Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/DJ AM/archive1

DJ AM

DJ AM (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

• Featured article candidates/DJ AM/archive1

Nominator(s): Freikorp (talk) 09:17, 22 October 2017 (UTC)

This article is about a DJ who had a short but very interesting and tragic life. Article is GA and has recently received a peer review and copyedit. Freikorp (talk) 09:17, 22 October 2017 (UTC)

Images appear to be appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:25, 22 October 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47

• In this sentence (During four years in his early twenties he focused solely on drug use and deejaying.), there should be a comma after “twenties”.
• In this sentence (In 2006 he accepted a $1 million), add a comma after “2006”.
• In this phrase (After watching Herbie Hancock perform "Rockit" ), I would specify that “Rockit” was a song recorded by Herbie Hancock to avoid a potential misreading of this being a cover or something. I think that the following short descriptive phrase in front of “Rockit” (his 1983 single) would be beneficial.
• Could you possibly clarify the following phrase (for his treatment of younger patients) by adding more context? How did he treat the younger patients?
• In the first mention of Alcoholics Anonymous, I would spell out the acronym and put it in parenthesis next to it to make the meaning clear.
• In this phrase (help other addicts, sponsoring them and taking them to meetings), I would remove the comma and add “by” as I think that would make the sentence stronger.
• In this phrase (impressed with Goldstein's performance there), I do not think the “there” is necessary.
• I would add the year in which “Butterfly” was released.
• In this phrase (in 2003 he weighed), add a comma after “2003”.
• In the phrase (The crash killed both crew members and the other two passengers), did we know the identities of the other two passengers?
• In this phrase (Following the crash, the show's producer Cheryl Sirulnick, said), I do not believe the comma after “Sirulnick” is necessary.
• In this phrase (Shortly thereafter Goldstein leaves the building,), add a comma after “thereafter”.
• Remove the link to “cocaine” in the “Death” section as it was already linked in a previous section.
• In the “Filmography” table, I would change “2005–2007” to “2005, 2007” as he appeared in only one episode in 2005 and one in 2007. The original phrasing gives off the impression that he consistently appeared from 2005 to 2007.
• In the same table, do you think that you should also clarify he was the host of Gone Too Far?
• Do you think information on DJ AM”s collaboration with Samantha Ronson for Challah and Challah Back should be mentioned in the body of the article? Right now, she is only listed in associated acts, put in the discography, and a brief note on her appearance at his funeral.
• You mentioned that he scratched on an album for Madonna, though it is not included in the “Discography” section.
• Do you think that Downtown Calling should be mentioned in the body of the article? It is currently only brought up in the “Filmography” section.

Great work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this for promotion. Aoba47 (talk) 15:27, 22 October 2017 (UTC)