The Sports Junkies

The Junkies

File:Thejunkies.jpg The Junkies
Genre	Talk, Sports
Running time	Monday through Friday 5 am to 10 am
Country of origin	United States
Home station	106.7 WJFK
Starring	John Martin “Cakes” Auville Eric Carlton “E.B.” Bickel Jason William “Lurch” Bishop John-Paul “J.P.” Flaim
Executive producer(s)	Chris "CK" Kinard
Original release	1996 – present
Website	www.junkiesradio.com http://1067freefm.com/pages/1349.php
Podcast	junkiesradio.com

Formerly known as The Sports Junkies, are a group of four radio personalities who host a morning-drive radio show broadcast in the Baltimore-Washington Metropolitan Area. The show is based out of WJFK 106.7FM Free FM studios in Fairfax, Virginia.

The Junkies

John Martin “Cakes” Auville

Known as “Cakes,” Auville was born in 1970 and adopted by his parents at five weeks old. He was raised in Bowie, Maryland alongside fellow Junkies Eric Bickel and John-Paul Flaim, and attended Eleanor Roosevelt High School (Greenbelt, Maryland). After high school, Auville studied communications at Towson University in Baltimore, Maryland, about which he is occasionally ridiculed for achieving a 1.5 GPA one semester (struggling); he then managed a local Toys Я Us store until making radio his full-time occupation in 1996.

Known for his willingness to go to great lengths to win a bet, Auville once spent days in a coffin as part of a $2,000 dare; he then won an additional $600 after being dared to ingest 15 hot dogs in 15 minutes. On a separate dare, Cakes failed in an attempt to eat a newspaper page. Cakes is best known for being a "bandwagon" fan, only rooting for the local Washington teams when they are winning.

Auville currently lives in Olney, Maryland and married his wife, Amy, in 1995; they had their first child, Kurt Joseph, in 1997. They’ve had two additional children since then -- a daughter, Juliet, born in 2002, and their second son, Brendan Craig, born in 2004. After the birth of their third child, Auville had a vasectomy operation and has since been mocked with the name “Johnny Blanks.”

Auville also suffers from sleep apnea and is forced to sleep while connected to a breathing machine.

Eric Carlton “E.B.” Bickel

Shortened to E.B., Bickel was born in 1970 and grew up in Bowie, Maryland across the street from fellow Junkie John-Paul Flaim and in the same neighborhood as John Auville. Bickel attended DeMatha Catholic High School in Hyattsville, Maryland, where he befriended soon-to-be-Junkie Jason Bishop. After high school, Bickel attended the University of Maryland, where he majored in psychology and received his master’s degree in school counseling before becoming a "Junkie" in 1997.

Bickel is considered the most crass member of the group, often presenting an un-likable "know-it-all" attitude towards guests on the show. E.B. has a known conservative family, with his mother often calling in to reprimand her son for the program's occasionally racy content. He also spends much of his free time playing online poker and is known for being the most unkempt member of the group, even though he considers himself to be an eight on a scale of one to ten for looks, an assessment not shared by most guests and staff. E.B. traditionally has the least credibility of the four contributors as he is frequently incorrect on the show. E.B. is also known for his profound love of the pornographic arts, and enjoys "hooking it" when his residence is empty.

Bickel married Dina in 1996 and they have since had two children -- a son, Stephen, born in 2000, and a daughter, Megan, born in 2002. They are attempting to have a third child, but Bickel has been unable to impregnate his wife due to a low sperm count resulting from frequent scalding hot baths. This has led to controversy concerning the paternity of their 2 children, a possible indication that Bickel's wife "creeped" on him in the past with someone who "isn't impotent like her husband".

Jason William “Lurch” Bishop

Nicknamed "Lurch" as a result of his height (an allusion to the Frankenstein-like butler on the television show “The Addams Family”), Bishop grew up in Lanham, Maryland and befriended fellow Junkie Eric Bickel while attending DeMatha Catholic High School in Hyattsville, Maryland, where he played basketball. Six-foot-six Bishop went on to play basketball at the University of Richmond, where he received a scholarship, but transferred to Salisbury State University the following year to pursue a degree in communications.

