User:Klavis

Klavis Dominico Santiago The Great Defector Bertonsons Born In Latvia In 1993 To Parents Mary Jane Bertonsons and Adolf Thine Furher Bertonsons. Klavis Had A Very Rough Upbringing And Frequently Dipped Into A Life Of Crime Often Having To Deal Crack For Grocery Money To Keep His Heroin Addicted Parents Alive. This Upbringing Has Seemed To Have An Adverse Affect On Klavis'Mental Health.

At The Tender Age Of 10 He Left His Lucratve Life Of Crime And Began A Career In Grunge Metal. This Triggered A Spiral Of Intense Depression In The Child Sensation. His Career In Grunge Music Helped Take His Parents Off The Heroin And Straight Through College, Both Of Whom Graduated As Fully Qualified Chemists. After Becoming Chemists They Invented The Latvian Super Drug Fley Powder Which Is 20x Stronger Than Any Other Drug Known To Man. They Then Proceeded To Test The Drug On Each Other Which Lead To Their Downfalls. They Forgot Everything They Had Worked So Hard To achieve And Went Back To A Life Of Drugs And Prostitution.

Soon Klavis Parents Slipped Into A Drug Indused Coma And Upon Seeing This Klavis Packed His Satchel And Fled Latvia, Never To Set Foot On The Mother Lands Fertile Soils Again. Klavis Then Used His Powerful Arms And Legs To Swim To Ireland.

On Friday The 13th January 2006, The Boat Of A Man That Is Klavis Arrived In Dublin Bay Around Half Past One. Friendless, Pennyless And Visaless He Began His New Life In Ireland. Klaivis Quickly Sought Refuge In A Local Brothel Where He Began To Learn His New Trade As No.1 Pimp In Hoth Head. He Farmed Those Ho's Until He Could Afford A Bus Ticket To Baltinglass Co.Wicklow -"The Town Of Lost Dreams".

Klavis Used The Skills He Picked Up On The Mean Streets Of Hoth To Quickly Dispatch Of The Residents Of No.40 Latherleer. He Went All O.J on Their Candy Asses And Disposed Of Their Body's And Fetal Mater In The Nearby Slany River (Incedently Enough Where He Annualy Bathes On Very Rare Occasions).

After Settling In The House He Feasted On The Remenence And Pets The Previous Family Had Left Behind. This Provided Sustanance For A While But Soon He Needed To Seek A New Feeding Ground.

In September 2006 Klavis Enrolled At Scoil Chonglais Secondary School Where He Quickly Put His Street Skills And Extortive Nature To Good Use By Bullying His Way Through The Senior Section In The School. After This He Continued To Hunt The Smaller, Weaker Kids For Sport Like The Sexual Predator He Is. The Children Developed A Way To Avoid His Sexual Deviency By Listening For His Trademark Laugh Which Sounds Strangely Like The Name Of His Parents Super Drug. It Goes As Follows : Fley Fley Fley Fley. Also While He Is Performing His Laugh Or "Pre Hunting Ritual" -(As The Kids Called It) He Also Kept His Large Beast Like Hands Bolted Firmly On His Lower Back While Flicking His Tounge In And Out In A Mocking Fashion.

Klavis Is Also Famous For Holding The Human Walking Land Speed Record Which He Did With Ease By Using His Signature Robot Like Walk.

Presently Klaivis Stands As A Symbol Of Fear In The Town Of Baltinglass. He Has Enslaved Its People And Brought Fear To Its Various Wildlife. He Has Also Brought About A Tyrainic Rain Of Communism To The Small, Once Beautiful, Town Of Baltinglass.