Talk:Korean beauty standards

First Round of Feedback

@Ayi1016: Greetings! Good start to this article. You've got some good stuff here. That said, I'm really concerned with a few things about the article and it's really not ready to be published yet:

• This article is currently written like an essay, not like an encyclopedia article. Check out the article on physical attractiveness for an example. You need to write about a thing in the world not make an argument. It's not even clear to me what the specific concept you are talking about here is. What will the title of the article be? Write that word in bold letters in the first sentence.
• As I said when you proposed this, you need to keep the article factual and neutral.
• You need to establish the notability of this topic using reliable sources. You've got some references here which is good. Perhaps once you work on the text, the degree to which these establish notability will be useful.

As I mentioned when you suggested this, I think this is a challenging topic to write an encyclopedic article about. Keep working on it and let me know if you need help! —mako๛ 19:59, 23 October 2015 (UTC)

More Feedback

@Ayi1016: I can see you moved the article live. I think your edits have improved things but I think there's still a sense that the draft reads a bit more like an essay than article and there are still a sense that I think you should work on an encyclopedic WP:TONE. Focus on the facts about beauty standards in Korea. If somebody knew nothing about they topic, they would what expect this article not just to tell them that beauty standards are important in Korea but they would want to know what beauty standards in Korea entail. Can you try to edit this article to make it more focused on facts (and backed up with references) in this way? —mako๛ 02:23, 27 October 2015 (UTC)

So I made some changes and hopefully this is what you are looking for... I'll keep on editing if it needs more work. Would you prefer if I moved my article back to my sandbox? 

AmyAyi1016 (talk) 04:05, 27 October 2015 (UTC)

@Ayi1016: It's interesting article Amy! I added culture pressure section because I think Korean beauty standard has been changed due to pressures that students and young women facing. If you can find pictures relate to this topic, it would be much great!