Wikipedia:April Fools/April Fools' Day 2005/Cabal

File:Villianc.svg

A Cabalist in typical attire.

Welcome to the official headquarters of Wikipedia's cabal! We are a group of sysops and bureaucrats and developers. We are commanded into action by our good friend, Jimbo Wales! We, the undersigned agree to:

• Reject as many requests for adminship as possible.
• Keep n00bs under control by telling them ridiculous lies about our respect for humanity.
• Scare anybody we want into submission by blocking whiners.
• Spend the donations from fundraising drives on gold-plated 70-foot yachts, French wines and bottled water, and business jets for the Board of Trustees members.
• Look down on everybody else.
• Encourage systematic bias throughout Wikimedia.
• Continue to develop our secret anti-copyleft policies.
• Trim our hair in accordance with the elitist lifestyle.
• Delete anything, anytime.
• Propagate the total worship of Jimbo.
• Indiscriminately accuse harmless users of vandalism.
• Use the mailing lists and Internet Relay Chat to denounce "trolls".
• Loudly and repeatedly deny the very existence of our aims or the existence of this page.