Teen Girl Squad
 | It has been suggested that this article be merged into Homestar Runner. (Discuss) Proposed since December 2006. |
Template:HSR Teen Girl Squad is a subcartoon series of the Homestar Runner animated cartoon series. It is a crudely drawn comic supposedly illustrated by the fictional Strong Bad. The series is characterized by a satirical presentation of high-school social hierarchy and relations, focusing on four archetypical stereotyped female characters. It also features a second-level of humor poking fun at its fictional creator, Strong Bad, principally by exposing his inability to focus on plot or development through the constant interference in each sketch by random (and often recurring) elements of totally bizarre and humorously violent phenomena (detailed in Non Teen Girl Squad Characters, below.) The aesthetic and format of the series intentionally mimics general patterns seen in in-classroom doodles created by bored students. The animation also resembles that of indie animator Don Hertzfeldt, whose comical stick figures are often prey to equally random plots. The animation of Teen Girl Squad, consistent with its scribbled presentation, is done extremely crudely in Flash Animation, adding yet another, more slapstick dimension to the series.
The feature began after a girl named Brittany emailed Strong Bad and requested that he draw her friends, Virginia, Joy, Kristen and Jennifer. The voices are done by Strong Bad in a strained falsetto. Usually, at the end of the episode, Strong Bad announces "It's over!"
The menu listing all the Teen Girl Squad episodes can be found here.
The characters
The characters are basic high school clichés: four friends who strive to be super popular and attempt strategies to date boys.
- Cheerleader is the most popular member of the group. She wears her hair in pigtails and usually dons clothing labeled with phrases such as "Boys Please". We are led to believe that this popularity is just in her head, though, as she has very little luck getting football players to notice her. However, in Issue 12, she gets "Valentimes" cards from every football player except one. Furthermore, the other three girls seem to feel like Cheerleader has enslaved them, as shown by their cries of happiness when Cheerleader is run down by a "crazy" girl/student who just got her learner's permit.
- So and So is second on the proverbial totem pole. She is academically inclined and very outgoing, although this does not translate into popularity. In fact, the only two guys who have noticed her are "Brett Bretterson", a boy she made up in first grade, and a jock, her relationship with whom ended tragically when a van with the sound effect "Children!" ran over her new Sugary sweet tooth boy pal. So and So is the only member of the squad to have been referred to by a real name; Cheerleader called her Kristen, one of the names Strong Bad was supposed to use for the characters, in the first episode. Shortly after that, however, What's Her Face said "I miss Kristin...a", making it obvious that Strong Bad already forgot the girls' names. After that, she was just called So-and-So. She has a stepmom named Mrs. Judith So-and-Soerson with an extensive, jogging suit-filled walk-in closet where they practiced for "Battle of the Bands" as Kissyboots in Issue #8.
- What's Her Face is the least popular member and the pity friend of the group. The girls aren't subtle in telling her this. They have excluded her from an excursion to the mall, and left her at home while they went to the beach for spring break (their words: "We tried to call you, but we forgot."). Her most notable physical feature is that she dresses in baggy pants and has stringy hair (only 2 or 3 lines), and that she had lice when she was in kindergarten with the other girls. In issue 9 it is revealed that she at one time dated "Science Fiction Greg," a rather nerdy male character seemingly as unpopular as herself, until Cheerleader put a stop to it, but when Cheerleader was "run down" by "crazy learner's permit girl", What's Her Face stated, "I can date Science-Fiction Greg again". Thus started her "dating" him again.
- The Ugly One dresses frumpily, with nondescript frills at the end of her dress. She also perms her hair and wears '60s cat-eye glasses. We are led to believe that she has a problem with hygiene, and that her clothes make her look very uncool. She is ahead of What's Her Face in terms of popularity, but not by much. In the tenth issue, she is redrawn in color as "The New Hotness," the complete opposite of her typical style character, for her celebration of her "sweet someteenth" birthday bash. In this Strong Bad takes out the part of the Arrow'd Guy proposing to her and says, "You are looking Makey-Outy tonight". Her father owns and runs a used and broken electronic store known as 'Manolios Ugly One's Lectro-Pawn.'
