anne Marie Shaw	Died while looking for stuff to do in Iowa and accidentally stumbling into a riot.
April 26, 2023	Detroit, Michigan	Roy Quinn	Attempted to have shit in Detroit.
April 27, 2023	Stamford, Connecticut	Vince McMahon	Died when rioters stormed the WWE headquarters.
April 27, 2023	Roswell, New Mexico	Bill O'Fallon	Abducted by aliens.
April 27, 2023	Atlanta, Georgia	Jenny Peachtree	Shot and killed by Pete "Peachtree" Tret at the intersection of Peachtree Avenue and Peachetree Road at the corner of Peachtree Park near the Peachtree market.
April 28, 2023	Atlantic City, New Jersey	Marco Zito	After losing his money at a casino, he attempted to rob a group of rioters. However, he accidentally slipped on a banana peel.
April 28, 2023	Anchorage, Alaska	Franklin Whitney	Froze to death.
April 28, 2023	Honolulu, Hawaii	Itsuki Nakamoto	Was told "surf's up dude" and said "no, surf's down". He was then attacked with a surfboard.
April 29, 2023	Philadelphia, Pennsylvania	Henry Swift	Choked to death on a hoagie.
April 29, 2023	Phoenix, Arizona	Edna Gorman	Spontaneously combusted.
April 30, 2023	Myrtle Beach, South Carolina	Taylor Crenshaw	Shot by a harpoon gun.
April 30, 2023	Pigeon Forge, Tennessee	Teresa Jackson	Shot by a harpoon gun in an attempt to be like Myrtle Beach.
April 30, 2023	Branson, Missouri	Leslye Borden-Schmidt	Shot by a harpoon gun in an attempt to be like Myrtle Beach.
May 1, 2023	Harrison, Arkansas	Trent Ali	Minority who attempted to exist in Harrison.
May 1, 2023	Raleigh, North Carolina	Ian Jefferson	Turned into a convertible.
May 1, 2023	Allentown, Pennsylvania	Charlene Brooks	Beaten with a folding chair.
May 2, 2023	Washington, D.C.	Hugo Oldman	Attempted to assassinate President Rock" Johnson and accidentally slipped on a banana peel.
May 2, 2023	Fargo, North Dakota	Jonas Low	Something relating to the TV show Fargo.
May 2, 2023	Eureka, Oregon	Dexter St. John	Floated away.
May 3, 2023	Arlington, Texas	Ken Costas	Did too much trolling.
May 3, 2023	San Francisco, California	Allister Cork	Died in a fight between Redditors (Tomlinson) and Twitter users (Rutherford and Cork).
		McKenzi Rutherford
		Brandon Tomlinson
May 4, 2023	Rapid City, South Dakota	F.J. Ellison	Died after [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] due to [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] Luigi [REDACTED] died.
May 4, 2023	Quantico, Virginia	Zeke Kennedy	Killed during a riot in Virginia. Yep. Nothing government-y happened here, nosiree.
May 4, 2023	Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania	Stephanie Cobb	Trampled.
May 5, 2023	Pago Pago, American Samoa	Elias Pama	Killed when people realized no one had died that day yet.
May 6, 2023	Charleston, South Carolina	Gerry Simmons	Shot. Sorry, I couldn’t come up with anything that creative or funny for this one.
May 6, 2023	Albany, New York	Terry DeGraff	A police officer accidentally shot himself while trying to shoot a dog.
May 6, 2023	Los Angeles, California	Gavin Kim	SQUID GAMES‼️
May 6, 2023	Appleton, Wisconsin	Melvin Thompson	Got ratio'd on Twitter.
May 7, 2023	Austin, Texas	Lewis Ford	Killed in a Sigma Nation attack.
		Samantha Kwan
		Ricardo Mendez
		Vanessa Stanley
May 7, 2023	Omaha, Nebraska	Ed Morris	Deemed a Beta male and obliterated.
May 8, 2023	Wilmington, Delaware	Jana Sanders	Didn't share her friend Emily's DaBaby copypasta and was devoured by the DaDemon.
May 8, 2023	San Bernardino, California	Peter Patel	Young man makes fun of Dhar Mann, INSTANTLY regrets it!
May 8, 2023	Miami, Florida	Valentino Chavez	Killed by Michael Westen, who used to be a spy.
May 9, 2023	Bay Lake, Florida	Cheri Lopez	Blown up by a Disney World Security Tank.
