User talk:UMightyMet/sandbox

Good topic and description. Suggestions

• Clarify upfront the distinction between a snowflake and a snow crystal. I'm not sure that, for example, a dendrite could not be called either. I think you mean an aggregated snowflake, so perhaps that could be stated more explicitly. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Nephologue (talk • contribs) 02:35, 5 December 2020 (UTC)

Nice job so far, some really good information on scattering in here! Below are a few pieces of feedback:

• Since the first and third sentences are both sort of referencing growth, it may be possible to combine them into one to start the paragraph.
• In the second sentence, make sure to add the citation via wikipedia to ensure it is at the end of the sentence and added to references. The sentence may be strengthened by rewording the part mentioning colors of snow and ice.
• In the fourth sentence, when you mention platforms, do you mean the snowflake surface?
• In the last sentence of the first paragraph, consider adding the word "of" after "The unique configuration".
• Based on what is discussed in the second paragraph, it could be added within the start of the first paragraph where collisions and growth are discussed.

The third paragraph has some cool information and I enjoyed reading the whole thing. Please let me know if you have any questions! Noah.hirshorn (talk) 20:27, 29 November 2020 (UTC)

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I would consider dropping the first sentence and jump straight into the explanation of color. Think you can add a link to the wikipedia page for the visible spectrum in the last sentence of the first paragraph. The latter could also be re-visited and improve flow. Otherwise I think you nailed it and gives a first good understanding on where snow lends its color. Joayer (talk) 01:29, 30 November 2020 (UTC)

A couple grammar edits I'd suggest:

• maybe remove the second comma in the second sentence
• "The unique configuration of multiple ice crystals within a single snowflake provides allows for multiple scattering interactions to occur. This results in all colors of the visible spectrum being reflected equally, thus producing its white appearance."
  • there's a lot of content in this sentence so maybe breaking it up would help the reader follow along. (Though my writing style has been described as a bit choppy, so edit it how you please)

Baudette (talk) 06:41, 1 December 2020 (UTC)

I would consider taking out "Discussed above" at the very beginning and just saying "Snowflake development is dependent on ice crystal collisions" instead. Also, the last sentence of the first paragraph is a little wordy so I would consider removing the word "provide" and breaking the sentence up into 2. Probably not the best suggestion but here's an example: "The unique configuration of multiple ice crystals within a single snowflake allows for multiple scattering interactions to occur. The result is the equal reflection of visible light which creates the appearance of white."

I like how you added the part at the end talking about snow once it's on the ground. I had no idea red snow was a thing! Boomersooner16 (talk) 21:56, 1 December 2020 (UTC)

Reviewed feedback/suggestions from classmates above. Edits were made; draft updated. UMightyMet (talk) 15:45, 3 December 2020 (UTC)

I appreciate your choice of a pseudonym as a username.

• Link to wikipedia article "Watermelon snow" which is the name of the phenomenon referenced in your last sentence.
• Move citation 1 to end of sentence instead of the middle.
• Clean up reference 3.

KYsnowmaker (talk) 07:26, 4 December 2020 (UTC)