Talk:Jon Brower Minnoch/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet (talk · contribs) 14:08, 26 June 2023 (UTC)
This is certainly an interesting premise! Having said that, the article needs a fair amount of work. The first thing that stood out to me was the short length and suspicion of missing elements. To take a rather glaring example: Minnoch has a mugshot pictured, clarifying that he was arrested at 19 for burglary...but no arrests are mentioned in the article! There's evidently quite a bit missing about Minnoch's personal life, with only enough detail to raise further questions (e.g. the lack of clarity around his relationships and children, and complete absence of any mention of his parents/potential siblings/etc). If the sourcing exists for what we have, it should exist for more, even if it may be difficult to find considering it would overwhelmingly be pre-internet and not necessarily digitized. (If there's a mugshot, for instance, there's more about his arrest and why it happened -- some of it might not be usable in a BLP, but this is not a BLP.)
While this is the most significant issue with the article, and some work would need to be done on it before many further comments, there are a few other bullet points I have to note:
- His first wife is mentioned as preferring to go by her middle name. Why does her first name necessarily need mentioning, in this case?
- 'WA' shouldn't be used for 'Washington', as it's ambiguous between many locations.
- {{[[Template:[S]uggesting a genetic cause for his condition|[S]uggesting a genetic cause for his condition]]}} is far too big a claim to be made by that source -- obesity is complex and multifactorial, including obesity onset in childhood, and the sense in which it's 'genetic' is fairly complicated. Probably we shouldn't speculate on why he was fat at all, except to note the very obvious fact he lost substantial amounts of weight when eating less.
- {{80% fat}} should be clarified as having a body fat percentage of 80%, to avoid ambiguity. (For...juxtaposition purposes, it also might be good to rearrange this such that his claims about water retention immediately follow this sentence.)
- The fair use picture is justifiable, but the current justification used on the file page doesn't work, because multiple public domain photos of him exist and are in the article. However, there aren't free images including his body, so the FUR should be amended to clarify that none of the free images actually show him as 'especially fat' rather than 'guy with double chin'.
I'll be able to make more comments as the article is expanded. Vaticidalprophet 14:08, 26 June 2023 (UTC)