		Johnny North
		Barry Thorpe
May 9, 2023	Tallahassee, Florida	Ariana Hart	Shot and killed by Florida Governor Corona Virus.
May 9, 2023	Montgomery, Alabama	Griffin Bundy	Tried to steal a painting and it fell on him.
May 9, 2023	New Orleans, Louisiana	Cal Cavanaugh	Stumbled into a riot after realizing he missed Mardi Gras.
May 10, 2023	Cambridge, Massachusetts	Alvin Addison	Harvard University student beaten up for being a nerd.
May 10, 2023	Cheyenne, Wyoming	Cory Deadwood	Attacked by a shark.
May 10, 2023	Reno, Nevada	Isaias Hernandez	Struck by a big ol' bus.
May 11, 2023	Fairbanks, Alaska	Alexei Petrov	Russian soldiers who attempted to invade Alaska but were slain by the they/them army.
		Alexandr Rodin
		Dmitri Zaikin
May 11, 2023	San Jose, California	Marcel Watkins-Watkins	Beaten up by a group of Anti-DaBabyists after announcing he made a DaBaby NFT.
May 11, 2023	Houston, Texas	Enes Kanter Freedom	Saw a Chinese man.
May 11, 2023	Springfield, Massachusetts	Sasha Green	Tried to steal a catalytic converter and accidentally detonated a car bomb.
May 12, 2023	Louisville, Kentucky	Mia So	dead
May 12, 2023	Cedar Rapids, Iowa	Tatianna Clemson	Broke a speed limit while fleeing a riot and was immolated instantly.
May 12, 2023	Dallas, Texas	James Rossi	Shot. Who shot him? Who knows? Tune in next season to find out.
May 12, 2023	Jacksonville, Florida	Leonie Newberry	Stabbed in the hair.
May 13, 2023	Jackson, Mississippi	Jackson Shot	Shot and killed in a case of nominative determinism.
May 13, 2023	Columbus, Ohio	Steve Coleman	Picked up by a giant bird and flown away.
May 13, 2023	Madison, Wisconsin	Chloe Paul	Struck by a cheese truck.
May 13, 2023	Las Vegas, Nevada	Toby Green	DaBaby supporter tried to escape anti-DaBabyists by fleeing into a Hyperloop but found it was backed up with traffic.
May 14, 2023	Indianapolis, Indiana	Zach Palmer	DaShanked by a DaKnife.
May 14, 2023	Baltimore, Maryland	Vernon Boyd	Hospital workers killed by a DaDrone strike ordered by Regional Captain Barack Obama.
		Carla Cho
		Pauline Eyad
		Rafe Morrison
		Lenisha Prescott
		Julio Young
May 14, 2023	Nashville, Tennessee	Maddie Warwick	Beaten with a stop sign.
May 15, 2023	Oklahoma City, Oklahoma	Dawson Lloyd	Brought a gun to a knife fight.
May 15, 2023	Tulsa, Oklahoma	Lloyd Dawson	Brought a knife to a gun fight.
May 15, 2023	Buffalo, New York	Joel Lewis	Trampled by a buffalo.
May 15, 2023	New Haven, Connecticut	Roland Murphy	New Yorker who was so enlightened by eating good pizza that he stepped onto the road and was struck by a rioter's car.
May 16, 2023	Providence, Rhode Island	Lee Yu	Jumped off a roof into water to escape rioters but instead fell on a boat.
May 16, 2023	Arlington, Virginia	DeShawn Harris	Crashed his car after someone devious licked his car brakes.
May 16, 2023	Cincinnati, Ohio	Kayla Rivera	Fell into a giant pit after her deck was stolen.
May 16, 2023	St. Louis, Missouri	June Lexington	Fell off the Gateway Arch.
May 16, 2023	Wichita, Kansas	Louise Niles	Sucked into a tornado
May 17, 2023	Houston, Texas	Marty O'Hara	Construction worker struck by a fleeing car while building the 15th lane of the highway.
May 17, 2023	New Britain, Connecticut	Jenna Silverstein	Attacked by the Snow Monster after it was released from NBC Connecticut headquarters.
May 17, 2023	Beaumont, Texas	Clark Hatchett	Attacked from behind while reading this article.
May 17, 2023	Waco, Texas	Helen Bridges	DaBaby supporters killed in a raid by Waco Security forces.