Bishop is generally regarded as the "cheap" junkie, as he will rarely make purchases without "hooks". Almost daily he plugs businesses, such as an Original Steakhouse franchise in Virginia, so that he can get free meals and the use of expensive cars. Bishop admitted that he has resorted to credit card fraud and stealing cash from passed-out sex partners to supplement his income. Hates all local teams and never cheers for any underdog, unless he bet on them getting +9.5. Bishop officially had his "pimp hand" revoked when he revealed on the show that he urinates sitting down and enjoys tending to his floral garden. He also likes to take pictures of scantily clad women on his cell phone and store them for later use.

Bishop married his wife, Theresa, in December of 1999 on a Friday in Laurel, Maryland because the reception hall was cheaper than on Saturday. He, also, partnered up with his longtime friend Thomas C. Mooney and bought a beachhouse in Ocean City, Maryland in 2004.

Also known as BDL (Big Dummy Lurch), Lurch Papa, Stirch, the Coke Can, Reggie's Stepson, Leech Dog, the LPP, the Angler, and Firecrotch.

John-Paul “J.P.” Flaim

Simply known as “J.P.,” Flaim was born in 1970 and grew up across the street from fellow Junkie Eric Bickel in Bowie, Maryland. Flaim attended Eleanor Roosevelt High School in Greenbelt, Maryland, and then went on to major in international business at the University of Maryland, College Park before studying law at the Temple University Beasley School of Law in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In 1997 Flaim failed the Maryland bar exam, reading his results publicly while on the air; however, he passed the exam the following year and can now legally practice law in Maryland.

J.P. is known as the "stable" junkie, who keeps the show organized and running among the distractions from the other members. J.P. is typically the junkie who responds to email messages, updates the group's webpage, and brings the show in and out of commercial breaks. He also constantly tries to prove his street cred - bragging about listening to rap music and playing basketball even though he is a short white guy who lives in the suburbs.

J.P. is also a professional middleweight boxer, fighting under the name "The Latin Donkey." He sports a 0-1 record, losing in his December 9, 2006 debut fight to Jay Watts by TKO in the first round, just days after the passing of his father-in-law. He is currently the 989th ranked Light Middleweight out of 996 in the world.[1] J.P.'s performance in his professional debut earned him the nickname Glass Joe.

Flaim and his wife, Carol, were married in 1998, and in 2000 they had their first child, Kelsey. In February of 2007, the Flaims had their second child, whom J.P. attempted to name Eddie Murray, but Carol rebuffed him.

Other Show Staffers

Executive Producer Chris "CK" Kinard has been with the show since 1998. Starting as an intern, Kinard was named producer in 1999. He moved with the show to WHFS in 2002, and back to WJFK in 2005. Kinard grew up in Fairfax and attended Lake Braddock High School and American University. Was recently named WJFK's Program Director.

Producer Bret "Meaty Thighs" Oliverio (known on the show as Bret Michaels) joined the Junkies as an intern when he was 18. An on and off member of the staff, Oliverio joined as a full time producer during the Junkies' stint at WHFS. He attended Lake Braddock High School, and James Madison University. He won $50,000 while participating in the Bodog "Celebrity" Poker Tournament.

Movie Reviewer Kevin "Big Daddy Kev" McCarthy joined the show in Nov 2005. He is known for having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is currently dating the Junkies' former Junkies intern, Ashley. He is featured in Friday's "BDK's Movie Review" segment. McCarthy is 6'3", 155 pounds and can bench 90 pounds.

The Junkettes

Kara, Kat, Teresa, Lauren, and Shannon are the Junkies' personal promotional models.

Friends of the Show

Several individuals have earned the title of "Friend of the Show" for their loyal contributions over the years as the Junkies switched stations and moved from one time slot to another.

