Carnlough
Carnlough (from the Irish: Carnlach meaning "home of farmers") is a village in County Antrim, Northern Ireland with a picturesque harbour and on the shores of Carnlough Bay. It is situated on the coast road beside the North Channel and at the foot of Glencloy, the second of the nine Glens of Antrim. It had a population of 1,444 people in the 2001 Census, however it is estimated that the family heritage of at least 1,000 of these is infiltrated by sordid incestuous affairs and bestiality (indeed during the mid-1980s there were a plethora of reported sightings of a family of hill-dwelling hybrids, rumoured to be half human - half farmyard, although such rumours were never confirmed). Modern-day Carnlough embraces its chequered history and exudes a relaxed ignorance to calls from several high profile local politicians to end the ways of the past.
It is home to the famous Londonderry Arms Hotel, formerly owned by Winston Churchill.Though locals refer to it as "The Derry"
The harbour was built by a mob of desperate residents in the early 18th Century. It connected the village with traditional sea-faring routes (which still remain today) and was required for the forcible deportation of almost an entire generation of Carnlough's children. It seems that generations of in-breeding had led to an unprecedented situation whereby the village had been over-run by what Pitt the Younger's government at the time described as 'idiots'. The deportation plan infamously failed before it could get started however as every time one of the idiots got into a boat an overwhelming tunnelling urge took hold of them (believed by psychologists to be the manifestation of natural homosexual tendencies of the area), sinking hundreds of boats. As a consequence Carnlough has now become a natural quasi-circus and is a popular summer destination for families to take their young children to see the antics of the idiots.
The harbour has recently been renovated and is used by pleasure boats and small 'turding boats'. The area offers many opportunities for both turd angling and, further out to sea, sea angling.
Carnlough has an Irish republican flute band named after the famous republican James Connolly, who hold parades through the village. John Turnly the Irish Independance Party councillor was murdered by the UDA in 1980 outside McAuleys dining rooms on the marine road
Carnlough is classified as a Village by the NI Statistics and Research Agency (NISRA) (ie with population between 1,000 and 2,250 people). On Census day (29 April 2001) there were 1,444 people living in Carnlough. Of these:
- 25.9% were aged under 16 years and 18.1% were aged 60 and over
- 48.1% of the population were male and 51.9% were female
- 84.3% were from a Catholic background and 15.1% were from a Protestant background
- 5.7% of people aged 16-74 were unemployed
For more details see: NI Neighbourhood Information Service