		Chet Gannett
		Deanna Gannett
		Vikash Modi
		Hayden Shin
May 18, 2023	Evansville, Indiana	Harley Young	What did the car bomb say to the Harley? Kaboom!
May 18, 2023	Kansas City, Kansas	Alaina Washington	Didn't do it for the Vine.
May 18, 2023	Lincoln, Nebraska	Warren Farren	Hit by a flying penny.
May 18, 2023	Broken Arrow, Oklahoma	Al Mankiller	Shot by an arrow.
May 19, 2023	Huntington Beach, California	Guodong He	He died.
May 19, 2023	Los Angeles, California	Jimmy Kimmel	Invited a DaBaby supporter named Armand Peck/The Jokester onto his show.
May 19, 2023	Rochester, New York	Tyson Fang	Attacked by Freddy Faxbore.
May 19, 2023	Yakima, Washington	Sara McAllen	DaFirebombed by Nintendo Security Forces after they learned she pirated Super Mario World.
May 20, 2023	Casper, Wyoming	Wilma Grey Wolf	Attacked by a friendly ghost.
May 20, 2023	Anaheim, California	Jonathan Brent	Attacked by a group of DaBaby supporters after saying that "DaBeighbeigh" isn't a good name for a newborn.
May 20, 2023	Albuquerque, New Mexico	Emmanuel Canton	Blown up by a wheelchair bomb.
		Clem Harmon
		Alberto Ortiz
May 21, 2023	Minneapolis, Minnesota	Audrey Vang	Accidentally drove into a fire hydrant and her car exploded.
May 21, 2023	Saint Paul, Minnesota	Xavier Vang	Hit by a flying tire.
May 21, 2023	Waterbury, Vermont	Gertrude Pennington	Attacked by the Ben & Jerry's ice cream zombies.
May 22, 2023	Manchester, New Hampshire	Stuart Russell	Crushed by the trophy during the awards ceremony for the "State with no DaBaby Riot deaths" award.
May 22, 2023	San Juan, Puerto Rico	Pedro Diaz Gomez	Hit by a boat.
May 22, 2023	Little Rock, Arkansas	Jordan Jameson	Hit by a big rock.
May 23, 2023	Spokane, Washington	Hal Church	Shot by a bear.
May 23, 2023	Asheville, North Carolina	Camilla Bolton	Died when the DaJuice factory ruptured and flooded the streets.
		Ivy Daniels
		Edmond Lawrence
		Poppy Marlowe
		Oscar Rains
May 23, 2023	Santa Cruz, California	Jong-soo Ryu	Hit by a runaway Ferris wheel.
May 23, 2023	Detroit, Michigan	Dee Troy	Became human.
May 23, 2023	Hilo, Hawaii	Danni Kealoha	Attacked by Ezra Miller.
		Burton Nakajima
May 24, 2023	Winston-Salem, North Carolina	Julien Donaldson	Shot by DaBaby in self-defense, along with 16 other people.
		Chelle Edmonds
		Broderick Johnson
		Asia Miller
		Lisa Zhu
May 24, 2023	Los Angeles, California	Remy Wells	Slapped by Will Smith. Remember that? That was weird, right? Like, that was blown way out of proportion. I mean, there was a whole war going on.
May 25, 2023	San Francisco, California	Petey Duncan	Got Morbed on.
		Ida Manning
		Clair Sanchez
May 25, 2023	Chicago, Illinois	Tayvon Thompson	Boody and loosky that ran with BD's got beef with ta toonka who is OGD's son.
May 25, 2023	Tampa, Florida	June Kirk	Eaten by an alligator, which was eaten by a crocodile, which was eaten by Tom Brady.
May 26, 2023	Fort Worth, Texas	Nicole Dime	Lost all value at the fort.
May 26, 2023	Toledo, Ohio	Baxter Aquino	Killed by Michigan invading forces.
May 26, 2023	Bowling Green, Kentucky	Knox Tennyson and his nine clones	Knocked over by a giant boulder.
May 26, 2023	Memphis, Tennessee	Colton Hayes	Fell from the Bass Pro Pyramid.
May 27, 2023	Lexington, Kentucky	John Thomas	Tarred.
May 27, 2023	Concord, New Hampshire	George Adams	Feathered.
May 27, 2023	Tucson, Arizona	Sabrina Phelps	Misspelled Tucson as "Tuscon" and pronounced it as "TUCK-son".
