Ned Flanders

Template:Simpsons character Nedward "Ned" Flanders is a fictional character on The Simpsons, voiced by Harry Shearer. He and his family live next door to the Simpsons. A devout Protestant Christian, he is generally considered a pillar of the Springfield community. He is a positive representation of Evangelicals, going against the "Hell and Damnation" stereotype. Since the episode "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily" he has been a widower.

He was one of the first characters outside of the immediate Simpson family to appear on the show — his ownership of a vast and sparkling-new Winnebago, the Land Behemoth sparked the action of one of the very first regular episodes. It has been revealed that Ned Flanders was named after NW Flanders St. in Portland, Oregon, the hometown of Simpsons creator Matt Groening. It appears he will play a large role in Bart's subplot in The Simpsons Movie.

Biography

Ned was raised in New York City by two beatniks. Ned's father looked precisely like his son would as an adult, but with a goatee. Their refusal to discipline Ned and their all-around terrible parenting skills ("We've tried nothin', and we're all out of ideas!") made him a childhood terror. He was eventually consigned to an experimental eight-month spanking therapy program (flashbacked to in Hurricane Neddy) — the University of Minnesota Spankological Protocol — which taught him to repress entirely any and all feelings of anger. This resulted in Ned bearing a lifelong hatred of his parents, one of only two things that he hates. The other is the post office, whose long lines, surly employees and confusing machines annoy him.

Ned has the odd habit of attaching "diddly", "doodly" and other nonsensical phrases to his sentences. "Hi-diddly-ho, neighbor-ino", is a common example. This is the result of sublimated anger caused by his upbringing, anger which has no other outlet.

His repressed anger eventually erupted; following the destruction of his house by a hurricane, Ned suffered a crisis of faith and a very public nervous breakdown, during which he pointedly criticized all of Springfield's citizens. For a time, he had himself committed at "Calmwood", a psychiatric hospital in Springfield. While institutionalized, Ned wore a straitjacket and read the newspaper with his feet. Upon his release, he expressed his desire never to squelch his true feelings again, much to the jubilation of his friends (his desire to run his enemies down with his car led to slightly less jubilation).

Ned has a sister who lives in Capital City. He has only mentioned her once, in When Flanders Failed. After selling all the family's possessions, mostly to Homer at outrageously cheap prices, and spending the night in the family car, Ned planned on moving in with her. She has not been mentioned or seen since.

Despite an outward appearance of exceeding meekness, Ned hides an exceptionally well-built physique considering his age under his pink shirt and green sweater combination. He claims his deceptively youthful appearance is due to his conformity to the "Three C's": "Clean living, Chewing thoroughly, and a daily dose of vitamin Church!"

There have been several double-entendres and on-screen gags that suggest Ned has a larger-than-average penis.

Both Ned and his family rarely if ever refer to his moustache as such, preferring nicknames such as "Nose Neighbor", "Mr. Tickles", "The Soup Strainer", "The Pushbroom", and "Dr. Fuzzenstein". He once shaved it off, after being mocked by Homer, but then apparently chose to grow it back — despite the fact that the svelte Ned was hired to appear in a commercial. While living in Humbleton, PA, Ned was again looked down upon for having a moustache. When Ned gets gum stuck in his moustache, he uses a piece of ice to freeze it, and then shatters it with a hammer.

His extreme prudishness has made him very averse to saying the word "sex" aloud, even when there are no children in sight — he either spells it out or sheepishly calls it "doodily". Ned also uses the word "doodle", "flander-doodle" or "shrinky-dink" when referring to a penis.

Ned is a graduate of Oral Roberts University, where he apparently belonged to a fraternity. He may also have applied to Arizona State University, as he has mentioned the entry requirements there.

At some point before or after college, Ned met and married the equally meek and religious Maude. They had two children together ; the ridiculously sheltered and naïve Rod and Todd, these two names possibly being chosen as they both rhyme with God. Ned is a widower, following the freak t-shirt cannon accident that claimed Maude's life in the episode "Alone Again, Natura-Diddily". Since Maude's death, Ned has been connected romantically with a beautiful Christian-rock singer, Rachel Jordan (voiced by Shawn Colvin), and a movie star, Sara Sloane (voiced by Marisa Tomei).

Ned is the owner of the house next-door to the Simpson's, on the lot to the right. The address has been given as both 740 and 738 Evergreen Terrace. His is a two-story detached house with a connected garage. In The Simpson's Guide to Springfield, the Flanders homestead is described as "the only four-star hotel in Springfield".