Non-Teen Girl Squad characters
- Arrow'd Guy is one of the characters that has shown up in nearly every episode (except issue 11) usually to do something drastic to at least one member of the Teen Girl Squad. His talents are many; with his main talent being an archer by firing arrows out of his mouth (hence his name), a "Children!" truck driver, a Pan-Asian-Cuisine restaurant worker, a CEREBELLUM-mech operator, a boat captain, a contest judge, a giant, a woman and a critical playgoer. He also returned for "Arrow'd II" where he was about to propose to The Ugly One before being replaced by Strong Bad. He also appears as 404'd Guy when Homestar Runner browsers achieve a 404 Error. The term "Arrow'd!" is referenced in the Trogdor game also from the Homestar site.
- Thomas is a stereotypical Grey alien, who arrived at the Teen Girl Squad's area from what is believed to be "foreign lands" around Pre-K. He hasn't done much in the series, but he can be quite painful with a bat and can pull off impressive half-pipe stunts on a skateboard. What's Her Face had a crush on him when he first came, and still does.
- Tompkins is a student who attends school with the Teen Girl Squad. In pre-kindergarten, he and the girls had an antagonistic relationship. So and So develops a crush on him for his rebellious nature and decides to ask him out after breaking up with Brett Bretterson. However, it seems he would rather play Super Mario on his Game Boy.
- Science Fiction Greg is What's Her Face's apparent ex-boyfriend. He is extremely nerdy and Cheerleader forced them to stop dating. Apparently he tends to copy D&D Greg. In Issue 11, he attended camp with D&D Greg. He also finds wizards to be truly worthy adversaries (worthy at least of claiming What's Her Face's heart). What's Her Face and him start dating again when Cheerleader is run down by the drivers permit girl.
- D&D Greg is similar to Science Fiction Greg, only he is more renowned for his Dungeons and Dragons skills. Apparently, he hates it when Science Fiction Greg acts like a D&D expert. In Issue 11, he attended camp with Science Fiction Greg, much to each others' disdain as they had a conflict on what the camp should be imagined like.
The Episodes
As of February 17, 2007, there have been twelve episodes of Teen Girl Squad.
Issue #1 - TEE GEE ESS!!
The issues starts with titles. The following words run next to each character's picture.
Cheerleader: Cheer!
So and So: Fashion Sense!
What's Her Face: Unpopular!
The Ugly One: Hygiene?
These titles reappear with different words in future issues.
The issue opens with Cheerleader telling the group that they should get ready to "look so good!" After the others agree, they all set off on their mission (shortly after this, a helicopter materializes into the air and guns down some birds). Out of nowhere, So and So gets "voiped" by a robot's beam.
Cheerleader informs So and So that she looks burnt, or dead. As they walk off, What's Her Face says in a light tone, "I miss Kristin...a?"
The Ugly One announces, "I have a crush on every boy!" Just as she does that, The Arrow'd guy shoots arrows out of his mouth; they all hit The Ugly One. A monster then punts What's Her Face far away, to a cry of "Dag, yo".
At the end of the comic, Cheerleader is standing on top of the site where the three girls are buried. She announces, "i LOOK SO GOOD!". In the easter egg, Strong Bad arrives and asks her to go to Checkers, Rally's, or Sonic Burger.
Issue #2 - Teen Grrrl Squad!!
Introduction:
Cheerleader: Growth spurt!
So and So: School Spirit!
What's Her Face: Pity Friend!
The Ugly One: Psoriasis!
The issue opens with Cheerleader asking the girls how they're looking. After the others respond with their typical "So good!" (What's Her Face says "Okay!......I mean So Good!"), she shows them a fashion magazine with hot tips (Title: Le Girl), and suggests that they get started. As they are walking, a cloud in the sky suddenly begins chomping on the birds.
The girls run into a jock, who assumes that they must be girls. What's Her Face believes she might have a chance with him, until Thomas bashes her legs with a baseball bat, possibly out of jealousy. The jock suggests that he and So and So should date, and she agrees. A vulture and a bat swoop in to grasp Cheerleader and The Ugly One, to voice-overs of "Swoop!" and "Grasped!".
So and So's date ends abruptly when The Arrow'd guy drives a van into the jock with the sound effect "Children!!" So and So is shocked, and even more so when the vultures drop the two remaining girls back to earth. "Where were you guys?" she asked. The girls responded with, "We got jealous." So and So announces that they should go get yogurt! What's Her Face returns with bloody knees. While enjoying their yogurt at TCYBCBY, The Ugly One announces that she got jimmies on her yogurt.
Issue #3 - TGS Numba 3
Introduction:
Cheerleader: Boy Crazy!
So and So: Math Crazy!
What's Her Face: Whatev!
The Ugly One: ACTUALLY CRAZY!
