Bill Brasky

Bill Brasky was the subject of a series of sketches on the television sketch comedy program Saturday Night Live between 1996 and 1998. The sketches were written by cast member Will Ferrell and writer Adam McKay who on occasion playfully referred to Brasky as Jimmy Tang.

Format

The format of the sketches resembles the short-form improv game "Two Describe a Third." Three or four friends (known as the "Bill Brasky Buddies") gather in a public place to drink Scotch, smoke cigarettes, and loudly reminisce about their coworker and mutual acquaintance, Bill Brasky. While the friends refer to Brasky in both present and past tense on occasion, it appears that Brasky is still alive: some sketches end with Brasky's appearance via a forced perspective shot that makes him look like a giant. (One sketch, set at Brasky's funeral, ends with Brasky breaking out of the coffin holding a glass of Scotch.)

Most of the friends' discussions focus on their admiration of Brasky's superhuman accomplishments, usually focused on his huge size, virility, celebrity connections, amazing tolerance for drugs and alcohol, and reckless disregard for human life. The stories of Brasky's life and seemingly legendary accomplishments are exaggerated to absurd levels in the American tradition of tall tales, similar to the "Chuck Norris Facts" Internet phenomenon, employed nearly a decade later (in fact, Bill Brasky quotes are regularly recycled as Chuck Norris facts). If their stories are to be believed, Brasky is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, possesses a variety of superhuman capabilities, and has cheated death on numerous occasions.

The Brasky Buddies are all apparently salesmen who worked with Brasky, as they frequently state that he was "the best damned salesman in the office." They all have red cheeks and red noses (apparently due to the large amounts of Scotch they consume), and extremely large, white teeth (for unexplained reasons). They appear to be coming from a sales conference or a business meeting, and by the time the sketch begins, they are very drunk.

Typically, the three cycle through the same genres of comment four or five times. The first buddy will begin a long anecdote about Brasky, interrupted by the second drunkenly blurting out something embarrassing (e.g. "I masturbate to the Teletubbies..."). The buddies then exchange several shorter claims about Brasky. The cycle will then repeat, starting with the second Brasky Buddy, getting more outrageous each time around. At some point a man not party to the original conversation, usually played by Tim Meadows, will interject with "Are you guys talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky!" At another point, Ana Gasteyer will ask the men a question or ask them to calm down, and one of them will respond with a sexist remark.

Some of the accomplishments recounted can be considered downright abhorrent (he has slept with all of their wives, and has apparently caused the deaths of several people) but are still celebrated with the same gusto. At regular intervals, they raise their glasses to toast him, shouting "To Bill Brasky!" They all seem to equally admire and despise Brasky.

According to the "Airport" sketch, Brasky's full name is William Robert Brasky, and he has a wife and a young daughter named Debbie. He is also said to have fathered a child while fighting in Vietnam and a "delicious 16 ounce steak" with the afterbirth being sauteed mushrooms. The buddies often claim that Brasky has fathered numerous bastard children, three of whom were sired with one of their wives after selling her husband into slavery.

Bill Brasky reputedly graduated from Auburn University where his exploits were well chronicled. Some of his college high jinks include sleeping in a construction zone, running up a $400 bar tab on a fake credit card, single handedly carrying a full keg up three flights of stairs, and surfing on the tops of cars “Teen Wolf” style. A few of his post college feats include riding a catfish the size of a Volkswagen in the Tennessee River and nearly dying of alcohol poisoning at his college roommate Jeff’s wedding.

Sketches

1. Airport (January 20 1996) Bill Brasky Buddies: Alec Baldwin, Will Ferrell (as Hank), David Koechner, Mark McKinney, Tim Meadows

2. Holiday Inn (March 16 1996) Bill Brasky Buddies: John Goodman (as Ted), Will Ferrell (as Hank), David Koechner, Mark McKinney, Tim Meadows

3. Funeral (February 22 1997) Bill Brasky Buddies: Alec Baldwin, Will Ferrell (as Hank), Mark McKinney, Tim Meadows. With Ana Gasteyer as a Mourner.

4. Little League (May 10 1997) Bill Brasky Buddies: John Goodman (as Ted), Will Ferrell (as Hank), Mark McKinney, Tim Meadows. With Ana Gasteyer as a Parent.

• The original live broadcast of this sketch was severely truncated, with the last 2-3 minutes of the sketch being cut off. Shortly before the closing shot with the forced-perspective shot of Brasky, the three Brasky Buddies can be seen struggling through their lines, presumably due to lack of cue cards. After the sketch ended, there was an impromptu 45-second shot of the SNL band to fill time, before the last commercial break and goodnights. It is unknown why this sketch was cut short, but it is likely because there was a time discrepancy. There was only about 45 seconds in the goodnights, which would explain why the last few minutes of the sketch were abruptly cut off. In reruns, this edition of the sketch was replaced with the full-length dress rehearsal version.

5. Bar (December 12, 1998) Bill Brasky Buddies: Alec Baldwin, John Goodman (as Ted), Will Ferrell (as Hank). With Ana Gasteyer and Andy Murphy as patrons.

6. Coffee Break (unaired) (October 25 1997) Bill Brasky Buddies: Chris Farley (as Frank), Will Ferrell (as Hank), Norm Macdonald.

• The unaired dress rehearsal was released on Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Farley. In a rather amusing manner, Farley's large (fake) teeth fall out twice and later Farley stumbles over his lines. This sketch was cut after dress rehearsal and never made it into the live show. However, Farley utters the sole Brasky factoid in the episode: "Did you know that he once took a bubble bath with Bruce Jenner?"

While there have been no further actual Bill Brasky sketches, a sketch called Mr. Willoughby appeared on the January 14, 2006, episode of SNL and followed a very similar format. Framed as a trailer for a movie based on a lost Jane Austen novel of the same title, the sketch featured Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey and host Scarlett Johansson as a trio of Victorian sisters rhapsodizing about one Mr. Willoughby, "the most eligible bachelor in all of Upper Cornholeshire." Like the Brasky Buddies' stories, the sisters' descriptions of Willoughby steadily grow more and more bizarre, and they recount even the most repugnant facts ("Mr. Willoughby reeks of urine!") with an attitude of lovestruck awe. At several points the three sisters sigh, "Mr. Willoughby!" in unison, much like the Brasky Buddies' periodic toasts of "To Bill Brasky!"

Quotes

• "Bill Brasky once used a live rattle snake as a condom!"
• "Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
• "His poop is considered currency in Argentina."
• "I once saw him scissor-kick Angela Lansbury."
• "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
• "He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
• "He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! ...And he hated irony!"
• "The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men."
• "He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
• "He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
• "He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
• "They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."
• "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle."
• "We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
• "Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
• "If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
• "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
• "He breastfeeds John Madden!"
• "He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
• "He grew a third arm and kept it in a vault."
• "He sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
• "They use his foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium!"
• "He has a toenail on the end of his penis!"
• "Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin!"
• "He sweats Gatorade"
• "He loved extension cords"
• "Bill Brasky counted to Infinity...Twice!" Bill Brasky!
• "Bill Brasky once split an atom to start a campfire."

External links

• SNL transcript of the original sketch.
• Tales of Bill Brasky sent in by his friends.
• Quotes from the sketches.