Talk:Ben Affleck/GA3: Difference between revisions

Browse history interactively

← Previous edit Next edit →

Content deleted Content added

VisualWikitext

Inline

Revision as of 13:52, 7 April 2017

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Numerounovedant (talk · contribs) 12:44, 3 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

So, I guess it'll be me reviewing this after all. I'll go through the review section-wise, will put up the first batch of comments soon. NumerounovedantTalk 12:44, 3 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Popeye191 (talk) 14:43, 4 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The article is very thorough, and well substantiated, as it stands now, I have been through every section other than the Film Career, which might take take some time, and some concerns:

The Lead doesn't really establish much of a narrative, and feels more like cluttered list of his credits. You might want to restructure it in accordance woth the manual of style. It's missing any mention of his early life, some of his prominent roles might need more attention and the first paragraph should be split into two/ the latter half can be merged into the second paragraph. Try to cut down on some roles to avoid cluttering.

I've had a go at rewording the lead - added an introductory sentence, where he grew up, removed some films. Let me know if it's what you meant. The Atlantic summed up his career with this line: "Like many Hollywood actors, Ben Affleck’s career has been defined by epic highs and sweeping lows—over more than 20 years, he’s been an indie darling, a marquee idol, a comic-book superhero two times over, an Academy Award-winning director, and the star of critical and financial flops like Daredevil, Jersey Girl, and Gigli." Popeye191 (talk) 13:52, 7 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Throughout the article, you use the phrase In X year, (at times in quick succession). You might want to rephrase the sentences in parts, here is a quick example. When an article reads in a repetitive fashion, it tends to sound monotonous as the reader progresses. While with an article this huge repetiton is unavoidable, we can still keep it to the minimum.

I'll keep offering some minor copy-edits as we progress. Cheers. NumerounovedantTalk 11:47, 6 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@@ Line 12: / Line 12: @@
 The article is very thorough, and well substantiated, as it stands now, I have been through every section other than the ''Film Career'', which might take take some time, and some concerns:
 :*The Lead doesn't really establish much of a narrative, and feels more like cluttered list of his credits. You might want to restructure it in accordance woth the [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Biographies manual of style]. It's missing any mention of his early life, some of his prominent roles might need more attention and the first paragraph should be split into two/ the latter half can be merged into the second paragraph. Try to cut down on some roles to avoid cluttering.
-:: I've had a go at rewording the lead - added an introductory sentence, where he grew up, removed some films. Let me know if it's what you meant. [https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/06/the-joys-and-hidden-insights-of-ben-afflecks-armageddon-commentary/487961/ The Atlantic] summed up his career with this line: "Like many Hollywood actors, Ben Affleck’s career has been defined by epic highs and sweeping lows—over more than 20 years, he’s been an indie darling, a marquee idol, a comic-book superhero two times over, an Academy Award-winning director, and the star of critical and financial flops like Daredevil, Jersey Girl, and Gigli."
+::: I've had a go at rewording the lead - added an introductory sentence, where he grew up, removed some films. Let me know if it's what you meant. [https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2016/06/the-joys-and-hidden-insights-of-ben-afflecks-armageddon-commentary/487961/ The Atlantic] summed up his career with this line: "Like many Hollywood actors, Ben Affleck’s career has been defined by epic highs and sweeping lows—over more than 20 years, he’s been an indie darling, a marquee idol, a comic-book superhero two times over, an Academy Award-winning director, and the star of critical and financial flops like Daredevil, Jersey Girl, and Gigli." [[User:Popeye191|Popeye191]] ([[User talk:Popeye191|talk]]) 13:52, 7 April 2017 (UTC)
 :*Throughout the article, you use the phrase In X year, (at times in quick succession). You might want to rephrase the sentences in parts, here is a [https://en.wikipedia.org/enwiki/w/index.php?title=Ben_Affleck&type=revision&diff=774115342&oldid=774096492 quick example]. When an article reads in a repetitive fashion, it tends to sound monotonous as the reader progresses. While with an article this huge repetiton is unavoidable, we can still keep it to the minimum.
 I'll keep offering some minor copy-edits as we progress. Cheers. <small><span style="background:#132639; padding:2px">[[User:Numerounovedant|<font color="white">Numerounovedant</font>]]</span><span style="background: #FFD200;padding:2px">[[User talk:Numerounovedant|<font color="black">Talk</font>]]</span></small> 11:47, 6 April 2017 (UTC)