The front-door bell rings "Kumbaya" or "Onward Christian Soldiers". All of the rooms include religious imagery (Shroud of Turin beach towels, a Lot's Wife salt-shaker) and photographs of the late Maude Flanders. The house is well furnished with expensive furniture, which Ned claims he bought cheaply because it was once "evidence from a murder trial".

The backyard of the house includes a garden, patio and a barbeque — the enormous 'Propane Elaine' — and is often used for Ned's various get-togethers. Occasionally, a large, square, recessed bomb shelter is present in the backyard, as well. It seems to come and go as needed, and was once destroyed by the remnants of a comet.

In the early years of the show, Homer Simpson generally loathed Ned, aside from a short stint as his best friend, because Ned's family, job, health and self-discipline are of such higher quality than he could ever hope to attain himself. Marge Simpson's enduring fondness for him did not help the situation, either. Homer tells him to "shut his stupid face" on a regular basis, and has even prayed for his ruin and death — "I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another, until you just wish Flanders was dead." As the show progressed, though, Homer and Ned's relationship was explored more thoroughly; they appear to be good friends, and Homer seems to genuinely care for Ned deep down, despite still expressing (and often acting on) feelings of loathing. Examples of this include Homer comforting Ned following Maude's death (seconds after preparing to bash Ned's head in with a rock), and helping Ned build Praiseland Amusement Park.

The Leftorium

Ned once decided to act upon his growing displeasure with his career in pharmaceuticals and quit his job, throwing his tie onto his barbecue as a symbol of his new freedom. He then opened a store in the Springfield mall called The Leftorium. The store specializes in selling products for left-handed people: everything from left-handed can openers to an entirely left-handed car, of which only three were ever made. Many of the Leftorium's products are merely labeled as "left-handed", such as pens and nunchucks. He will not sell, however, left-handed eyelash curlers.

The Leftorium first appeared in the third season in the episode When Flanders Failed. The Leftorium was originally shown on the second floor of the Springfield Mall, at the top of an escalator, but in the episode Last Tap Dance in Springfield it was shown to be on the first floor. The Leftorium faces competition from Leftopolis and Left-Mart. However, an unusually large proportion of Springfield's citizens are also left-handed, including Bart Simpson, Principal Skinner, Mr. Burns, Moe Szyslak and the I.R.S./Bill-Collector Guy.

Ned's left-handedness is ironic in several senses of the word: the Latin term for "left" is the origin of the modern English "sinister", yet Ned is painstakingly righteous; the following of "alternative" pagan religions is called the "left-hand path", yet Ned is distinctly Christian; in politics the "left" is liberal, yet Ned is socially conservative.

Beliefs

File:Simpsons movie trailer 3.png

A naked Bart Simpson hits the wall of Krusty Burger, where Ned, Rod, and Todd Flanders sit eating. From the February 18, 2007 trailer of The Simpsons Movie.

Though firmly religious, Ned can be quite timid and something of a pushover. He is also often insecure. He is obsessed with following the Bible as literally as possible ("even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff") and is easily shocked when challenged on any point of dogma. This has led to his frequent calls to Reverend Lovejoy ("I... I think I'm coveting my own wife!") who has become increasingly frustrated with Flanders ("Ned...have you thought about one of the other major denominations? They're all pretty much the same.") Lovejoy has been driven into severe depression by Ned's constant badgering and he now encourages his Olde English Sheepdog to defecate on Ned's lawn in order to passive-aggressively avenge himself. In the videogame The Simpsons Road Rage and the episode Hurricane Neddy, it is revealed that Ned keeps kosher "just to be safe."

Ned's sons have been raised in an unbelievably strict climate of Christian morality, to which they seem to conform almost instinctively. In one episode, it is revealed that they "don't believe in flu shots", much as their father considers insurance to be a "form of gambling" and dice games to be "wicked" (apparently, games for Nintendo systems like Super Noah's Ark and Bible Blaster do not share in this evil). Rod and Todd go to bed several hours before sunset. They are not allowed to consume sugar (doing so will make them aggressive and hit each other); rather, they delight in nachos "Flanders-style" ("That's cucumbers and cottage cheese!") and wintergreen "ice milk".