May 28, 2023	Milwaukee, Wisconsin	Sherm Pollack	I don't know anything about Milwaukee, sorry.
May 28, 2023	Bel Air, Maryland	Jay Williams	Wasn't fresh enough.
May 28, 2023	Mobile, Alabama	Junhui Chen	Group of people mistaken for DaBaby and attacked.
		Olaf Henrikssen
		Rosa Hernandez
May 29, 2023	Boston, Massachusetts	Patrick Reagan	Went to Bunker Hill instead of Breeds Hill.
May 29, 2023	Waterbury, Connecticut	Christina Wilson	Smited by God at Holy Land USA.
May 29, 2023	Hoboken, New Jersey	Jared Leto	Murdered by Patrick Bateman, I think?
May 29, 2023	Sandusky, Ohio	Pierce Zimmerman	Accidentally rode the Euthanasia Coaster.
May 30, 2023	Las Cruces, New Mexico	Ivan Kartsev	Killed by a pickaxe-wielding intruder.
May 30, 2023	Duluth, Minnesota	Adam Call	Beaten up for being a DaBaby supporter and also for having an Android phone.
May 30, 2023	Provo, Utah	Helen Webb	Got depicted as the soy wojak in an argument.
May 30, 2023	Athens, Georgia	Carolina Jones	Couldn't answer the riddles three.
May 31, 2023	Oakland, California	Bethany Carlyle	Went to Oakland for a campaign stop while running for Governor of California and got stabbed.
May 31, 2023	Carlsbad, California	Carl Chung	Went to Carlsbad for a campaign stop while running for Governor of California and got attacked by local residents.
May 31, 2023	Fresno, California	Marc Hinojosa	Went to Fresno for a campaign stop while running for Governor of California and died of boredom because there wasn't anything to do.
May 31, 2023	Redding, California	Melony Aquino	Went to Redding for a campaign stop while running for Governor of California and got attacked by people whose favorite color isn't red.
June 1, 2023	Sacramento, California	Amir Aksoy	Shot by security forces at the inauguration for Governor of California T.J. Miller
		Julianne Drumond
		Daniel Huynh
June 1, 2023	Princeton, New Jersey	May Wade	Killed by a rioter. No, it doesn't have anything to do with the university.
June 1, 2023	Washington, D.C.	Chelsea Knott	Obliterated after the Supreme Court determined she doesn't have a constitutional right to exist.
June 2, 2023	Kansas City, Missouri	Del Cooper	Tried to flee a protest in their car but accidentally drove into a fountain, causing it to collide midair with a fountain, ultimately landing in another fountain.
June 2, 2023	Grand Forks, North Dakota	Riley Atkins	Attacked by fork-wielding DaBaby supporters.
June 2, 2023	Birmingham, Alabama	Reagan McCoy Jr.	Attacked by Aston Villa fans.
June 2, 2023	Lansing, Michigan	Dustin Brunswick	Tragically lost in the line of duty while scratching his ear with his service weapon.
June 3, 2023	Paterson, New Jersey	Kit Glossner	Attempted to swipe despite being told it was not allowed.
June 3, 2023	Elizabeth, New Jersey	Allyzeighbeth Montgomery	Beaten up by residents of Elizabeth.
June 3, 2023	New York City, New York	Don Capello	Hit by a Police Weinermobile.
		Angela Edwards
		Bobby Tan
June 3, 2023	Akron, Ohio	Felix Cutler	Shot by a laser gunman.
June 4, 2023	Charleston, West Virginia	Grace Sands	I dunno what happened here. I mean, do you even know anyone from West Virginia?
June 4, 2023	Provo, Utah	Nate Franklin	Didn't ask his doctor if Provolin was right for him.
June 4, 2023	St. Petersburg, Florida	Sergei Mikhailovich	Eaten by a giant pelican.
June 4, 2023	Savannah, Georgia	Giselle Prairie	Mauled by lions.
June 5, 2023	Keystone, South Dakota	Tasha Jameson	Immolated by the Titans of Rushmore.
		Adam Linn
		Tori Roswell
		Gerry Walsh
June 5, 2023	Carson City, Nevada	Carter Acevedo	Attacked by Carson's.
June 5, 2023	Grand Rapids, Michigan	DaBaby Sorensen	Attacked by anti-DaBabyists.
June 6, 2023	Dover, Delaware	Kendrick Kelly	Died after a grenade-eating contest went awry.
