Talk:Manilal Dwivedi/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Yashthepunisher (talk · contribs) 08:27, 18 July 2019 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this. Yashthepunisher (talk) 08:27, 18 July 2019 (UTC)

Lead

• "was a Gujarati-language writer, poet, novelist and essayist, and a philosopher and social reformer." I think it will read better as, "was a Gujarati-language writer, poet, novelist, essayist, philosopher and social reformer.

• Done

• Avoid using words like 'greatly'. They are PEACOCK-ish and non-neutral.

• Done - removed 'greatly'

• I think the first para is quite disoriented. What Narmad thought of Manilal should be mentioned somewhere in the last para.
• Lead shouldn't have references, but they should be sources elsewhere in the article.
• Was he commonly known as Manilal? Make sure the naming follows MOS:SURNAME.

• All the books (English, Gujarati, Hindi.. all) of history of Gujarati literature and other source refer him by 'Manilal' instead of his surname 'Dwivedi'.

• "Manilal belongs to the Pandit Yuga (English: the Age of Scholars)." Sentences are not written with their translations like this. Remove the english meaning since its been explained in the latter part.

• Done

• The opening sentence of the third para should start with his name instead of a 'he'.

• Done

• How did he die? Mention that in the lead.

• Done

• Was he married or not? Mention that also in the lead.

• Done

• Did he receive any award or honour for his work? Ditto, if any.

• He didn't receive any award. But one thing that we can add in the lead : He was invited to present paper at the first Parliament of World Religions, held in Chicago in 1893.

Infobox

• British India, Nadiad and Bombay presidency are linked twice.

• Done - removed double link

• You mention him as an 'editor' in the infobox, but not in the lead. Why so?

• Done - mentioned in the lead

• Link Pandit era.

• Done

Early life

• "Manilal was born to a Sathodara Nagar family at Nadiad, Gujarat, on 26 September 1858." The sentence order is not right. First mention his DOB, then the place.

• Done

• I don't see the relevance to mention his grand-father.

• Done - removed

• Is it relevant to mention Manilal inheriting some money and property? I mean what has it got to do with Manilal?

• Done - removed

• "On the day after Manilal's birth". You mean the day after Manilal's birth or...otherwise? Please clarify.

• Done - clarified

• "He joined Elphinstone College." He joined 'the' Elphinstone College.

• Done

• "Under pressure from his father to earn a wage." A 'the' is missing after 'Under'.

• Done

• A comma is missing after July 1880.

• Done

• Why 'Government High School' is in all caps? Was it the exact name of the school?

• Done - removed capital letters

• I think the 'social reformer' subsection fits better in 'Works'.
• His personal life and death subsection should be placed towards the end, like most articles. And the 'life' section should be renamed as 'Early life'.

Personal life

• At the age of thirteen --> At the age of 13.

• Done

• The 'personal life' delves too much into his ehm...personal life. I mean the article would benefit from a trimming of that section. There is a lot of redundant information in it.

• Done - trimmed some part. See, what you think?

Social reformer

• At the age of fifteen he, --> At the age of 15, he

• Done

• Wikilink theosophy.

• Done

Death

• Mention the name of Manilal's autobiography.

• Done

• "in the second term of the first year of college, and again a year later." This is very confusing. Why not write: Manilal states that he visited a brothel multiple times during his college years.

• Done

• This developed into secondary and then tertiary syphilis. --> This developed into secondary and then tertiary stage.

• Done

• "Manilal records an abscess on his neck in July 1898." Fix the tense of this sentence. It should be 'recorded' instead of 'records'.

• Done

• He died on the morning of 1 October 1898, while lying on his stomach and writing at his home in Nadiad, in the presence of friends.

• Done

Literary work

• Reference 4 should be at the end of second para's first sentence.

• Done

• There are several inconsistencies with the sentences' tense. Like some are written in past-tense, some in present.

• Done - reworded with past tense

• "has had lasting popularity." This is pretty vague. Popularity how?

• reworded: 'is popular in Gujarati language'

• "He adapted Lytton's novel Zanoni". Mention Lytton's full name.

• Done

• Dhirubhai Thaker noted that. --> Writer Dhirubhai Thaker noted that.

• Done

• His direct quote should be under quotation marks.

• Done

Religious and philosophical writings

• The sentence about his second book in the first para is too long. Try breaking it for a better read.

• Done - See, what you think?

• The reference glued to 'mesmerism' should be placed at the end of the sentence.

• Done

Controversies

• He criticized reformers. --> criticised. Indian English.

• Done

• "Manilal severely criticized." Avoid using strong wordings as 'severly'. Also, fix the Indian English.

• Done

Images

• Add a caption to the infobox image.

• Just mentioned 'Manilal Dwivedi' in caption. There are no other details available about image.

• All the images shouldn't be placed on the right side. Per MOS:IMGLOC.

Sources

• Ref 2, 16, 17, 18 and 24 should be formatted properly.
• I have an issue with ref 2 at the second para of 'Early life' section. Which sentence is mentioned from page 14–16 and which from 35–36? This needs to be fixed.

That's it from me. Yashthepunisher (talk) 15:56, 18 July 2019 (UTC)