Most of the entertainment enjoyed by the family involves religion in some way. For instance, the family uses at least five different versions of the Bible to play "Bombardment...of Bible Questions!" ("The bridal feast of Beth Chadruharazzeb!?"), and are part of a competitive bowling team called the Holy Rollers (their uniform consisting of a Franciscan Friar's robes). Ned seems to sense that he cannot completely shield his family from the vagaries of popular culture, but does his best to mitigate the effects; one of his children's stories concludes: "...and Harry Potter and all his wizard friends went straight to Hell, for practicing witchcraft." Though they have satellite TV, nearly all of the 230 channels are blocked out — likely for the best, as one episode of Itchy & Scratchy was enough to more or less permanently scar Rod and Todd. (Maude once crusaded against 'violent cartoons', as well, so blocking out the channels may have been her idea.) Todd used to watch Davey and Goliath, but, finding the idea of talking dogs to be blasphemous, he has since stopped. Ned and Maude did have a subscription to Newsweek magazine, however, which may have been the means by which they followed outside goings-on.

Ned can sometimes fight for what he believes in, especially when faced with an equally zealous or entirely apathetic opponent. For example, when Homer and Bart became Roman Catholic, after having shaken a Catholic priest's hand, Ned reminded himself to get his hand "re-blessed" (odd, considering he keeps a Latin Vulgate Bible in his home). In the same episode, when Bart told him he wanted to convert to Judaism, Ned took out a bottle of chloroform in order to dissuade him. Likewise, when Lisa converted to Buddhism, he ordered Rod and Todd into the bomb shelter, telling them that they might never return to the surface. He once attempted to forcibly baptize the Simpson children, using his portable baptizin' kit, after finding out that they had never undergone the ritual — and after fainting several times.

His antipathy toward Judaism and Hinduism has been lightly portrayed — he once compared worshipping Shiva to asking for help from Hawkman, and he fears that his children will grow up to become Jewish Hollywood producers.

In the episode "HOMЯ", after Homer has a crayon removed from his brain and becomes super-intelligent, Homer tells Flanders that "I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no God". He hands Ned a piece of paper with the proof. Skeptical, Ned says "We'll just see about that." Ned reads the paper, his face falling. "Nope, it's airtight. Can't let this little doozy get out." Ned then uses a lighter to burn the proof, while, in the background, Homer puts more copies of his formula on the windshields of nearby cars.

Despite the firmness of his religious convictions and occasional instances of antagonism towards other faiths, he is still honest and sincere in carrying out the Christian doctrines of charity, kindness and compassion. He spends every Wednesday working at the Springfield homeless shelter and soup kitchen — the Helter Shelter — and reads to sick children at the hospital, where he had unknowingly seen a softer side of Moe: "If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt." He is rigorously honest and upright, even going so far as to spend an entire day tracking down a Leftorium customer in order to give him the extra change that he had previously failed to hand over. In a similar vein, after winning football tickets by answering a radio trivia question, he immediately asked for the cash value so he could report this on his income taxes. He also means to be a good neighbor to the Simpsons, regularly asking about their lives and offering his assistance — and then suffering the consequences often paid to those with good intentions.

When a comet threatened to destroy the city, he attempted to save every single Springfieldian, and even decided to leave his own bomb shelter — Homer having told him he would be useless after the apocalypse — instead of allowing someone else to die in his place. It is interesting that the rest survived only because they decided to follow Ned's brave example, or felt guilty about letting him sacrifice himself: if they had stayed inside, the shelter would have collapsed upon them.

Ned has fed, bathed and clothed at least one indigent man — Homer's half-brother Herb, before he created his second world-class business. It is a telling fact that both Rod and Todd wanted to anoint the sores on Herb's feet.

His dogged friendship can inspire the loyalty of others; when his Leftorium seemed sure to go bankrupt shortly after it opened, Homer came to find that many people in Springfield love Ned: "Ned Flanders is in trouble?!" shouted a man, learning of the predicament and leaping off the couch. Homer was thus able to set the stage for a Frank Capra-esque George Bailey-bailout.

Flanders' religious denomination, along with that of Reverend Lovejoy and most other Springfieldians, has long been a matter of much speculation among fans. In The Father, The Son, and The Holy Guest Star, this is briefly mentioned by Reverend Lovejoy when stating that they will bring Bart and Homer back to the "one true faith": The Western Branch of American Reformed Presbylutheranism.

He has compared flood to the tale Noah's Ark at least twice; when Homer flooded Springfield in "Mom and Pop Art", he believed that "The Lord [had] drowned the wicked and spared the righteous". In "Pray Anything", he built an ark himself, made entirely up of same-sex pairs (in a failed attempt to prevent sexual intercourse).