Cheerleader starts by saying "Listen, gals. If we want to look....". Anticipating what will be said next, the girls respond with the next two words Cheerleader was going to say: "SO GOO-" But before they get the 'd' out, Cheerleader blurts out that "We have to go get some summer fashions!" So and So is "so there", and agrees. Cheerleader decides then that So and So, The Ugly One, and herself, will be going to the mall, but tells What's Her Face to go to the thrift store, or the junkyard. As the trio and What's Her Face split up to go to their separate destinations, the sun in the sky inexplicably turns into a spinning buzzsaw, killing some nearby birds.
The girls decide to stop at a vendor to get some Pan-Asian Cuisine, and stop at an oddly named Chinese food stand: 3 spring rolls. Once there, they ironically ordered "3 spring rolls", as inscribed on said sign. However, The Ugly One gets MSG'D by the Arrow'd Guy handling the spring rolls. At the thrift store, What's Her Face points out that the clothes on the rack smell like grandmas (plural, not possessive). On her way home, she gets attacked by some opossums. Upon converging at a meeting place, Cheerleader asks What's Her Face what happened to her. She replies that she "met a possum". Then they all pose in their new summer fashions, during which What's Her Face announces that her blood hurts.
Issue #4 - TGS Tissue 4
Introduction:
Cheerleader: Cool Parents!
So and So: Student Council!
What's Her Face: Shop Lifting?
The Ugly One: Prepaid Lunch!
Cheerleader is upset that school is happening again this year. The other girls, whose minds seem to be somewhere else at the time, respond with the traditional "So Good!". Cheerleader informs them that they are "wack." "Wiggedy Wack?" The Ugly One wonders, but Cheerleader says no, just regular type.
So and So disagrees. She sat next to Brett Bretterson in math and he asked her to study with him during lunch (at this point, So and So closes her eyes and stereotypical "hearts" appear around her head to indicate her infatuation; one of the hearts is inexplicably killed by an arrow). Cheerleader informs her that she made up Brett Bretterson in first grade; he's not real.
So and So strikes up a conversation with the invisible Brett, which "Weirded Out" What's Her Face. So and So leaves with "Brett", ostensibly to go to lunch. On the way, she falls in the "Fighting Growlbacks Bottomless Spirit Pit". As she falls, she yells, " Ahhhhh!! Go growlbacks!"
As the 3 look on as So-and-So falls, What's her face states that when you fall in a bottomless pit, you die of starvation. Cheerleader distracts everyone by remarking that the quarterback is by his locker, and she is going to see if he has any plans for dating her. She then asks if her underwear were showing. The Ugly one replies to her with " Yes, Ma'am". She likes The Ugly One's response, saying "Grood", and corrects herself by saying "I mean GOOD.... and great....great and good." She walks off, anxious to show quarterback. The Ugly One laughs, "Tee hee." What's Her Face says, "We're cool." A sack of potatoes and a weight flatten them, respectively, as sound effects and writing on said weight and sack of potatoes indicate that "NO, YOU'RE NOT!"
Cheerleader asks the quarterback, "How's about you and me?" The dumb quarterback responds with, "How's about you get some brains?" The Arrow'd guy attacks Cheerleader with a massive mechanized brain with huge lips, causing her to get "Cerebellum'd!"
Back at the spirit pit, So and So yells, "Hello.....A little help here.......Maybe some Lunchables....or a juice box?" Then, while she says this, apparently "Brett" is telling her that he loves her, because she responds as if he did say it, by saying "I love you too, Brett".
Issue #5 - Spring Type Break
Introduction: Cheerleader: Two Piece!
So and So: One Piece!
What's Her Face: Same Clothes!
The Ugly One: Three Piece?!!
The episode begins with What's Her Face at her mailbox, finding that she's gotten a postcard. It's from the other girls, who have gone to the beach without her. They promise to send her a shell, or some sand, if they remember. She remarks that the other side has birds on it. Her mailbox promptly eats the card.
At the beach, Cheerleader suggests that they put their stuff down by "them olda boys." Cut to a pair of college guys, complete with a cooler filled with "college drinks". One college boy comments that he misses video games, the other mentions that he misses his mom. The Ugly One is too nervous; she sticks her head in the sand. A bird perches on her midriff to the sound effect, "Perch!" and she informs us that her lungs are filling with sand and cigarette butts.
Cheerleader asks the boys if their spot on the beach is taken. She says they're in college, while at the same time, So and So says they're in eighth grade! The boys laugh, and an angry Cheerleader punts So and So away.
