User:HannahG1701/Uronarti/KateLiszka Peer Review

General info

Whose work are you reviewing?

Hannah

Link to draft you're reviewing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:HannahG1701/Uronarti?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template

Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Uronarti

Evaluate the drafted changes

Hannah,

Small comments:

--"the primary importance of the island lies in the massive ancient fortress that still stands on its northern end." - wordy

--his fortress is one of a number constructed along the Nile in Lower Nubia during the Middle Kingdom, primarily by the rulers Senusret I and Senusret III. - and who built uronati... maybe rephrase to be about your site first, and then the larger group

--"It was long thought that the fortress was under water"-- this doesn't make sense if you dont' mention the aswan high damn and the rising water level in the 1960s --

--"exavation history" -- a lot of the work is done through Site survey, that is not digging and just seeing what's on the surface. so change you wording to maybe "Archaeological Research"

--Like every section, the section on 'the fortress' should start with a one sentence definition of what it is for people who will stop reading. Then you can continue with what is there.

--"when those are laid on the very steep parts of the island." - unclear

--the fortress section needs way more citations....

--"he barracks are similar in plan to small houses known at other Middle Kingdom settlements that were planned by the state, including Lahun." - not true... the barracks are similar to spaces at the other forts. The granaries are similar to lahun and other forts. Double check....

--"he ceramics from dumps at Uronarti suggest an occupation history into the very late Middle Kingdom or very early Second Intermediate Period" --needs citations and absolute dates for MK-earlySIP

--"stone temple built at the site, just outside the fortress walls, dates to the reign of the Eighteenth Dynasty king Thutmose III, who controlled a far larger amount of Nubia than his predecessors had and thus established a frontier well to the south." - double check the location. I was pretty sure it was inside and renovated on top of something else. But I might be mixing up my forts. - add citation

--"The Uronarti temple was dedicated to Senusret III." - this is out of place temporally and description wise.. If you're talking about buildings in the fort, then the temple should be one of them... and the MK temple should be before the NK temple.

--Plus you have the problem that the ceramic dumps have the early pottery, but you have aNK temple. So it was used in the NK. You' need to explain this discrepancy, or at least acknowledge it.

--"Aside from the architecture itself, the overwhelming majority of archaeological finds from Uronarti fortress are ceramics. The volume of pottery from the original excavations of the fortress was so high that only complete vessels were ever recorded; dumps from both the initial use of the fortress, which was regularly cleaned out by its inhabitants, and from the Wheeler excavations, cover large parts of the area south of the fortress." - this will be very confusing for a popular audience to understand

--"Amongst notable ceramic types are bread moulds, typical of many Middle Kingdom sites and indicative of the provisioning of the garrison, and Nubian cooking pots, pointing to interaction with a local population, though there is no contemporary Nubian settlement known from the immediate area" -- there is far, far too many ideas shoved into this sentence. MK pottery means supply from Egypt. Nubian pottery may mean local connections with nubians. Taht needs to be outlined and explained as interpretations.

--Your section on the fortress has so many things that are not just the fortress woven into it. The whole section needs to be teased out and organized. Consider more subheadings for thigns like "temples" or "artifacts" or "contacts with local nubians"...

--" The mud stamps are a type known only from the fortresses; depicting captives, rather than having inscriptions proper, they may have been used as a kind of token" -- again, far too many ideas both fact and interpretation shoved into this sentence. A popular audience wouldn't understand it. Tease it out and don't skip ideas-- In fact, have someone who is NOT in any of my classes read this and point out every sentence that they don't u ndrestand. -- Plus a mud stamp is NOT the same as one of the tokens with a bound captive on it...

--"he large number of sealings reflects administrative activities; they were broken off of delivered goods that came in jars and boxes, were from sealed letters, and sealed doors, and are also common at other Nubian fortresses" - maybe note where in the fort the sealings were found. This is vague to most MK contexts. What about Uronarti?

--"The seals referring to the various surrounding fortresses in the Second Cataract region show the close connection between them." you need proof of this... Plus that is spinning data. MOST of the sealings don't do this. So what do most do? Then which ones are cool insights to admin?

--"Centers for local administration are also seen in the treasuries and granaries that are shown to exist in the seals as well." - need citations and data... what titles appear? And what do you mean by "local administration"???

--"The ties between Egypt as a whole and the fortresses are represented in the seals of the great granary of King Sesostris III." - unclear, explain... Plus you're jumping to the large interpretation. This is an encyclopedia article. It's different.

--he suggested existence of a dual and shared viziership in Egypt in the Late Middle Kingdom is also seen in a seal found stating “office of the vizier of the Head-of-the South”. - citation??

--"though they are also poorer than the assemblage found at the fort," -- what does this mean? What is rich or poor? What is the measure? use different terms.

--Need to note that the 'campaign palace' is on the other side of the island and not in the fort

--Need many more references for campaign palace section.

--Dabenarti is from the TIP/LP -- not contemporary, so not part of the signalling network.

--Add a sentence stating what the Stelae of Senwosret III is or where it was found, etc...

--There should be a section somewhere her that mentions the wall that runs from Uronarti to the Semna forts to the south... See Vogel

--In general, you have added information, but you have not thought about your audience or the organization of the information or the citations. You also need to relate your information to Uronarti. What I'm reading is just general stuff that you already know about forts that you're throwing onto Uronarti too in a vague way. Some of it work, but some of it doesn't. Do the research and make this about this site.

11/6/2024

--" primarily by the rulers Senusret I and Senusret III." -- this is confusing. It makes it sound like Uronarti was constructed by S1 andS3. Rephrase.

--"The discoveries of the project include an extramural settlement contemporary with the fortress, called Site FC, and further details on the settlement itself." -- That's not all the parts of the site. So if you're going to have a list of the elements, then make sure the list is complete. (I'm not listing elements, I'm highlighting the finds of the project)

--Maybe have a subheading and two sentences about the wall that runs from Uronarti to Semna as a part of the fort

--"eferring to this as such is an interpretation, as there is limited that this is a "palace"." - unclear

--" This area is annually flooded, so studying it can be difficult. The URAP conducted studies at low water to see how much of the "palace" remained, but results were inconclusive." -- great.. but it is talked about in Dunham. So pull a sentence description from there saying what it is, before you tell us what is NOT there...

--"The inscription states that the Nubians attacked first and that Senusret forced them to retreat.:"-- confusing, and also a misleading summary of that stela. - read the translation and then give a different summary. -- Plus we have no evidence of an attack at this time. https://csu-sb.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01CALS_USB/122a7o7/alma991011331674502916

--"The interior of the fortress has streets paved with stone, large granaries, buildings thought to be an administrative center and a governor's house, and barracks. The barracks are similar in plan to small houses known at other Middle Kingdom settlements that were planned by the state Many of the buildings inside the fortress saw substantial modifications over time, indicating shifts in both social life and administration. The ceramics from dumps at Uronarti suggest an occupation history into the very late Middle Kingdom or very early Second Intermediate Period, but not beyond." -- this paragraph is far too short of an overview. There needs to be a much more thorough description of what is there.

--Plus you have nothing on the exterior of the fort or the walls or the water stairs or the granaries. -- I need you to do the actual reading and research...(I felt that was too detialed for an overview article, But I can add highlights)