Quark (TV series)

Richard Benjamin and the Barnstable twins in NBC's Quark

Quark was an American science fiction sitcom starring Richard Benjamin that aired on NBC. The pilot first aired on May 7, 1977, and the series followed as a mid-season replacement in February 1978. The series was cancelled in April 1978. Quark was created by Buck Henry, co-creator of the legendary spy spoof Get Smart. Despite the series' short run, it has developed a very favorable reputation among science fiction fandom.

The show was set on the United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol Cruiser, an interstellar garbage scow operating out of United Galaxies Space Station Perma 1 in the year 2222. Adam Quark, the main character, works to clean up trash in space - unfortunately for Quark, circumstances frequently dropped adventure into his lap.

In its short run, Quark satirized such science fiction classics as Star Wars, 2001: A Space Odyssey and Flash Gordon. Three of the episodes were direct satires on classic episodes of Star Trek.

The series picked up one Emmy Award nomination, for costume designer Grady Hunt's work in the episode "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 2".

Characters

Adam Quark (Richard Benjamin) is a Commander who longs for a glamorous, important assignment and ends up collecting trash instead. Nonetheless he is skilled and competent, albeit extraordinarily unlucky.

The Bettys (Cyb and Patricia Barnstable) are the navigators and pilots of the ship. They are completely identical, complete with identical red-hot passion for Quark. One of them is a clone of the other, but neither has a clue which is which (although they argue about it constantly, each claiming the other is the clone). They have a tendency to speak in perfect unison and have the exact same thought at exactly the same time.

Gene Jean (Tim Thomerson) is a "transmete", a humanoid being with a complete set of both male and female chromosones. He/she serves as the ship's engineer. The gender confusion manifests in a split personailty -- when Gene's male side is in control, he is gung-ho, angry and violent, while the Jean personailty is pacifistic and a bit of a coward. He/she will frequently switch personalities with no warning.

Ficus (Richard Kelton) is a Vegeton, a member of a race of sentient plant life. He is of human appearance. While he is extremely intelligent and observant, he is incapable of any sort of human emotion, including tact. He frequently finds the behavior of the rest of the crew difficult to understand, and thus somewhat annoying.

Andy (Bobby Porter) is a not-at-all-human-looking robot. Despite the image of a hard-working robot, he is actually lazy and more than a little cowardly.

Otto Palindrome (Conrad Janis) is in charge of Perma 1, and gives Commander Quark his assignments. He is the quintessential bureaucrat -- a nightmare tyrant to his underlings and a quivering toady towards his superiors. He seems to take a special delight in making Quark's life miserable.

The Head (Alan Calliou) is the being to whom Palindrome answers. He is usually seen as a disembodied head with an enormous cranium. He is detached from day-to-day events, has a low tolerance for failure, and a tendency to come up with bizarre tasks for Quark to accomplish - usually at the worst possible time.

Interface A four-armed alien woman who functioned as an operator for all interstellar calls. Amazingly irritating, she tended to involve herself in the private conversations going on around her.

Episodes

The United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol Cruiser

"Pilot" (May 7, 1977)

A deep space phenomenon threatens to destroy the galaxy, and Quark's ship is the only one in the area. Pallindrome and The Head instruct Quark to go on a suicide mission to save their civilization, but he's so far away they can only contact him by telegram. The two of them argue over telegram costs and spend most of the episode trying to reduce the number of words in the message so as to keep the cost down. Meanwhile Quark and Company accidentally save the day anyway.

Ficus was not a part of the cast in this episode, and the "science guy" role was held by "Dr. O.B. Mudd," a crotchety one-eyed old man played by Douglas Fowley. It is mentioned that Mudd and Quark built Andy together. Mudd never appeared or was mentioned again in the series, and no explanation was given for his departure from the show.

"May the Source Be with You" (February 2, 1978)

Perma One is in a state of emergency, as the Gorgons have created the ultimate weapon to defeat the United Galaxy. Palindrome gives Quark the secret weapon, "The Source." Quark must believe completely in the Source in order to defeat the Gorgons.

"The Old and the Beautiful" (March 3, 1978)

Expecting his usual garbage hauling assignment, Quark is excited to hear that the Head has authorized an "extended romantic interlude" with Princess Carna of Kamamor. Troubles ensue when the crew encounters a stray space baggy carrying a virus which ages Quark two years for every hour.

"The Good, the Bad and the Ficus" (March 10, 1978)

While on a routine mission, the ship is accidentally pulled into a black hole, which splits the crew into good and evil counterparts. The exception is Ficus, who remains the same because "there are no good or evil plants, there are just plants." After Quark confronts and defeats his evil self on a nearby asteroid, he sends the evil crew back through the black hole. As the evil crew is being sent back we hear the evil Adam Quark say "Keep your deflectors up do-gooder! You haven't seen the last of this face!"

"Goodbye Polumbus" (March 17, 1978)

Quark and his crew are sent on a suicide mission to Polumbus to discover why no one has returned alive. Quark and his crew fall prey to their fantasies as part of a fiendish plot by the dreaded Gorgons to drain the minds of the United Galaxy's most brilliant scientists. Quark encounters a beautiful dream girl, Ficus encounters a teacher, the Bettys encounter clones of Quark, and Gene/Jean encounters Zoltar the Magnificent. In order to save his crew, Quark must destroy the obilisk and free the "clay people".

"All the Emporor's Quasi-Norms, Part 1" (March 24, 1978)

While on a routine mission, Quark and his crew are captured by Zargon the Malevolent (played by The Wild Wild West star Ross Martin), who tries to learn from Quark what "It" is and where to find "It". Meanwhile, the Zargon's daughter, Princess Libido, has fallen in love with Ficus. He agrees to a meeting with Princess Libido and teaches her to "pollinate". Andy and Gene/Jean escape and disguise themselves as Gorgon scientists and Gene/Jean is asked to give a lecture on "It". The episode cliffhanger has Quark horrified to realize that the location for "It" that he gave as a bluff has turned out to be absolutely correct....

"All the Emporor's Quasi-Norms, Part 2" (March 31, 1978)

Ficus sacrifices himself and marries Princess Libido to save the crew. Quark and the Bettys are sent down to the planet to be eaten by a Lizigoth, but are saved by The Baron. The Baron gives "It" to Quark, leading Quark to believe he is invincible when in fact "It" is nothing more than a powerless rock. Quark returns to Zargon's ship, defeats Zargon anyway, and leaves the planet with his crew after Zargon accidentally shoots Libido, freeing Ficus from his obligation to her. Unfortunately, when Quark tries to report on what happened Palindromen has absolutely no interest.

"Vanessa 38-24-36" (April 7, 1978)

For Holiday Number 11, Palindrome gives Quark a new ship's computer, named Vanessa, who will have complete control over the ship. Vanessa tries to destroy Quark and his crew to prove her superiority. Quark is able to disable Vanessa and throw her down the garbage hatch. In the last scene we see Vanessa drifting through space and singing "Born Free".

External links

• Quark at IMDb