User:Davidgrayskies/Slaughterhouse Day

Slaughterhouse Day
Observed by	Ancient Geeks
Type	Historical
Observances	Remembrance of the departure of Slaughterhouse Jim
Date	December 2, 3, or 4

Slaughterhouse Day is an ancient Geek day of observance held in honor of the semi-mythical figure "Slaughterhouse" Jim, the eldest of the Gordians, father of the major processes and procedures of the Gordian practices.

Observance

The exact inception of Slaughterhouse Day is unknown, but early festival records have been found dating back to at least 2011 CE. Originally just a small moment of remembrance, over many years its popularity grew until it became a week-long extravaganza in the remaining suburban areas of Northern Jersey. Modern celebrants honor the day with the traditional draping of the Peruvian flag over a symbolic workstation altar. Those who observe the day more traditionally will often perform hours of ritualized wailing , followed by the Feast of Mantis Reorganization.

In some orders, a member will be chosen prior to Slaughterhouse Day to arrange the distribution of an appropriate ceremonial uniform to the others. All members must wear whatever is given them.

The customary greeting for the occasion is a "Do you remember Jim?", which is followed by, "Jim? Who is Jim?". Then both participants endeavor to look sad, and intone, "Oh... Slaughterhouse", and hug it out. This ritual originally had prophetic origins. The prophesy was fulfilled on August 29, 2014, when the Spirit of Slaughterhouse, rumored to still appear from time to time, visited an unsuspecting I. Damron in the wee pre-market hours of the morning. Damron did not know his name and had to later inquire about the identity of the visitor.

There is no singing allowed on Slaughterhouse Day.

It is considered poor form to say, "Happy Slaughterhouse Day", as Slaughterhouse Day is more a day of remembrance and observance and not a day of celebration. Rituals for Slaughterhouse Day are elaborate, but never joyful.

Date of Observation

Once per century, in the 13th year of the century it is considered unlucky to observe Slaughterhouse Day on the actual date of its occurrence, and it is observed on the following day. In the event that the 13th year also has a November with 5 Saturdays it is observed two days later to avoid angering the spirits.

See also

• Trogdor
• Feast of Fools
• Hugging

References

Further reading

• Linger, N. "Life and Leisure in Ancient Geek" p PI
• Varon, A. "Religions of Geekdom. Vol XX A Source Book"
• Allers, A. 1792 p 205-7. And the Oxford Classical Dictionary sv. Slaughterhouse Day.
• Powers, D. "Geek Leisure" course handout, University of St. Jane, March 2005.
• Cauldwell, B. "The Life and Times of New Jersey", chapter 4
• McArthur, J. "Handbook of Classical Functional Gord"
• Mclaughlin, S. "Slaughterhouse: History and Celebration"
• Damron, I. "A Brief History of Today"
• Astapov, D. "Traffic Patterns Worldwide"
• Grundmann, B. "On the Superiority of German Holidays"
• Grasso, A. "Shoes for Boats"
• Ehrlich, S. "Feast Without Eating - Festivals During Lean Times"
• O'Brien, C. "The Underground Guide to Shoes for Boats"
• Wang, ? "Born On Any Given Day"
• Barbin, M. "Ironclad - The Rise And Fall of CR"
• Scvortov, A. "A Serious Work About Serious Topics"
• Gadd, M. "A Proper Englishman's Guide to England's Most English Englandisms"
• Defabbia-Kane, S. "Rants From the Front (Letters From the War)"
• Heuzard, H. "DKB -- Yoga under R₃COH"
• Uecker, J. "Crazy! The Biography of Jako The Large (c. 800 b.c.e)"
• Oury, N. "Existential: Holidays That Can't Be Fully Typed"
• Jara, R. "From Letters to Numbers, A Journey"
• Gros, N. "Full Frontal Coding (With Style)"
• Rosolek, R. "The Seeing Eye - Celebrations Under Surveillance"
• Liu, J. "How to raise a 7-year-old cat named Joy"
• Weinschenk, E.
• Braibant, T.
• Theocharis, F.
• Westfield, B.
• Wolter, M.
• Szucs, S.
• Gavran, Z.
• Kizner, M.
• Xue, D.
• Heuzard, H.
• Rastall, M.
• Collins, N.
• Doss, M.