His religious fervor has been mocked most openly in the many Halloween episodes, outside of regular continuity. He has: become "the unquestioned Lord and Master of the world", instituting Orwellian "Re-Neducation" facilities for those who have impure thoughts, complete with frontal lobotomies for hardcases; proclaimed his preference for "wanton carnality" as an early Pilgrim immigrant to the New World, only to be vetoed by Maude; been transformed into a werewolf; been murdered by both Homer Simpson (who used the rise of a zombie horde as an excuse for killing him — Homer didn't care if Ned was actually zombie or not) and an evil bus-gremlin which he attempted to adopt. He has also been seen participating in the "Walk for the Cure to Homosexuality".

Ned has represented both the Devil and God — in a Halloween episode and in a regular episode, respectively. In the Treehouse of Horror IV special, Ned played the Prince of Darkness in the opening segment "The Devil & Homer Simpson", explaining that "it's always the person you least expect". The Ned-Satan offered Homer a donut in return for his eternal soul, but was thwarted in a court of law when it was revealed that Homer had previously granted his soul to Marge when they got married. Later in the series, when Marge fantasized about being Eve opposite Homer as Adam, Marge/Eve imagined Ned as representing God, who was never clearly seen — but His voice was certainly that of Ned, and God's arm was clothed in Ned's classic green sweater.

Ned has also represented Priam, King of Troy.

In the episode "Alone Again, Natura-Diddly," Maude makes a remark about foot-long hot dogs making Ned "uncomfortable." Later in the episode, Flanders is shown as Homer video tapes him in the shower. Though his penis has been slightly blurred out through digital censorship, the head and shaft are clearly visible. Ned's flaccid penis is knee-length.

Hobbies and Interests

As a boy, Ned was fond of the radio and comic-book character Dick Tracy, and his Rogue's Gallery — particularly Pruneface.

Ned maintains a secret reverence for The Beatles, admitting to Homer: "Of course I was into the Beatles! They were bigger than Jesus!" (referencing John Lennon's controversial remarks in 1966 — he actually said that the Beatles were "more popular than Jesus"). Ned has collected many Beatles-related items, including vintage records, novelty soda cans, bobble-heads, the identical suits the band wore during their Ed Sullivan Show appearance and a cardboard yellow submarine.

He also likes David Crosby (calling him a "troubled troubadour"). The Moody Blues once attempted to kill him.

Ned collects "Humble" figurines, and once even lived for a short time in Humbleton, Pennsylvania, where they are made.

Ned can play pool exceptionally. He also seems to enjoy hosting guests, barbequing and serving alcohol (though apparently not drinking it — as mentioned above, he has called himself a teetotaler). His basement "rumpus room" contains a well-stocked bar and a large bumper pool table. He is an excellent bartender, proud of his ability to pour a perfect beer (this fails him when he is insulted, though he is too good a host to refuse a drink to a guest, even a thoroughly unwelcome one), and he can produce some complicated mixes ("It has three shots of rum, a jigger of bourbon, and just a little daberilla of creme de cassis for flavor.")

His bowling team was largely undefeated, possibly due to some divine influence — or, perhaps, the fact that, despite being left-handed, Ned bowls spectacularly with his right hand.

Ned has supported Todd in his youthful miniature golf career, and has shown great pride in his son's skill with a violin. He also coached Rod and Todd's football team (their uniform numbers were 6 and 66, respectively), before handing control over to the more belligerent and intensely annoying Homer Simpson. Flanders told the boys that organized sports would help distract them from "the major temptations in life, like rock music and girls".

Ned is a Junior Camper Leader, and has organized several events in that capacity, including the popular "Sponge Bathe the Old Folks Day". Many of those who attended his Junior Camper Annual Father-Son Rafting Trip were never seen again, after spending the night at an abandoned campsite.

Ned seems to know Ernest Borgnine well enough to request his attendance as a celebrity "fill-in" father at Junior Camper events (though this may merely indicate his influence in the organization).

Ned has some knowledge of survival techniques (including water- and food-rationing) and he can make a perfectly lovely birdfeeder using only a pine cone and a smidgen of peanut butter.

Ned is a strong advocate of knife safety ("that's a Neddy No-No!") and axe safety ("it's time to put you away...") He also believes in using plenty of sunscreen when outdoors for extended periods (he has been spotted with liberal amounts of zinc on his "sniffer").

Ned despises Red Hots candies, but only because of the cartoon devil on the box. He prefers peanut butter cups, with Yoo-hoo and Slice to drink — he served the same to the students of Springfield Elementary. He also promised to put the "stew" back in "student", and has claimed to keep strictly kosher, "just to be on the safe side".

Ned also likes to snack on plain white bread "with a glass of water on the side for dippin'".

Ned believes that corn-starch is "good for keepin' down the urges".

Ned has a realistic view of the meat industry, but this does not stop him from enjoying a fine roast chicken: "Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middlemen who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys over at the slaughterhouse."