The Gov: Former Maryland governor Bob Ehrlich, who listened to the Junkies on his commute to Washington, DC, when he was a member of the House of Representatives. During his administration he hooked the Junkies with access to his luxury box at M&T Bank Stadium and the governor's mansion, and called in to the show weekly to give his football picks, knows as the Gov's Games.

Drunk Mike: As the name implies, Drunk Mike has a strong love for alcoholic beverages. He began calling the show in 2001 on his drives to Dewey Beach, and he would usually drink along the way. A loyal Washington Redskins fan, Drunk Mike smuggles beer into FedEx Field by taping cans to his thighs.

Bruce the Hugger: A homosexual mentally handicapped person who met the the Junkies in Maryland years ago as he was going through his daily routine and hugging strangers he met off the street. Bruce constantly harasses the Junkies by calling the show almost every day and speaking gibberish on the air.

Cowboy Todd: One of the oldest "Friends of the Show", Cowboy Todd cannot read, and has been known to have intercourse with 65-year-old women for money. He regularly calls the show to tell racist jokes, regale the Junkies with stories about his adventures "'coon hunting", and talk about the new job he has that week.

Origins

Auville, Bickel, and Flaim grew up as friends in Bowie, Maryland. Auville and Flaim attended Eleanor Roosevelt High School in nearby Greenbelt, Maryland; at the same time, Bickel met Bishop at DeMatha Catholic High School in Hyattsville, Maryland. Bickel and Flaim also attended the University of Maryland together.

After graduating from college, the foursome and other friends (known as the "Homies") hung out and often shared living quarters with each other, all while watching a lot of professional and collegiate sports, and wisecracking on women, music, and current events. In 1995, Auville, Bickel, Bishop, and Flaim began their broadcasting career as a hobby; they produced and hosted a 30-minute cable access show in Bowie. The show mixed sports chat, irreverent humor, a soundtrack of alternative rock music, and the foursome's combustible charm and wit.

The show flirted with local notoriety, and following a review in the Washington Times, the Junkies were hired in 1996 by Infinity Broadcasting to create a weekly radio show carried on its station WJFK-FM in Fairfax, Virginia. Later the show moved to weeknights. However, failing to reach true notoriety, they return to true obscurity. Today they claim to be number 1 in the market amongst the 'Men 18-40' demographic.

The Infinity Broadcasting Years

The show focused on the interplay of the foursome, featuring guests such as Playboy models, rock notables, and local sports celebrities such as University of Maryland basketball coach Gary Williams. Their high local ratings lead to the Junkies making their national debut on May 18, 1999, airing on about 50 affiliates of Westwood One's radio network.

The Junkies broadcasted nights from 7-11pm (and at one point 8-12pm) from mid 2001 until early 2002. In October 2002, the Junkies program moved from WJFK to WHFS, the market's alternative rock station. This also was the first time the show appeared in morning drive time slot, and gave the Junkies a new fan base in the Baltimore market. Infinity abruptly changed the entire format of the station to Spanish-language, changing it to "El Zol" in January 2005.

It was later announced that the Junkies would be returning to WJFK-FM in a lunchtime spot, and with Howard Stern's jump to Sirius Satellite Radio in 2006, the Junkies show eventually returned to the morning drive slot, this time appearing on both WJFK-FM and WHFS (which is now located at 105.7 FM in Baltimore). The Junkies later acknowledged that they were promised Stern's morning drive slot (upon his move to Sirius) when they moved back to WJFK.

WHFS Baltimore has announced they will sever their relationship with The Junkies and on February 1, 2007 replace The Junkies morning program with former 98 Rock talk show hosts, Kirk and Mark.

Junkies Lingo

After recent changes in station policy and FCC (Federal Communications Commission) decency regulations, the Junkies have devised a way to circumvent the use of obscenity by replacing expletives with the name of a public figure, such as an athlete; for example: Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis alludes to the reproductive aspect of the lower female anatomy. Much of the lingo is borrowed from existing English words or slang, but some of the terms have originated on the program. Listeners have often remarked that much of the lingo comes from common African-American slang in the DC area, a fact acknowledged by the Junkies. Others have noticed that Junkies lingo also bears some similarities to Cockney rhyming slang.

