Beer (Blackadder)

"Beer"
Blackadder episode
Episode no.	Series 2 Episode 5
Directed by	Mandie Fletcher
Written by	Ben Elton Richard Curtis
Original air date	13 February 1986 (1986-02-13)
Guest appearances
Hugh Laurie (Simon Partridge) Miriam Margolyes (Lady Whiteadder) Daniel Thorndike Roger Blake William Hootkins

"Beer" is the fifth episode of the BBC sitcom Blackadder II, the second series of Blackadder, which was set in Elizabethan England from 1558 to 1603. In the episode, an embarrassing incident with a turnip, an ostrich feather and a fanatically Puritan aunt leads to a right royal to-do in the Blackadder household. The episode marks Hugh Laurie's first ever Blackadder appearance, and Miriam Margolyes's second. Laurie would go on to appear in every subsequent episode of the show.

Plot

Blackadder is having breakfast with Lord Percy when he receives a letter informing him that his fanatically Puritan but extremely wealthy aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whiteadder, will be visiting him to discuss the terms of his inheritance over dinner that evening. Before Edmund can revel in his fortune, Baldrick who is literally holding a door arrives to inform him that there was a messenger at the door who's told him Queen Elizabeth demands his presence at court with Blackadder rehiring Baldrick seconds after firing him despite Baldrick revealing he and his fellow Baldricks have been a servant in the Blackadder family since 1532.

Blackadder rushes to Richmond Palace to discover the Queen and Nursie tending to an ailing Lord Melchett, whom the Queen believes to be dying. However, it is quickly revealed that Melchett is simply suffering from a dire hangover. Blackadder mocks Melchett for his lack of alcoholic tolerance, while Melchett reminds Edmund of his own drunkenness during the visit of the King of Austria where Blackadder wandered naked around the grounds of Hampton Court singing "I'm Merlin, The Happy Pig". Blackadder challenges his rival to a drinking bout, with 10,000 florins at stake. After Blackadder leaves, Queenie tells Nursie she conspires to somehow gain entry to the party.

Upon arriving back home, Blackadder begins to draft a guest list for the drinking party, with Percy's assistance with Blackadder immediately cancelling Percy's efforts to invite his girlfriend, Gwendolyn. The guests include Simon Partridge, a perpetually drunken aristocrat nicknamed "Farters Parters" and "Mr. Ostrich" who, according to Percy, is also a "fearful oik", Sir Geoffrey "Here's to the Health of Cardinal Chunder" Piddle, a deranged civil servant, and Freddie Frobisher, "the flatulent friar of Lindisfarne". Baldrick, fully aware that his master does not have 10,000 florins to gamble with, questions the wisdom of his master holding a drinking contest; according to the dogsbody, everyone knows once Blackadder has one drop of the ale, he falls flat on his face and starts singing "that song about the goblin". Things are further complicated when Percy reminds him that the puritan Whiteadders will also be coming around that evening which has Blackadder dismayed. Blackadder hastily returns to the Queen and asks that the contest be moved to another night; however, she senses that he is trying to cop out of his promise (since she also knows about his tendency to sing about the goblin when drunk) and refuses to postpone the contest.

Back at his house, Blackadder decides to hold both events on the same evening but in different rooms of the house. The drinking party is to be held in Baldrick's bedroom, while the Whiteadders are to dine with Percy in Blackadder's dining room. Blackadder is further annoyed when he is informed by Percy and Baldrick that while rooting through the vegetable patch for suitable food, they came across "a turnip shaped exactly like a 'thingie'". To outlast Melchett at the drinking contest while simultaneously not making a fool out of himself in front of his aunt and uncle, Blackadder conjures up a plan to avoid alcohol without the other drinkers noticing, telling Baldrick to hand him water when he asks for his "incredibly strong ale" at the party.