Ned is a vocal apple cider enthusiast. He holds a season's pass to the Mt. Swartzwelder Historic Cider Mill (member number 00001), which pays for itself after sixteen visits: "if its clear and yellah, you've got juice there, fella; if it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town!"

He has been seen jogging, in full paraphernalia (including wrist-weights and very expensive, personalized "Assassin" shoes). Sometimes, he goes on (dangerous) "fog walks" around midnight (or, at least, Halloween-Ned does).

Presumably, Ned spends a good deal of his free time reading the Bible: he once expressed displeasure with Maude for underlining passages in his copy (this drove them into marriage counselling; "Lucky they don't keep guns in the house!"), but he still remains a little shaky on the conveyance that will be used by the Four Riders during the Last Days ("It's the four elephants of the apocalypse!").

Social involvement

Ned is apparently involved in the environmentalism movement, as he once visited Montgomery Burns, encouraging him to begin recycling. Ned was fortunate to be wearing his Assassins at the time, since Mr. Burns released "the hounds" on him.

He acts in community theatre, and may have a soft spot for the works of Tennessee Williams. He has portrayed both Stanley Kowalski and Blanche DuBois in various versions of A Streetcar Named Desire: "That's what you get when you go to an all-boys school."

He also holds a position on several community grass-roots groups, the "Citizens' Committee on Moral Hygiene" and the "Neighborhood Association" among them. As mentioned above, he is also the head of the local Parent-Teacher Association.

He has been seen voting in a municipal election, and presumably voted for Sideshow Bob, a Republican Party candidate (to be fair, so did just about everyone else, living and dead, in Springfield). He was not present at a meeting of the Springfield Republican Party (perhaps because it was held in a vampire's castle), but he did once say, "I wish we lived in a world more like the America of yesteryear, that only exists in the minds of us Republicans".

He is a supporter of the Jebediah Springfield legend, acting as a merchandise vendor during one town parade in Jebediah's honour and as town crier (for a moment or two, anyhow) during another. The hat and bell of the town crier are, apparently, family heirlooms — as mentioned above, it is possible that they once belonged to Commander Flanders, as well as an earlier, colonial-era Flanders.

Ned was among the only Springfieldians to avoid being ensnared by the Movementarian cult and participated in the deprogramming of several cult members. However, he was fooled by an advertising stunt involving an archaeologically-excavated 'angel skeleton'. He believed it belonged to a real angel — though it is interesting that even the firmly dubious Lisa Simpson feared she was wrong when the angel began to speak.

Ned began an internet company called Flancrest Enterprises (which deals in religious hook-rugs) and founded a Bible-themed amusement park called Praiseland, in honour of his late wife. (That he would go to such lengths to fulfill her last wish is unsurprising, as Ned had previously exerted himself a great deal in order to avoid disappointing Maude — after accidentally killing Maude's prized ficus plant, he attempted to bury and secretly replace it rather than explain the situation).

He has also had a brief career as a religious-film director — The Passion of Cain and Abel (the title characters were played by Rod and Todd; Ned played Adam and the Devil portrayed in the Simpson's Halloween Special) was a gory homage to Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. He also made a short film for the Springfield Film Festival, a remake of The Ten Commandments, with Todd playing the role of the infant Moses. When placed into the strong current of the 'Nile', Todd was whisked away. Ned prayed to God: "Flanders to God! Flanders to God! Get off your cloud and save my Todd!" Lightning immediately struck a tree down-river and stopped the runaway Flanders in the Hebrew basket. Ned offered a simple "Thanks, God!", to which God responded in kind: "Okely-dokely!". This, in addition to the fact that God once obliged Ned with a rain-shower to stop a fire from reaching his house, has led some to theorize that Ned is so close to God, he can summon His aid at will. This is further evidenced when Ned misses a bowling pin while playing in a tournament and looks up saying, "It's me, Ned" and the pin promptly falls over.

"The Adventures of Ned Flanders"

The Adventures of Ned Flanders was a short that appeared at the end of the episode The Front. Entitled Love that God, it highlights the Flanders' dedication to religion and perfect family niceness, yet again. Ned nearly scolds Rod and Todd, who are busy praying, after they refuse to get ready for church — only to be told that it is, in fact, a Saturday. Ned laughs at his mistake with a trademark "okelydokelydoo!" According to commentary on 22 Short Films About Springfield, The Simpsons team wanted to do more "Adventures of Ned Flanders" shorts. Time limitations have prevented them from producing more.

External links

• The Leftorium; the biggest and only Ned Flanders fansite on the web