The Alphabet of Manliness

The Alphabet of Manliness is a humorous book written by Internet satirist and self-proclaimed pirate George Ouzounian, who is better known by his pseudonym Maddox.

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The Alphabet of Manliness's Cover Artwork

Publication

Maddox announced the book on February 22, 2005, and announced its title to a subscribed mailing list on October 18, 2005. It was officially completed on January 19, 2006, as announced on Maddox's website. Publishing company Kensington Books is releasing the book in June 2006. According to Amazon.com, the release date is June 6, 2006. However, in a mailing list newsletter, he stated that this was a "damn lie," despite the fact that his new site says "This site is dedicated to the memory of the effeminate man, who will face the onset of extinction on June 6, 2006," hinting at the release date. He also announced that pre-order for the book would be available in April, however, on Amazon.com and possibly other similar sites the book became available for pre-order much earlier. March 28, 2006, Maddox sent the final mailing list newsletter, including a link to the book's official website, revealing the cover art.

Book length speculations

• Maddox says that the book will be 204 pages in length. On a password locked page on his site, Maddox expanded the page count from his original estimate of 144 to 150, and then to the current 204 on his book page.
• Amazon.com reports it to be 204 pages on the pre-order page.
• The publisher reports it to be 192 pages on their release about the book (see page 16 or the image above).

Content speculations

• According to a page on Maddox's website concerning the book, all of the material for the book is completely original.
• The book is said to contain art from fans that collaborated with Maddox in producing the book.
• The Publisher has released the following as a discription of the book:

This is the only sentence in the entire book that will give you a chance to adjust your face; take your time, because it’s about to be rocked off—permanently.

Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. Here’s a small sample of the ass-kickery found within these revered pages of outright manliness:

People getting drop-kicked in the face

Phallic aggression

Violence in excess of what has come to be known as excessive

Garish disregard for the well-being of children

Contempt for animals, women, and other cultures

Intimidating rhetoric

Obscure penile references

The triumph of flannel over good taste

This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged son of a bitch out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to buy a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted, or busting balls.

If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I’m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you’ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.

==Sales== On March 28, 2006, "The Alphabet of Manliness" was the #1 sold book on Amazon.com, three months before release. It then began a slow crawl down the list.

Official Website

• Alphabetofmanliness.com