John Cain

John Cain may refer:

• John Cain (senior) (1882-1957), 34th Premier of Victoria, Australia
• John Cain II (born 1931), 41st Premier of Victoria, Australia
• John J. Cain (1861-1937), American mayor of Bayonne, New Jersey, 1910-1912
• John Paul Cain (born 1936), American professional golfer

John Michael Cain aka Plain Cain. Man of Lalacità. Lives in the heart of Skem, Netherly. Once enagged in Gang Culture, and was an active member of the Nev soldiers but was later kicked out due to refusing to chop off his beloved second wife (his greese monkey combover). He denies reports that he bats for the wrong team, however has been spotted many a time drapped over a homosexuals an cross dressers in the gbar. More recently you will find him on the 79c bus route as he has just flunked his drivers test, due to his lack of consintraction an sizeing up his size 4 shoes to other passing males both old an young. When recently asked about his relationship status with Lala also known as Lauren Von Baps, he denied all reports, brushing it off that it was a post shagga scruff fling. Our sources beg to differ!