		Dante Pullman
June 6, 2023	Roanoke, Virginia	George DeKalb	Mysteriously disappeared.
June 6, 2023	Newport, Rhode Island	Eloise Carrolton	Choked on caviar while sailing off the Newport on her private yacht, causing her to fall over the railing onto her butler's yacht, where she hit a pyramid of wine glasses.
June 7, 2023	Norfolk, Virginia	Rocco Parker	Attacked by a herd of wild crabs.
June 7, 2023	Fort Wayne, Indiana	Wayne Brady	Attacked by anti-Wayne invaders.
June 7, 2023	Gainesville, Florida	Clayton Bradshaw	Wasn't swole enough and got busted.
June 7, 2023	Davis, California	Aiko Kanagawa	Hit in the head by a very large golf ball.
June 8, 2023	Bend, Oregon	Brad Oscar	Wrapped his car around a telephone pole while fleeing a protest.
June 8, 2023	South Bend, Indiana	Sarah-Beth Ingram	Also wrapped her car around a telephone pole while fleeing a protest, but like, more South.
June 8, 2023	Ogden, Utah	Horace Keyes	Ate too many swords.
June 8, 2023	Sioux Falls, South Dakota	Kenneth Spears	Fell off his skateboard.
June 8, 2023	Springfield, Illinois	Todd Barnes	Attacked by the reanimated spirit of Abraham Lincoln.
		Mary Lopez
June 9, 2023	Iowa City, Iowa	Harrison Lao	Got hit by DaGas.
June 9, 2023	Savannah, Georgia	Vera Roundtree	Squared up.
June 9, 2023	Hilton Head Island, South Carolina	Kacey Woods	Booked into a Hyatt House.
June 10, 2023	Sacramento, California	Jane Patrick	Killed by the notorious serial killer Green John.
June 10, 2023	Macon, Georgia	Eddy Klein	Was declared mid and obliterated.
June 10, 2023	Augusta, Maine	Harold Ruth	Tried to enter Augusta in June.
June 11, 2023	Portland, Oregon	Mercedes Jennings	Beaten up by a pack of living doughnuts.
		Ben O'Drill
June 11, 2023	Bangor, Maine	Garrett Kress	Bangor? He doesn't even know'er!
June 11, 2023	Fall River, Massachusetts	Kari Gallagher	Fell down a river.
June 12, 2023	Portland, Maine	Hayward Downing	Killed by a giant lobster.
June 12, 2023	Lowell, Massachusetts	Graydon Ware	Got too low.
June 12, 2023	Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan	Carla Dawson	Shot by Canadian border police.
June 12, 2023	La Crosse, Wisconsin	Kameron Reginald	Killed in a tragic tchoukball accident.
June 13, 2023	Worcester, Massachusetts	Hollis Atkinson	Blown up so the city would be on par with other metro areas.
		Peggy Barber
		Morris Lawton
		Hayley Mitchell
		Shania Woodyard
June 14, 2023	Dededo, Guam	Kin Shan Kwok	Killed to forecast how the rest of the country would do.
June 14, 2023	Charlotte Amalie, U.S. Virgin Islands	Charlotte Amalie	That's not a name!
June 14, 2023	Orange, California	Victor Cassidy	Got too much vitamin C!
June 14, 2023	Rockford, Illinois	Gene Casbah	Got rocked.
June 15, 2023	Bethesda, Maryland	Digby Wicks	Stuck in development.
June 15, 2023	Baton Rouge, Louisiana	Javier La Croix	Beaten by a baton.
June 15, 2023	Waterloo, Iowa	Napoleon Bonaparte	Defeated in battle.
June 15, 2023	Missoula, Montana	Bryant Jean	Ate a motorcycle.
June 16, 2023	Colorado Springs, Colorado	Bella Keane	Ate exploding chili beans.
June 16, 2023	Flagstaff, Arizona	Rachael Hassel	Melted.
June 16, 2023	Chico, California	Barry Fazz	Spooked.
June 16, 2023	Cody, Wyoming	Kanye West	Saw a Jewish person.
June 17, 2023	Dayton, Ohio	Jerry Burke	Electrocuted himself while trying to deactivate his body camera.
June 17, 2023	Canton, Ohio	Yishan Liu	Tried to speak Mandarin in Cantonese territory.
June 17, 2023	Atlantic City, New Jersey	Gar Tan Ho	Police officers shot while trying to shoot at a dog.