The extremely parochial nature of many of the terms used by the Junkies is a recurring topic of conversation. In the summer of 2004, CK remarked that "the lingo around here is atrocious," after Cakes asked "what if the sillies aren't money?" In January of 2007, J.P. ridiculed E.B. for saying "if I get cised I'll hook it, and if it's not hurting it's going to be a show," a sentence so lingo-riddled as to be impenetrable to anyone not very familiar with Junkies lingo.

Anteater (n.)

An uncircumcised penis. The animal's tapered head resembles a penis with an intact foreskin.

ATM withdrawal (n./v.)

The act of following anal sex immediately with fellatio. In porn industry parlance, the practice is known as Ass to Mouth, which is abbreviated to "ATM".

Avril Lavigne (v.)

To complicate, often unnecessarily. From Lavigne's hit song Complicated. Cakes was money after having two kids, but when the third came along, his life got totally Avril Lavigned.

Bert (and Ernie) (n./v.)

Female ejaculation. Originally used to avoid using the term squirt on air.

Bet Book (n.)

A documented record, kept by Cakes, of the frequent wagers between the Junkies that take place during the show.

Bitter (adj.)

To be disdainful of or dissatisfied with a situation. "She was bitter I didn't stay at home and watch the kids."

Botch (v.)

To make a mistake; this is also used to reference a verbal error or factual confusion, in which case the inaccuracy may be documented in a “Botch Book.”.

Brother (n.)

A Black man. When expressed as "the brothers," it refers to Black people collectively. For example, in November of 2006, E.B. expressed his belief that "the brothers don't roller skate."

Buffet (n.)

Cunnilingus.

Butt (adv.)

Very, extremely; usually used as a prefix.

C (n.)

Self-censored, safe-for-air version of the word Cunt. Used as a derogatory term for a woman. Usually preceded by "dumb" or "dirty".

Champ Bailey (n./v.)

Bailey's initials (C.B.) are a common abbreviation for cock block, which is the act of preventing a man from having sex with a woman. The term also refers to someone who engages in cock blocking.

Chinese Chicken (n.)

A person of east Asian ethnicity, taken from the Barenaked Ladies song "One Week." By itself, the term is not derogatory, but it is often employed when one of the Junkies is expressing displeasure with a particular individual. Example: Cakes used the term when complaining about a poker opponent who obnoxiously told Cakes to "ship your chips!" after beating him in a hand.

Chubb Rock (n.)

This term, derived from the name of a rap artist popular in the early nineties, refers to the male erection. Example: when questioned about witnessing two of his friends engaging in sexual intercourse, BDK was asked, "Did Chubb Rock make an appearance?"

Cised (v.)

To be excited; (occasionally) sexually aroused. If used in a phrase such as "cised for [something]," it can simply mean that the speaker likes the thing in question. The word is pronounced with a soft "s" (as in 'side' or 'psychology') and rhymes with "iced". This term is commonly preceded by the word “butt-” which may amplify the phrase to mean extremely excited.

Coke Can (n.)

Lurch's penis, or any penis with a high girth-to-length ratio.

Combo (n.)

A description of a shrunken male organ, caused by either anxiety or below average temperature. Term derived from the resemblance of the male organ to the popular snack food.

Creep (v.)

Cheating on one's partner. A creeper is the person with whom the creeping individual is creeping.

Crush (v.)

To have sex (usually vaginal intercourse) with. Generally used in the phrase "crush it," with it referring to a woman.

Dagger (a.)

This junkism alludes to being unexpectedly hurt or wronged and is used to describe an unfavorable circumstance or situation, such as a sports injury or being laid off a job. It can also mean a characteristic that renders something immediately undesirable. For example, finding out that the attractive single woman that you are hitting on has children or herpes would be a dagger. This is derivation from the Washington Wizards play-by-play man Steve Buckhantz, a guest of the show and the voice in the sound clip.

