Marriage vows

In a Christian or Christian-influenced civil ceremony, after the vows have been spoken, the celebrant traditionally instructs the couple to kiss

Wedding ceremony at Kiuruvesi Church in Kiuruvesi, Finland

Marriage vows are binding promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. Marriage customs have developed over history and keep changing as human society develops. In earlier times and in most cultures the consent of the partners has not had the importance now attached to it, at least in Western societies and those they have influenced.

Background

The authority required for the marriage to be legal comes either from the national law of the country or from a religious body. Vows can also be written by the couple, or poetry, lyrics or vows from a mixture of religious traditions used. However couples marrying in a house of worship or within a religious tradition are often constrained to use the standard vows of that tradition's ceremony.

Writing your own vows

Many couples today opt to write their own vows. Inspirations are often taken from poems, movies, or music. Vows usually consist of what characteristics each bring out in each other, what they look forward to in life, how their lives changed once they met. Vows tend to last 2 -3 minutes in length and are a public expression of love.

Traditional Roman Catholic vows

There is little leeway for a bride and groom to stamp their own mark on their Catholic wedding vows. Couples tying the knot in the Roman Catholic Church will essentially make the same pledge to one another. The customary text in English is:

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

The priest will then say aloud ‘You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. That God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.

Marriage vows in England

The law in England authorises marriages to be legal if properly carried out and registered in the Church of England and some other religious bodies (e.g. Jews, Quakers): other men and women who wish to marry can be married by a local official authorised to do so (civil ceremony). Circumstances may result in the same partners having both ceremonies at different times though this is rare. The vows, presence of witnesses and civil registration are absolute requirements under the law.

Civil ceremonies often allow couples to choose their own marriage vows, although many civil marriage vows are adapted from the traditional vows, taken from the Book of Common Prayer, "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."

They were first published in English in the prayer book of 1549, based on earlier Latin texts (the Sarum and York Rituals of the medieval period). An older version of the final phrase is "and to obey, until death us do depart" where "depart" means "separate". "Until death us do depart" had to be changed due to changes in the usage of "depart" in the Prayer Book of 1662. In the 1928 prayer book (not authorised) and in editions of the 1662 prayer book printed thereafter "and to obey" was retained (in the 1928 book an alternative version omitted this). The 1928 revised form of Matrimony was quite widely adopted, though the form of 1662 was also widely used, though less so after the introduction of the Alternative Service Book.

The original wedding vows, as printed in The Booke of Common Prayer, are:

Groom: I,____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance.

Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance.

Other well-known phrases from the Booke of Common Prayer are:

"Speak now or forever hold your peace" from the marriage liturgy. "Till death do us part", also from the marriage liturgy.

On September 12, 1922, the Episcopal Church voted to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows. Other churches of the Anglican Communion each have their own authorized prayer books which in general follow the vows described above though the details and languages used do vary.

Further reading

• Daniel, Evan (1948) The Prayer-Book; its history, language and contents; 26th ed. Redhill: Wells Gardner; pp. 491-96: The form of solemnization of matrimony

External links

• Church of England marriage service