Road to Europe

Road to Europe (originally called European Road Show) is an episode of Family Guy that first aired February 7, 2002.

Written by Daniel Palladino, directed by Dan Povenmire. Guest starring the members of KISS (Gene Simmons, Peter Criss, Ace Frehley, and Paul Stanley) as themselves.

Plot summary

Stewie is entranced by a TV programme called Jolly Farm Revue (a parody of children's shows such as the Teletubbies). Lamenting his future in Quahog, Stewie decides to travel to Jolly Farm and live there forever. He sneaks aboard an intercontinental flight, intending to travel to London and find the BBC (where Jolly Farm is filmed). Brian chases after him, only to discover that they have landed in Saudi Arabia instead. Stewie and Brian perform a musical number together as a diversion in order to steal a camel, which dies from exhaustion in the middle of the desert. At a nearby Comfort Inn, they steal a hot air balloon and gradually make their way to Vatican City, then travel by train from Switzerland to Munich and get inadvertently stoned in Amsterdam. Upon finally arriving at the BBC studios, Stewie is horrified to learn that there is no actual farm and his beloved characters are mere actors. Disillusioned, he travels back home with Brian and replaces his love of Jolly Farm Revue with a love of "funky fruit hats".

Peter is overjoyed to hear about KISS-stock, a five-night set of concerts in New England by his favorite band. He and Lois dress in face paint and leather, and stand only feet from the stage. When Gene Simmons points the microphone at Lois, encouraging her to sing the next line of Rock and Roll All Night, Peter is humiliated to discover that she does not know the words. He accuses her of only pretending to be a KISS enthusiast, and they leave the concerts in disgrace. To punish himself, Peter stops at a Denny's on the way home, where KISS happens to have also stopped. Lois recognizes Chaim Witz, who she dated before he changed his name to Gene Simmons; Gene introduces her to the rest of the band, who have heard Gene's stories of "Loose Lois". Peter's faith in Lois is restored, and he proudly shares the news on public-access television that his wife did KISS.

Cultural references

• This episode's theme is similar to Road to Rhode Island, a Brian/Stewie road-trip caper from Series 2. The starting credits are similar in style to the ones seen in Looney Tunes cartoons from the 1960s.
• Dennis DeYoung, former lead singer of the band Styx, calls into to KISS forum to badmouth KISS. The host threatens to play the Styx’s 1977 hit “Come Sail Away” and then KISS’ 1976 song “Detroit Rock City” to see how they compare.
• For an inexplicable reason, Peter thinks he lives in French Polynesia
• Peter compares the sound of one of his farts to the music of jazz trumpeter Louis Armstrong.
• When sneaking onto the plane with the British family, Stewie gives a stream of mumblings to sound British. He references the London theater Royal Albert Hall, the London Underground subway system, the rock group the Dave Clark Five and “a baby’s arm holding an apple” a British slang term for a large penis [1].
• Stewie's quick two-armed salute before boarding the plane is a parody of U.S. President Richard Nixon's infamous salute to the public after he resigned in 1974.
• On the plane, Stewie and Brian appear to be seated next to 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney and comedians Jerry Seinfeld and Andy Dick after asking how the trip could get any worse.
• A peddler in the Arabian village advertises Dude, My Car is Not Where I Parked It But Praise Allah We Are Not Hurt, either an Arabic translation or remake of the 2000 comedy film Dude, Where's My Car?
• During their musical number, Brain compares Stewie’s hair to that of Peanuts character Charlie Brown and Stewie compares Brian to Brown’s beagle Snoopy. The song also references Latin pop star Ricky Martin, French writer the Marquis de Sade and Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, a puppet character from Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
• Brian slices open the camel's belly to save Stewie from the cold, much like Han Solo did with his Tauntaun to warm Luke in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.
• When learning that Middle Easterners only heard 1980s rock music recently, Stewie pities them once they have to “suffer through” Jesus Jones, a British band best known for the 1991 hit “Right Here, Right Now.”
• On a train in Switzerland, Stewie remarks that he sees American actor Tom Bosley. Brian questions what Tom Bosley would be doing on a train in Switzerland, to which Stewie has no response.
• While on a bus top tour of Munich, Germany, Brian notes that the tour company’s brochure includes no information on German history from 1939 to 1945. Of course, these are the years World War II. Brian and the tour guide also argue about German novelist Thomas Mann. Brian is correct that he fled to the United States in 1939, while the guide insists he left to manage a Dairy Queen restaurant, although Dairy Queen was not founded until 1940.
• In Amsterdam, the capital of the Netherlands, Stewie and Brian wander into De Wallen, its red light district where, due to the country’s lax drug laws, marijuana is freely smoked in coffee houses.
• Peter and Lois meet KISS at a Denny's restaurant.
• Lois mumbles that she also slept with glam rocker J. Geils
• After KISS Forum ends a show dedicated to the science fiction television series Battlestar Galactica begins.

Quotes

• Gene Simmons: (on a television commercial) If you're a KISS fan, and you live in the Northeast come out for all five shows of what we're calling "KISS-Stock."
  Peter: Hell, the Northeast? It's times like this I curse the fact that we live in French Polynesia.
• Meg: I can't believe my stupid parents are gonna spend five days following stupid old KISS around. It's painful.
  Peter: Not as much as a tire iron upside your head.
  Meg: What?
  Peter: I'll miss you.
• Brian: Great. I'm stuck on a transatlantic flight with a petulant runaway. How could this get any worse?
  Andy Rooney: You know what I hate about flying? The peanuts. First of all, you can't get them open. Who are they trying to keep out of these things?
  Jerry Seinfeld: And what's the deal with the razor-blade slot in the bathroom? Are people actually shaving in there?
  Andy Dick: Hi, Andy Dick here. Excuse me. I've got to get my bag up in the overhead bin here. (luggage falls out all over him) Wow, that's wacky!
• Middle Eastern Vendor: Hey, Americans. You like movies? I got "Dude, My Car Is Not Where I Parked It, But, Praise Allah, We Are Not Hurt" (a parody of "Dude, Where's My Car?").
• German Tour Guide: Besides its beautiful, historic architecture, Munich was the home of many great writers, such as Thomas Mann. You will find more on Germany's contribution to art in the pamphlets we've provided.
  Brian: Yeah, about your pamphlet... I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
  Tour Guide: Everyone was on vacation! On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
  Brian: Wait, wait. What are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
  Tour Guide: (screaming frantically) We were invited! Punch was served! Check with Poland!
  Brian: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
  Tour Guide: No, no, he left to manage a Dairy Queen.
  Brian: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
  Tour Guide: I WILL HEAR NO MORE INSINUATIONS ABOUT THE GERMAN PEOPLE!! NOTHING BAD HAPPENED!! (begins shouting in German)- SIE WERDEN SICH HINSETZEN, SIE WERDEN RUHIG SEIN, (raises his hand in Nazi salute) SIE WERDEN NICHT BELEIDIGEN DEUTSCHLAND!!!
  Brian: (hesitantly) Uh, is that a beer hall?
  Tour Guide: (cheerfully) Oh, yes! Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls...
• Peter: Your faux pas last night at the concert was so upsetting I called a university professor to tell me what phrase to use to describe it. Professor (over the phone): Faux pas.
  Peter: Thanks, Professor!