Deuce (n.)

Also known as a Duce Staley, after the football player, this is a term for bowel movements, derived from that function's common identification as "number two.". If it is a particularly large bowel movement, it may be known as a Deuce McAllister. Phrase sometimes preceded by "droppin' a"

Deuce-seven (a.)

To be at a great disadvantage in life due to entirely accidental circumstances. Derived from the expression "delt a bad hand," or similar expressions. Statistically, two and seven of differing suits is the worst starting hand in Texas Hold 'em.

Dole (v.)

To give or distribute something, such as prizes; usually free.

Donkey (n.)

Alluding to the animal, this Junkism is used to refer to someone as an ass, or who has made a fool out of him or herself. Often, however, it refers affectionately to Junkies listeners or the Junkies themselves.

Duck (n./v.)

The act of avoiding taking semen into the mouth at the conclusion of fellatio. When the Junkies wish to ask a caller about her preferences in fellatio, they ask her what her favorite bird is: the duck, the swallow, or the spotted owl. See the definitions for 'swallow' and 'spotted owl' below. The term also serves as a nickname for Cakes, who dressed up as Donald Duck for Halloween in 2006.

Fatty (n.)

This Junkism refers to someone who is successful or in a favorable or winning situation. Fatty also refers to a morbidly obese person, drawing ire and disdain from the observer.

Felted (v.)

To be ripped off, stood up, jilted, or otherwise screwed over. Derived from the gambling term "down to the felt," meaning to have a small stack of chips due to losing.

Gas face (n./v.)

The look you give someone when they are saying or doing something that is dumb as hell. The audio drop of the gas face has replaced the flush for most of the calls the Junkies find stupid, the Junks simply "give them the gas face." Derived from the song of the same name by Caucasian rap group 3rd Bass.

Grasping (v.)

Believing or arguing that something that is impossible/improbable is possible/probable, usually out of loyalty to one's team. For example, E.B. was grasping when he said that the 3-7 Skinny Skin Skins still had a chance of making the playoffs. Probably derived from the expression "grasping at straws."

Grill (v.)

To publicly criticize or ridicule.

H&R Block (v.)

To engage in sexual intercourse. H&R Block is a popular income tax preparation company. See the entry for "tax" below.

Ham sandwich (n.)

Female genitalia. The two pieces of bread represent the labia majora and the wavy pink slices of ham protruding from between the bread represent the labia minora.

Heisman (n.)

After the stiff-arm pose in the Heisman Trophy, "giving the Heisman" is the act of brusquely preventing someone from talking to you or coming up to you.

Hingis (v.)

I.e. Martina Hingis. The act of providing your woman with oral pleasure.

Hook (v.)

Alluding to the phrase “hook up,” this usually refers to receiving something for free, such as a prize; however, this can also imply a sexual favor. The phrase "hook it" refers to masturbation.

Hunge (adj.)

Hundred.

Hurting (n./adj.)

Pronounced “hair-ting,” with strong emphasis on the first syllable, or "her-ting", similarly to the standard pronunciation. In both pronunciations, the t-sound is placed in the second syllable rather than in the first. This refers to a man or woman who is unattractive, something that is low-quality, or virtually anything undesirable. In describing a Dirty Sanchez, E.B. explained that it involves wiping a "hurting" on a woman's face.

In a box (a.)

Being unaware of what is going on in the world around you, especially with regards to current events and popular culture, due to preoccupation with more pressing personal concerns. Johnnycakes is typically described as a "man in a box" because he's too busy caring for his issue to keep tabs on much else.

Ink Blot (n./v.)

Small puddles of semen deposited on a sex partner's body, or the act of ejaculating onto the sex partner's body at the conclusion of the sexual act.

Jeff Smoker (n.)

