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Talk:Fred Hampton's murder as a catalyst

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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Wrih (talk | contribs) at 02:00, 25 May 2010. The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Fred Hampton

kbm3, I can see the effort you put into the murder of Fred Hampton and its influence on the WUO. I like how you utilize different sources that provide different sources. However, be aware that the bots on Wikipedia may ask for neutrality in regards to WUO's response to the murder. Oh, another thing, I would also suggest linking your main page under one subsection of Hampton's bio, since it talks about his murder and the many responses and accounts surrounding it. Huskygal12 (talk) 18:17, 21 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Problems with this

  1. As noted above it's not written with an eye toward neutrality ("His example still inspires people fighting for change almost 40 years later").
  2. I think it doesn't really need to exist. The first section is just about Hampton's life; that would appropriately be addressed in the article Fred Hampton. Information about Hampton's death can also be in that article. Information about the impact of his death on Weatherman should be covered in the main Weatherman article; Wikipedia shouldn't be providing different versions of the same events. Any new information should be merged into those articles and this should be deleted.Prezbo (talk) 00:31, 23 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"He was a model leader" should be taken out in order to be more neutral. Italianviolets (talk) 01:50, 24 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I agree that it may be more useful to merge this information with the articles on Fred Hampton and the WUO, and your work will be available to more people that way. Also, there were a few issues that I saw that could be fixed:

  1. You refer to "President" Hoover. I assume you mean FBI Director Hoover, but you may also have been refering to President Nixon. Correction/clarification here would be useful.
  2. The sentence "[Assuming fake identities, and pledging to pursue covert activities.]" is in brackets, which is somewhat confusing, and it seems like it may be ouy of place.
  3. You say that "What many believed to be a government-sanctioned killing..." Would it be possible to quantify who the "many" were? Was it just the WUO, or did other organizations believe that as well? You may not have this sort of information, but it would be useful to share if you do happen to have it.

Wrih (talk) 02:00, 25 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Writing Flow

I would suggest merging some sentences together in order to create more of a flow to your sections. It might also help to switch off between how sentences are begun, instead of starting with "He", "His", or "Hampton" in consecutive sentences. One example of this is in the section Community Involvement: "HE maintained regular speaking engagements and organized weekly rallies at the Chicago federal building on behalf of the Black Panther Party.[2] HE taught political education classes every morning, worked with a free People's Clinic, and launched a community control of police project.[2] HAMPTON was also instrumental in the Black Panther Party’s Free Breakfast Program. HAMPTON had the charisma to excite crowds during rallies; he was supposed to be appointed to the Party's Central Committee." Italianviolets (talk) 01:46, 24 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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