User talk:Saherdaredia/sandbox

Hi there, Glad you found a stub article for you to contribute to! Nice job on both selection and evaluation. Also, yes, it is important to gain a cultural understanding of your area before aiming to critique or ameliorate it. -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 00:14, 8 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Scholarly Sources

Hi Saher! Nice findings for scholarly sources. I assume there are two for Area and two for Sector? Can you break up this section with the proper headings, please? - Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 19:01, 15 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Marbrisa's Peer Review

Area: Healthcare in Pakistan

Good for reinstating what the ministry of national regulations being reinstated meant. I know it’s just the introductory section and you could go more in depth about it in a later section but I think it might be helpful to include a little more in that sentence especially on what the policies were. For example: “... reinstating a federal body to provide health services and implement healthcare policies such as ____, _____, and ______ that allowed _____.” Otherwise it seems like it’s a fact but there’s no significance or importance to that fact.

Healthcare Delivery System of Pakistan You didn’t draft anything on this section but I think it has a lot of room for edit and you can look into that as you continue looking for scholarly resources. What is the healthcare delivery system? What structure is it talking about? This last part just seems a little out of place and as if it was just put in there without other context so you can look into editing this part and adding more information or maybe even removing it if you don’t think it’s important or relevant.

Community medicine section Really great first paragraph. You have a very neutral one and are just stating the facts. As you continue to do more research though you can elaborate on how the goals of the program are being met and you can even provide a case study which might allow you to dive deeper into the specific place where you will be doing your PE. You’re talking about several different programs here right? I would maybe keep them all in separate paragraphs and give a couple sentences as an into stating that there are several programs implemented and then make a paragraph for each. Great and informative section on the Health Ladies! I also like that you crossed out the bullet point which has very little information and you’ve replaced it with a very comprehensive explanation of who the health ladies are, how they take on that role, what they do, and how they help the communities.

Healthcare delivery system section For the first sentence, maybe you can look at the Constitution of Pakistan in your future research and quote exactly what is says to deem healthcare services a responsibility of the state so that based on the information you provide later, the reader can see and make their own conclusions of whether the current practices actually parallel with the constitution or not. “...operating in the informal sector” -- could you define what the informal sector is? I think it’d be a good place to elaborate a little more even just by defining the term since many readers won’t even know what that means (Just from reading it, I don’t know what it means as compared to the public sector).

Sector: Community Health

The first sentence is a very essay-like sentence and doesn’t give much factual information. You can delete that and start with “Access to community health in the Global South is influenced by…”

“While private care is characterized by … often unqualified and untrained” sentence Also, very essay like. These might be facts but you can separate them into two sentences as 2 different facts and CITE them!

Fees for public healthcare services You can move this sentence more towards the beginning or middle of the paragraph as it kind of gives context to the other things about poverty that you’re stating. Disregard this if it’s not even related to that.

“Interventions with community health workers have been shown to improve access to primary health care and quality of care in developing countries through reduced malnutrition rates, improved maternal and child health, prevention and management of HIV/AIDS, and infectious disease management” -- you should cite where you got this information from nd elaborate on HOW (through what actions or policies) have community health workers achieved these things.

In the next sentences you talk about improving” - how did they improve? What are they doing differently. Hopefully you can find that information in th article that you cited already (17) or you can look for information as you look at more scholarly resources.

“Studies have shown that participatory, multi-objective slum upgrading in the urban sphere significantly improves social determinants that shape health outcomes such as safe housing, food access, political and gender rights, education, and employment status.” This can definitely be the beginning to a new paragraph in which you can elaborate more based on each component mentioned.

Responding to Peer Review

I appreciated Marbrisa's idea go more in-depth about Pakistan's specific health policies. I can use this to expand upon this section as well as link other relevant Wikipedia articles for readers to access. I actually did draft something for the "Healthcare Delivery System of Pakistan" (see "Drafting" section above). I also like Marbrisa's idea to break up the "Community Medicine" section into several paragraphs. Since I explain the Lady Health Workers program in this section in-depth, I think I should add more about other community health programs in Pakistan in this section.

I agree that the first sentence in the "Community Health in the Global South" section can be removed. The fees sentence should stay in its current place because I plan to elaborate more about the privatization of healthcare in the Global South and the "medical poverty trap" that Evans presents. I also agree that I want to be more specific about the approaches taken by community health workers in promoting health through bottom-up methods. I also intend to start a new paragraph about slum upgrading in the Global South. I will need to search for more sources to expand upon this.