Used to describe fellatio by using the pro football player's name instead of a more vulgar term. "Smoking" is an element of several slang expressions for fellatio. During "Whore or Bore" the Junkies will usually ask the caller when was the last time she "hung out with Jeff Smoker."

Jersey (n.)

The Junks frequently use the term 'Jersey' in order to determine the length of someone's penis. By asking, "what jersey do you wear?", the person replies with a player who is known to wear a specifically numbered jersey, which then translates into inches.

Jone (n.)

A “cut-down” or insult. This can also be used as a verb.

Kill (v.)

One of two definitions may apply. In a sexual context, "kill" means to have sexual intercourse with ("So would you kill Eva Longoria even without the makeup?"). "Kill" can also mean to talk trash about someone or talk about their private affairs on-air.

Lock (n.)

A sure thing or guaranteed winner.

Lou Holtz (n.)

A Junkism for penis, after the former football coach of the University of South Carolina Gamecocks.

Money (a.)

Usually pronounced normally, but sometimes pronounced “mawh-ney,” this describes something awe-inspiring, of high quality, or merely good. When something is extremely good, it may be termed Money Metal. Cakes wanted a home that would not be damaged by termites. Specifically, he expressed a wish for a 'money metal house.' At the time, Cakes intended money to modify "metal house," (i.e., a house not made of wood), but now money metal is an adjective of its own, and does not require the object it is describing to be made of metal.

Murder (v.)

Term frequently used by the Junkies to refer to the act of having vaginal intercourse. "BDK, I bet you were murdering Ashley last night!"

Nubbins (n./adj.)

Derived from a gambling and poker term, meaning to have little or no money. As used by the Junkies, it describes something that is undesirable or of low quality because of its small stature. For example, Cakes had to park his rented pickup truck on the street because it was too large for his nubbins garage. A small mobile phone would not be considered a nubbins phone, however, because smallness is a desirable trait in mobile phones. Nubbinsville, attending Nubbinsville State, and being on nubbins street refer to being poor.

Nugget (n.)

a short fact or piece of information. Another variation is "nug-let".

Number (n.)

The number of partners a women has had. See “Whore or Bore.” As with the "sportcenter" generation, the alternate Spanish interpretation of "nombre" is also socially acceptable.

Okey-Doke (v.)

To steal something; to trick or otherwise deceive someone. Use is "pull an okey-doke".

Poo-Poo (adj.)

Low-quality.

Punt (v.)

Put forth little effort, as in a segment, full show, interview, etc. Although the term is used by people all over and is not necessarily "Junkies lingo", the Junkies do often substitute the names of NFL kickers for the word ("I'm going to Hunter Smith the EP", referring to Indianapolis Colts punter Hunter Smith).

Rhea Perlman (n.)

Another name for diarrhea.

Ricky (n.)

It is the shortened version of Richard. While the obvious nickname would be Dick, Ricky serves as a witty device to go the long way and refer to someone as a "dick". In years past you might hear Lurch refer to another as "Richard Cranium", that is translated to "Dick Head".

Usually pronounced "Riiiickay". Alluding to former Miami Dolphins football player Ricky Williams, this Junkism refers to any person who makes poor decisions, such as Williams who has been repeatedly suspended and fined for violating the NFL’s substance-abuse policy.

Right/Wrong Book (n.)

When one of the Junkies gets a fact, name, stat, recollection, etc. wrong, it is recorded in the Right/Wrong Book. Very few errors are actually recorded in the Book, as it only exists in the furthest reaches of Cakes's money memory. The book is sometimes referred to by the name R. W. McQuarters, after the NFL cornerback who shares initials with the term Right/Wrong.

Rondell Mealy (n.)

Term used to describe a brawl or physical altercation. A play on words meaning melee, but evoking the former, marginally talented LSU and Green Bay running back's name in its place.

Salty (adj.)

To feel embarrassed or upset as a result of being wronged by another.

Seeing flops (v.)

Playing online Texas Hold 'em, a favorite pastime of the Junkies with the exception of J.P. (although Cakes prefers the slow bleed of blackjack to losing his stack immediately in no-limit poker).

