Etiquette

For other uses, see Etiquette (disambiguation).

For Wikipedia's guidelines on etiquette, see Wikipedia:Etiquette.

In High-Change in Bond Street,—ou—la Politesse du Grande Monde (1796), James Gillray caricatured the lack of etiquette in a group of men leering at women and crowding them off a pavement.

Etiquette (pronounced [,eti'ket]) is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group. The French word étiquette, signifying ticket (of admission, etc.) first appeared in English in 1750.

Etymology

Like "culture", etiquette is a word that has gradually grown to become plural, especially in a multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to "an etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not be universal. In Britain, the word "etiquette" has been described as the one word that aptly describes life during the reign of queen Victoria.

Rules of etiquette

Rules of etiquette encompass most aspects of social interaction in any society, though the term itself is not commonly used. A rule of etiquette may reflect an underlying ethical code, or it may reflect a person's fashion or status. Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten, but aspects of etiquette have been codified from time to time.

Manners

Main article: Manners

"Etiquette tells one which fork to use. Manners tells one what to do when your neighbor doesn't"

Manners involve a wide range of social interactions within cultural norms as in the "comedy of manners", or a painter's characteristic "manner". Etiquette and manners, like mythology, have buried histories especially when they seem to have little obvious purpose, and their justifications as logical ("respect shown to others" etc.) may be equally revealing to the social historian.

Main article: Etiquette in North America

In the United States, the notion of etiquette, being of French origin and arising from practices at the court of Louis XIV, is occasionally disparaged, especially by those unfamiliar with etiquette's social foundations and functions, as old-fashioned or elite, a code concerned only with apparently remote directives such as "which fork to use". Some such individuals consider etiquette to be an unnecessary restriction of freedom of personal expression; others consider such a philosophy to be espoused only by the unschooled, the unmannerly and the rude. For instance, wearing pajamas to a wedding in a cathedral may indeed be an expression of the guest's freedom, but also may cause the bride and groom to suspect that the guest in pajamas is expressing amusement, disparagement, or disrespect towards them and their wedding. Etiquette may be enforced in pragmatic ways: "No shoes, no shirt, no service" is a notice commonly displayed outside stores and cafés in the warmer parts of North America. Others feel that a single, basic code shared by all makes life simpler and more pleasant by removing many chances for misunderstandings and by creating opportunities for courtesy and mutual respect.

The renowned global authority on etiquette and manners is Debrett's. Founded in England in 1769, its origins were in chronicling the British aristocracy and outlining the protocol for court and social occasions. The twenty first century Debrett's is much more contemporary and egalitarian, offering advice on a whole range of formal and informal etiquette on its comprehensive website and in printed form. Indeed their guides to manners and form have long been the last word among polite society. Traditional publications such as Correct Form have recently been updated to reflect contemporary society, and new titles such as A - Z of Modern Manners, Etiquette for Girls and Guide for the Modern Gentleman act as guides for those who want to combine a modern lifestyle with traditional values.

Western business etiquette

The etiquette of business is the set of written and unwritten rules of conduct that make social interactions run more smoothly. Office etiquette in particular applies to coworker interaction, excluding interactions with external contacts such as customers and suppliers. When conducting group meetings in the United States, the assembly might follow Robert's Rules of Order, if there are no other company policies to control a meeting.

Both office and business etiquette overlap considerably with basic tenets of netiquette, the social conventions for using computer networks. These rules are often echoed throughout an industry or economy. For instance, 49% of employers surveyed in 2005 by the American National Association of Colleges and Employers found that non-traditional attire would be a "strong influence" on their opinion of a potential job candidate.

Adjusting to foreign etiquettes is a major complement of culture shock, providing a market for manuals.

Cultural differences

Hunting Lice by Candlelight, Andries Both (Dutch, ca.1612/13–1641)

Etiquette is dependent on culture; what is excellent etiquette in one society may shock another. Etiquette evolves within culture. The Dutch painter Andries Both shows that the hunt for head lice (illustration, right), which had been a civilized grooming occupation in the early Middle Ages, a bonding experience that reinforced the comparative rank of two people, one groomed, one groomer, had become a peasant occupation by 1630. The painter portrays the familiar operation matter-of-factly, without the disdain this subject would have received in a nineteenth-century representation.

Etiquette can vary widely between different cultures and nations. In China, a person who takes the last item of food from a common plate or bowl without first offering it to others at the table may be seen as a glutton and insulting the generosity of the host. In America a guest is expected to eat all of the food given to them, as a compliment to the quality of the cooking.

In such rigid hierarchal cultures as Korea and Japan, alcohol helps to break down the strict social barrier between classes. It allows for a hint of informality to creep in. It is traditional for host and guest to take turns filling each other's cups and encouraging each other to gulp it down. For someone who does not consume alcohol (except for religious reasons), it can be difficult escaping the ritual of the social drink.

Etiquette is a topic that has occupied writers and thinkers in all sophisticated societies for millennia, beginning with a behavior code by Ptahhotep, a vizier in ancient Egypt's Old Kingdom during the reign of the Fifth Dynasty king Djedkare Isesi (ca. 2414–2375 B.C.). All known literate civilizations, including ancient Greece and Rome, developed rules for proper social conduct. Confucius included rules for eating and speaking along with his more philosophical sayings.

