User:Elijya

Elijya is a fairly recent addition to wikipedia. His primary interests lie in comicbooks, and other niche examples of Pop Culture.

Wrestling Conspiracy Theories #6

The Blog of Doom (B.O.D.)! From the Mind of a Lunatic! If this is your first issue, congrads, you are as useless as the 4th and 5th wave NWO add-ons! ( No offense "Slapjack" Stevie Ray and Horace Hogan)

Wal-mart is looking into starting a world wide wrestling promotion. They plan on running shows in circus tents in the parking lots of all of their stores.They are claiming that they are the only promotion to offer wrestlers full-time work with lousy healthcare. The one good thing is they will help each of their contracted talent sign up for government welfare...Rumors are going around that Brooke Hogan was responsible for the break-up of Nick and Jessica. That girl will do anything for a recording contract.If and when she goes into wrestling, I think a great ring name for her would be "Harlett" Hogan...See the 11/28/05 Raw? I would like to have it like when I was a kid. General Managers should be like kids in that they are seldom seen and never heard...Tod Gordon has started up a second pawn shop that will only make loans on pro wrestling libraries.So far he has outstanding loans on XWF,AWF,3PW,Continental,Portland, XPW, and a unidentified Memphis group...Why has no indie promoter booked a feud with Teddy Hart and Michael Shane/Matt Bentley? This is a no brainer to continue the Bret Hart/HBK feud on the indie level.You could have Bret tape a promo and play the thing in the lobby of the arena talking how his nephew is going to kick HBK's Nephew's ass. Have Shane Douglas step in for the Shawn Michaels role in either a appearance in the corner or a taped promo...When the Junkyard Dog was blinded by the Freebird hair creme, why didn't they do a angle where JYD got a seeing eye dog for a few weeks? That could have done big business. Everyone likes cute dogs. To end the blind angle, they could have done a vignette of the Freebirds taking the dog behind a woodshed with them laughing with a shotgun.The JYD would then get revenge on them for blinding him and killing his dog...Is there a website out there yet where you can swap wrestling tapes/footage/dvds like all of the bootleg movie sites? I bet a few promoters are shitting bricks thinking about that one. Don't those things usually start in like Sweden or Norway?...Vince Russo idea of the issue- The Back Alley Abortionist. Take any job guy and give him the gimmick of a sleazy surgeon. His finisher could be called the "Miscarriage of Justice" being a discus punch to the gut...I have a way for Cowboy Bill Watts to regain the respect of the boys. I was watching the Travel Channel the other night and they have a real Bigfoot loose in Oklahoma. Bill goes out and captures the thing by spitting chewing tobacco juice in its eyes and wrestling it to the ground. He could then take the beast on a roadshow and sell tickets like the King Kong movies. All of the boys would see that the Cowboy still has it in him...Hector Garza got himself deported. Damn. I had a gimmick for him and Sonjay Dutt. They both come out in suits and proclaim their new tag team name, OUTSOURCE. Their promos could go something like," First we take your jobs, then we take your Titles'...Another gimmick for Sonjay Dutt is he and Justin Credible are the CLERKS. They could throw Slurpies and hot coffee in the faces of their opponents. Justin could also retag with Lance Storm as THE STOCKBOYS. One wears a Target Smock and the other wears a K-mart one. Their finisher is a spike piledriver that they call CLEAN UP ON AISLE 5...Anyone who has Comcast for cable/internet, the rates are going up 4.5% in January. I called to bitch on why we don't have WWE 24/7 and the service guy told me that they would never get it because they are no where near the terms that VKM wants...Great Muta and All Japan are having money trouble. Why not get a few of the WWE cast-off divas and have them show the Japanese their stuff in a few porn mags to make some quick cash?...VKM put his foot in his mouth again with a certain racial comment. He has plans for a new gang called HATE CRIME. Triple H will be the leader since he has the Iron Cross on his tights. They are planning on having John Heidenreich turn on Road Warrior Animal and revert back to his goose stepping former gimmick. His finisher will be the cobra sleeper called THE GAS CHAMBER. VKM has also signed up two wrestlers from Incredibly Strange Wrestling to fill up the faction. He has come to terms with Harley Racist and the Klu Klux Klown.They will wrestle as a tag team called RACE RIOT. Booker T might join the group under a new name of Uncle T...RKO hitting Undertaker with a pipe and then running him over with a car.Just what I want my kid to do on the playground at Wednesday recess...Jimmy Jacobs throws down IWA MIDSOUTH BELT at a show in Berwyn, Illinois(Anyone remember the Son of Svenghouli? BERWYN? BERWYN?). I bet Shane Douglas, who was at the show, rolled his eyes at that one...You will know that the WWE is on the ropes if we see a constant push of the Linda McMahon, Mae Young, and Moolah three divas of fear Playboy centerfold.