Silly (n.)

An attractive woman, or a superior or superlative example of something. Lurch's car is a silly; his wife's is not. This can also be used as an adjective.

Sister (n.)

A Black woman. In plural form, Black women generally. Cakes once remarked that he's "not cised for the sisters," whereas Lurch has a mild case of Jungle Fever.

Sleep (on) (v.)

To forget, ignore, or underestimate something.

Spotted Owl (n.)

The act of ejaculating onto the fellatrix's body at the conclusion of fellatio. When the Junkies wish to ask a caller about her preferences in fellatio, they ask her what her favorite bird is: the duck, the swallow, or the spotted owl. See the definitions for 'swallow' and 'duck'.

Strange (n.)

Sex with someone other than one's usual partner. It usually implies creeping. Lurch likes when his wife and kids go to the beach house for three weeks during the summer, because it allows him to "get some strange."

Struggling (adj.)

Unattractive. Pronounced as "stir-RUG-gull-ling" in a drawn out manner, as if each syllable is a word by itself. The pronunciation is derived from the way that a drunken Joe Namath pronounced the word in a December 2003 interview with Suzy Kolber from ESPN.

The Sturch (n/v.)

The act of stealing money from a passed-out sex partner. When Lurch was in college, he got drunk at a bar and realized that sex with a butt hurting fatty was "inevitable." He went back to her place, taxed it, then removed $200 from her purse as she dozed off. Lurch absconded in a taxi and took his friends out to Denny's to celebrate.

Surhoff (n.)

A Junkism that means fellatio. A reference to former Oriole BJ Surhoff.

Swallow (n./v.)

The act of swallowing semen at the conclusion of fellatio. When the Junkies wish to ask a caller about her preferences in fellatio, they ask her what her favorite bird is: the duck, the swallow, or the spotted owl. See the definitions for 'duck' and 'spotted owl'.

Swoll/Swole (v.)

To become enlarged. Derived from 'swollen' and taken from a quote by NBA player Allen Iverson. Once, while being questioned by reporters on his work ethic, Iverson responded, "“So if I came back all swoll, would they just hand me the MVP?”. Used almost exclusively by Lurch. "After I bet against Cakes, my Bodog account got swoll."

Tax (v.)

To have sex with, usually vaginal intercourse. See 'crush'.

Terrorize (v.)

To have sex with. See 'Crush', 'Tax', 'Murder'.

Tig ol' Bitties (n., plural)

Big ol' Titties

Tom Glancy (n, v.)

When a Junkie just glances at a news story instead of thoroughly reading it. Frequently the Junkie will then make up 'facts' leading to the comparison with famous author Tom Clancy. For instance when EB was touting that the National Inquirer had actual photos from Steve Irwin's death without noticing the "Photo Recreation" disclaimer he Tom Glancy'd the article and in so doing was a Tom Glancy.

Travis Ford (n.)

Mammary intercourse. The college basketball coach's initials (T.F.) are the same as those for "titty fuck," a common slang term for the practice.

Trifling (a.)

Used to describe something as a lowly, sad or disappointing.

Wave (n.)

A sudden urgent need to defecate.

Whitey (n.)

A white person. When used as a plural, it refers to white people collectively.

Whore (v.)

To screw someone over or to get screwed over yourself. Used in a sentence: "If I had only bet against Cakes this weekend, I would not have been whored at the sports book."

Zippy (a.)

To have/be a little or non-existent amountof. Used in a sentence: "Zippy chance that Noah took two of every animal on the ark."

External links

• The Junkies official site
• The Junkies on MySpace.com
• JunksTV
• Big Daddy Kev's movie reviews (The Junkies movie reviewer)
• The Washington Post Magazine cover article (02/26/2006)
• Junkies Sports Service: The Official Sports Betting Advice Website of The Junkies
• Junkies Show Stream and Download
• The Junkies Full Show Podcast
• WJFK Junkies Podcast