Early modern conceptions of what behavior identifies a "gentleman" were codified in the sixteenth century, in a book by Baldassare Castiglione, Il Cortegiano ("The Courtier"); its codification of expectations at the Este court remained in force in its essentials until World War I. Louis XIV established an elaborate and rigid court ceremony, but distinguished himself from the high bourgeoisie by continuing to eat, stylishly and fastidiously, with his fingers. An important book about etiquette is Galateo, overo de' costumi by Monsignor Giovanni della Casa; in fact, in Italian, etiquette is generally called galateo (or etichetta or protocollo).

As noted above, across the world, Debrett's is considered by many to be the arbiter of etiquette; its guides to manners and form have long been and continue to be the last word among polite society.

In the American colonies Benjamin Franklin and George Washington wrote codes of conduct for young gentlemen. The immense popularity of advice columns and books by Letitia Baldrige and Miss Manners shows the currency of this topic. Even more recently, the rise of the Internet has necessitated the adaptation of existing rules of conduct to create Netiquette, which governs the drafting of email, rules for participating in an online forum, and so on.

In Germany, there is an "unofficial" code of conduct, called the Knigge, based on a book of high rules of conduct written by Adolph Freiherr Knigge in the late 18th century entitled exactly Über den Umgang mit Menschen (On Human Relations). The code of conduct is still highly respected in Germany today and is used primarily in the higher society.

Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. The outward adoption of the superficial mannerisms of an in-group, in the interests of social advancement rather than a concern for others, is considered by many a form of snobbery, lacking in virtue.

See also

Etiquette and language

• Acrolect
• Basilect
• Honorific
• Netiquette
• Polite fiction
• Prescription and description
• Profanity
• Semantics
• Slang
• Slang dictionary
• Standard language
• Style of address
• T-V distinction
• What happens on tour, stays on tour

Etiquette and society

• Social graces
• Aliénor de Poitiers early documentor of French etiquette
• Concert etiquette
• Debrett's
• Diplomacy
• Faux pas, Faux pas derived from Chinese pronunciation
• Intercultural competence
• Levée, the English version of Louis XIV's morning rising etiquette (lever) at Versailles.
• Military courtesy
• Order of precedence
• Protocol
• Refinement, Psychology And Social Class
• Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation by George Washington
• Social Norms
• Table manners
• Work Etiquette
• Zigzag method

Worldwide Etiquette

• Africa
• Asia
• Australia and New Zealand
• Europe
• Latin America
• Middle East
• North America

Further reading

• The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette: 50th Anniversary Edition, by Nancy Tuckerman, Nancy Dunnan, and Amy Vanderbilt, Doubleday (1995), ISBN 0-385-41342-4, 786 pages: originally published in 1952, this and Emily Post's book were the U.S. etiquette bibles of the 50's-70's era.
• Debrett's Correct Form, by Debrett's Limited (updated 2010), 192 pages.
• Debrett's A - Z of Modern Manners, by Debrett's Limited (2008), 288 pages.
• Eye to Eye: How People Interact, by Peter Marsh, Salem House Publication, ISBN 0-8816-2371-7, 256 pages.
• From Clueless to Class Act, series of books on etiquette, by Jodi Smith deals with proper etiquette for men and women.
• The Little Book of Etiquette by Dorothea Johnson, Protocol School of Washington, Philadelphia/London, Running Press (1997)ISBN 978-0-7624-0009-6, 127 pages. A pocket-sized, take-along reference book for the user's convenience.
• Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated, by Judith Martin, illustrated by Gloria Kanem, W.W. Norton & Co. (2005), ISBN 0-393-05874-3, 858 pages.
• New Manners for New Times: A Complete Guide to Etiquette, by Letitia Baldrige, New York: Scribner, 2003, ISBN 0-7432-1062-X, 709 pages.
• The Power of Handshaking for Peak Performance Worldwide by Robert E. Brown and Dorothea Johnson, Protocol School of Washington, Capital Books, Inc., Herndon, Virginia (2004), ISBN 1-931868-88-3, 98 pages.
• Secrets of Seasoned Professionals: They learned the hard way so you don't have to, by Kelly A. Tyler, Fired Up Publishing (2008), ISBN 978-0-9818298-0-7, 146 pages.
• Town & Country Modern Manners: The Thinking Person's Guide to Social Graces, by Thomas P. Farley, Hearst Books (September 2005), ISBN 1-58816-454-3, 256 pages.
• Manners That Sell: Adding the Polish that Builds Profits, by Lydia Ramsey, Longfellow Press (2007), 978-0967001203, 188 pages.
• Socially Smart in 60 Seconds: Etiquette Do's and Don'ts for Personal and Professional Success", by Deborah Smith Pegues, Harvest House Publishers (2009), ISBN 978-0-7369-2050-6.
• The Britiquette Series: The Must-Have Guide to Posh Nosh Table Manners (66 pages) and The Slightly Rude But Much Needed Guide to Social Grace & Good Manners (101 pages), by Elaine Grace, (2007), (EBooks).
• Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for Success at Work by Jacqueline Whitmore, St. Martin's Press (2005), ISBN 0312338090, 198 pages.

External links

• Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home, by Emily Post (1922)
• Debrett's
• Tips About Cross-cultural Etiquette on Glimpse.org
• Defining Modern Etiquette
• World Business Etiquette Guides
• Etiquette, Manners and Correct Forms of Address