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== Drake recovering the phurba ==

The way it is written now, I think it is just a little incoherent. One sentence it says that Drake has survived a train wreck, the next it says there is a flashback and Drake decides to take part in a heist. Then the very next sentence it goes back to the present in the train wreck again. A sentence referring to a flashback four months ago sandwiched within two sentences that are referring to events in the present. And then in the next paragraph, it goes back to the events four months ago again. It just doesn't flow well.

The way it was written earlier, I didn't find any problem with it. It flows much better in my opinion. We don't need to tell the story in the plot section in the same exact order as it is in the game, scene for scene. It only needs to convey the arc of the story. What's more, after Drake's shot the propane tanks and the train falls down the cliff, there is the cutscene where Drake recovers the phurba (the phurba pick-up scene is shown twice in the game), so putting the part where Drake picks up the phurba in the middle of the plot section would follow the order as it is told in the game anyway. The important thing is, I found the earlier version reads much better than the one as it is now. [[Special:Contributions/130.216.213.184|130.216.213.184]] ([[User talk:130.216.213.184|talk]]) 02:37, 1 October 2010 (UTC)

Revision as of 02:37, 1 October 2010

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Drake recovering the phurba

The way it is written now, I think it is just a little incoherent. One sentence it says that Drake has survived a train wreck, the next it says there is a flashback and Drake decides to take part in a heist. Then the very next sentence it goes back to the present in the train wreck again. A sentence referring to a flashback four months ago sandwiched within two sentences that are referring to events in the present. And then in the next paragraph, it goes back to the events four months ago again. It just doesn't flow well.

The way it was written earlier, I didn't find any problem with it. It flows much better in my opinion. We don't need to tell the story in the plot section in the same exact order as it is in the game, scene for scene. It only needs to convey the arc of the story. What's more, after Drake's shot the propane tanks and the train falls down the cliff, there is the cutscene where Drake recovers the phurba (the phurba pick-up scene is shown twice in the game), so putting the part where Drake picks up the phurba in the middle of the plot section would follow the order as it is told in the game anyway. The important thing is, I found the earlier version reads much better than the one as it is now. 130.216.213.184 (talk) 02:37, 1 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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