Letters Page

WCT,

  I find your newsletter to be facinating.Take it from me,someone who knows about a conspiracy, you have every right to write about the grappling business. I was also interested about optioning the rights to the newsletter for a movie.Drop my agent  a line.

Oliver Stone Hollywood , California

BD: Thanks, Oliver! Your people can talk to my people and we can talk turkey, brother!

I would just like to say it is about time someone besides myself knocks the business.

Tom Zenk Mound, MN

BD: Thanks Tom! Go StrikeForce!

Dear E-mail,

   I have not really followed wrestling since SGT. Craig Pittman abandonded his platoon and "Cobra" Jeff Farmer came after him, but from what I see you are doing a fine job.Every once in a while, I am flipping the channels and I catch the WWF. I think that Tajiri fellow would make a fine North Viet Kong Swift Boat Commander. That is my contribution to your newsletter.

Senator John Kerry Washington, D.C.

BD: Thanks Senator! Sorry the Craig Pittman angle turned you off to wrestling. If it any consolation, Cobra lost and later resurfaced as the Fake Sting!

Wrestling What If: The WWF went Bankrupt after Wrestlemania 1997

The nail in the coffin would have been the USA Network sick of losing to Nitro and Vince being a crybaby about it. They cancel all WWF programming. What would have happened? Steve Austin would have split for All Japan, as Bischoff would not want him. Owen Hart would have never been killed as they would not allow goofy Vince Russo stunts. Vince Russo would be out the door to the unemployment line. The Rock would have been buried in mid-card status in a WCW acquired package of talent like Bret Hart, the Road Warriors, Shawn Michaels, Undertaker (under another name, would have jobbed to Kevin Nash right away), Dustin Rhodes,and Sid . I could have seen Bischoff picking up, just to fill the WCW mid-card ,guys like Al Snow, Owen Hart, British Bulldog, Ron Simmons, Crush, Savio Vega,The BlackJacks, and even Doug Furnas and Phil Lafon. Vader-back to Japan to feud with Mick Foley in a endless series of bloodbath matches. Hunter would have either been a WCW mid-carder or I could see him splitting and going to Europe.Vince would have done what Verne Gagne did, shut down and keep the library and some trademarks for a few years. The courts would have made Vince pay off any debts and sell Titan Tower. Stephanie would have got job at Enron as a P.R. person. She is good at making a bad situation, WORSE. Shane would have gone off in a corner to suck his thumb or whatever he does nowadays. Linda would have divorced Vince and taken the library in her settlement. All of the other talent? ECW would be paying $75.00 a night , so we would have seen a mass retirement in the business.Paul E. would have seen the collection agents coming after him a lot sooner.Jerry Lawler would go back to Memphis, and I could see him talking Bischoff into funding a developemental territory similar to OVW. Pat Patterson would have retired and opened up a gay bar in Key Largo. Brisco, Slaughter, and Lanza would be working the door as bouncers.Cornette would be doing small shows in the south for himself,making enough to be happy and using Jim Ross as his main announcer. Bret Hart would be in a lot better shape physically , but not financially. He would also have never been screwed.And I don't think Bischoff would have learned. He would have been still handing out million dollar contracts like somas because it wasn't his money but Ted Turner's check book.I don't think WCW would have folded, as they would have just shrunk like the WWE has done. They would have kept it around for cheap programming on a Turner network. The best thing to come out of this would be a guy would probally still be alive and we would have a lot more angle free wrestling. The worst thing would be Hulk Hogan would be on top till he turned 65.No Stone Cold, no Rock, and a lot of guys would have a hard time breaking into the business. Just like now.

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