The evening begins with the arrival of the Whiteadders, who, particularly Lady Whiteadder, are comically revealed to be maniacally devout and denounce most everyday comforts as the work of Satan, including chairs (for being comfortable; at home, Lord Whiteadder sits on a spike, with his wife sitting on him - "Two spikes would be extravagant"), mashed foodstuffs (believing that mashing is not what God intended and was designed to destroy the "sacred shape" of vegetables), the concept of family (due to the requirement of sex) and warmth (since "cold is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics").

To make matters worse, Lord Nathanial Whiteadder has taken a "vow of silence", not saying anything, leaving Edmund's abusive and volatile aunt to hold the conversation. Whenever Blackadder casually mentions a subject she disapproves of, Lady Whiteadder comically slaps him across the face twice and denounces him as a "Wicked child!".

The drinking guests arrive, wearing fake comedy breasts and rubber noses on their foreheads. Melchett arrives shortly after, sporting a larger, golden pair of breasts. The intoxicated guests make Blackadder's situation even more difficult by being very rowdy, annoying and destructive, causing him to concoct increasingly ridiculous stories and lies to conceal what is going on from his aunt and uncle. Percy's imbecilic behaviour also greatly irritates Lady Whiteadder, although she is pleasantly surprised by the "thingie-shaped" turnip. The Queen arrives at the party, disguised as Percy's girlfriend Gwendolyn, and Blackadder, not realizing who she is makes the mistake of locking her in the closet.

In the other room, Melchett calls Blackadder out on his efforts to participate in the drinking game. Blackadder then calls for his strong ale, but Baldrick quickly exposes the "ale" as being water, much to the outrage of Melchett and the other competitors with Partridge even being heard growling in anger over the lie. Melchett, Partridge and the other competitors then force Blackadder to drink a very strong ale with Blackadder reluctantly doing so as the others cheer him on.

Forty-two seconds later, Blackadder re-enters the dining room blind drunk, bearing an ostrich feather up his bottom and wearing a cardinal's hat. His aunt recognises that he has been both drinking and gambling, and the Whiteadders make to leave. Blackadder realises he has not only lost the 10,000 florin bet with Melchett, but also the chance of (as he puts it) "a whopping-great inheritance", telling his aunt or the "old trout" to shove off with Lord and Lady Whiteadder leaving although Lord Whiteadder briefly returns, saying he enjoyed the evening, particularly the turnip.

However, things become rather confused when both parties accidentally meet in the hallway. Melchett's drinking crew assume the Whiteadders to be strippers, and release the Queen from the cupboard. Everyone falls to their knees when she reveals who she really is and after claiming she has the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant with Partridge defiantly telling her to prove it before he too bows once again, Queenie announces she will. She then reveals she's going to first "have a little drinkie", and then execute everyone with the whole group looking on nervously as she takes a drink from one of the jugs.

By dawn the following morning, everyone is hungover and sitting in Blackadder's dining room, singing along to his rendition of the goblin song which Blackadder hasn't been able to finish yet much to his annoyance. The guests are all confused as to what has happened: Melchett has forgotten about the drinking bet, Queenie has forgotten her threats of execution and Lord Whiteadder seems willing to discuss the inheritance, while Lady Whiteadder emerges from beneath Queenie's frock, and upon hearing Blackadder mention the word "luck", proclaims that it sounds rude, due to its sounding "almost exactly like 'fu–..' ". The credits roll before she finishes.

Cast

• Rowan Atkinson as Edmund Blackadder
• Tim McInnerny as Lord Percy Percy
• Tony Robinson as Baldrick
• Miranda Richardson as Queen Elizabeth I
• Stephen Fry as Lord Melchett
• Patsy Byrne as Nursie
• Miriam Margolyes as Lady Whiteadder
• Daniel Thorndike as Lord Nathaniel Whiteadder; the role was originally offered to Jim Broadbent, who was unavailable, as a reference to the double act role he played opposite Margolyes in the first series.
• Hugh Laurie as Simon Partridge
• Roger Blake as Geoffrey Piddle
• William Hootkins as Freddie Frobisher, the flatulent hermit of Lindisfarne (listed as "Monk" in credits)

External links

• "Beer" at BBC Online
• "Beer" at IMDb