		Sara Juarez
		Orrin Lare
		Derrick Shorewood
June 18, 2023	San Francisco, California	Andrew Ramirez	Shoplifter killed by SFPD Police robot armed with a gun.
June 18, 2023	Phoenix, Arizona	Edna Gorman Mach II	Rose from the ashes, then sneezed and fell off a cliff.
June 18, 2023	Glendale, California	Glen Charles	Stepped into one half of the chaos portal.
June 18, 2023	Glendale, Arizona	Dale Salridge	Stepped into the other half of the chaos portal.
June 19, 2023	Santa Clarita, California	Tanner Hope	Eaten by the zombie living next door.
June 19, 2023	Bozeman, Montana	Martha Hanford-Cortland	Hit by a van of Californians.
June 19, 2023	Salem, Massachusetts	Darlene Anderson	Executed on suspicions of being a witch.
June 19, 2023	Salem, Oregon	Jack Mallow	Killed by an actual witch.
		Lexi Wong
June 20, 2023	Ocean City, Maryland	Christine Seward	Got swept away.
June 20, 2023	Flagstaff, Arizona	George Benitez	Hit by a fallen flagpole.
June 20, 2023	Cedar Rapids, Iowa	Estelle Core	Chilled by Hillary Clinton.
June 21, 2023	St. Cloud, Minnesota	Giannis Papadopoulos	Left his head in the clouds.
June 21, 2023	Walnut Creek, California	Katy Cisneros	Died of a treenut allergy.
June 21, 2023	Kalamazoo, Michigan	Marilou Hu	Got skippity-do'd.
June 21, 2023	Burlington, Vermont	Karli Fitzroy	Got too woke.
June 22, 2023	New York City, New York	Tucker Carlson	Saw a person with blue hair outside and was obliterated instantly.
June 22, 2023	Lawton, Oklahoma	Sherron Bankman	Didn't have enough rizz.
June 22, 2023	Topeka, Kansas	Mila Evans	He did it for a Klondike bar.
		Ella Forsythe
		Deon Phillips
June 23, 2023	Topeka, Kansas	Tom Hesston	Turns out he's allergic to chocolate.
June 23, 2023	New York City, New York	George Santos	Beaten up by anti-DaBabyists after claiming he was DaBaby's cousin.
June 23, 2023	Merced, California	Jebediah St. Peter	From dust he came and to dust he did return.
June 24, 2023	Salinas, California	Bennie Tiny	Mussed everything up and had to be put down.
June 24, 2023	Ontario, Oregon	Collin Nunez	Died after an anthrax tasting event went awry.
June 24, 2023	Trenton, New Jersey	Bettie Boyd	Promised to get no sleep till Brooklyn but crashed her car due to sleep deprivation.
June 25, 2023	Ontario, California	Chuck Malley	Canadian citizen who flew to the wrong Ontario and got beaten up.
June 25, 2023	Bozeman, Montana	Barry Fernwood	Opened a mysterious package.
June 25, 2023	Fremont, California	Hiram Jennings	Drove a Tesla directly into a fire station.
June 25, 2023	Amherst, Massachusetts	Katrina Pottle	Overloaded with knowledge!
June 26, 2023	Springfield, Missouri	Angela David	Went to cringe Springfield instead of based Springfield.
June 26, 2023	Columbia, Missouri	Kenan Overton	Studied tornados too closely.
June 26, 2023	Knoxville, Tennessee	Titus Marcel	Went to the school of hard Knox.
June 26, 2023	New Haven, Connecticut	Draymond Fortsworth	Yale interviewer who was abducted by aliens accidentally sent by interviewee.
June 27, 2023	New Bedford, Massachusetts	Zane Zheng	Made his new bed ford and now he had to new lie in the bed ford new bed (give me a few minutes, I need to workshop this one).
June 27, 2023	Baltimore, Maryland	Leah Jorgen	Called it "John Hopkins" instead of "Johns Hopkins".
June 27, 2023	Lafayette, Indiana	Bernard Merrin	Passed from natural causes, but they decided to count his passing with the rest of them because why not?
June 27, 2023	Greenville, North Carolina	Harper Dermot	Got hit by that yoinky sploinky.
June 28, 2023	Gillette, Wyoming	Levi Holding	Cut himself while shaving.
June 28, 2023	Rexburg, Idaho	Amber Park	Attacked by a dinosaur.