Cheerleader explains away So and So as her little sister. The spiky-haired college guy says that the two look the same age. An angry Cheerleader explodes with "I'M AT LEAST FIVE YEARS OLDER AND IN COLLEGE!!!" then has her torso ripped from the rest of her body when The Arrow'd guy runs into her with his boat, the S.S. Inevitable in a tragic "sailing mishap!". One college guy remarks that he will miss her, the second says that he is going to miss video games, again.
The Ugly One hopes nobody cool or famous is staring at her, which Henry Rollins, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln are doing. So and So walks in and asks the trio to tandem parasail with her. To which they exclaim "woot".
Strong Bad announces "it's almost over!"
At the skate park, What's Her Face asks Thomas to do an indy nosebone. As he does so, So and So and the celebrities glide by on a parasail. Thomas performs one last stunt, the "Late 360' Shove It to Boneless....'D" before Strong Bad announces that "now it's over!"
In the podcast version, the show returns to the two college boys saying their lines "I miss video games" and "I miss my mom" (the latter is "stuttered" twice) in a strange rhythm to the background music.
Issue #6 - Decemberween Special
Introduction:
Cheerleader: Wants a pony!
So and So: Wants a savings bond!
What's Her Face: Wants a new stepdad!
The Ugly One: Wants to be cheerleader!
Cheerleaders starts off by telling "her gallies" to listen up. They have to draw names for "secret decemberween gift exchange", she explains, as the other girls scream "FUNTIME!", to which she replies, "okay chill". She goes on to say how she put each of the girls' names into a lion's mouth, and that What's Her Face has to choose first. What's Her Face is hesitant, to which Cheerleader replies, saying that "[she] won't get any presents". The Ugly One runs by, screaming "I WANT PRESENTS! I WANT PRESENTTTTTTSSS!" and cannonballs into the lion, who promptly CHOMP's his mouth closed on her. The scene cuts to a judges table, with two of the ARROW'D guy and a random smiley face holding up "2" signs, while Strong Bad announces "TWO'D!!". Cheerleaders thinks that So and So is next, and So and So thinks some calculations in her head (lion's mouth + decemberween present / peer pressure * [her] height = TRIPLE SALCHOW) and performs the aforementioned jump into the lion's mouth, who SCHOMP'S down on her before opening it again for her to say "Come on in, the water's great!" Cheerleader runs toward the lion now, exclaiming that the "last one in's a rotten friend!" and performs a "double double whipless mochaccino half caf" into the lion's mouth, which SHOOP's closed on her. The judges inexplicably give her "3 noses", while What's her face stares at the lion and states "I'm vegan". An Hawaiian ukulele player pops up and sings "Wave o' babies", while a literal interpretation of that lyric starts falling from the right side of the screen.
On the inside of the lion, Cheerleader says that "this lion's innards are looking..." and they all scream "SO GOOD!". So and So pulls a present out of nowhere and presents it to Cheerleader (the present turns out to be "fashion gift cards", to which Cheerleader replies "how did you know?"). The Ugly One presents to Cheerleader a half-digested gazelle carcass she presumably found in the lion's stomach (they all scream "GAZELLE CARCASS!!!"). It should be noted that this is the only time the Arrow'd Guy appears (twice) with his mouth shut, most of his appearances are often with his mouth open.
Issue #7 - Diaper School Grads!
Introduction:
Cheerleader: Fattycakes!
So and So: Polite and Boring!
What's Her Face: Lice and More!
The Ugly One: Boy or Girl?
And: Tompkins
This issue opens with the squad in pre-kindergarten, and is drawn on wide ruled practice paper. So and So and The Ugly One are sitting across from each other, playing pattycake, with the words making fun of Tompkins.
Then they start to count up from 'one inch' back and forth until they pass 'four inch'; The Ugly One states that's as high as she can count. What's Her Face announces that she can count to G! Unfazed, Cheerleader approaches and says that she can count all the way to purple... backwards.
Tompkins arrives, and being the young boy he is, gives the girls first choice of who wants to be "hogtied, and pushed down into some snakewater." "Tompkins, how do you be so short?" counters The Ugly One. Tompkins comes back with "Heck, I'm taller than you." The girls yell out to their teacher, "TOMPKINS MADE A SWEAR!!!" and Tompkins runs off crying. Tompkins is attacked by several poorly-defined threats in the form of a monster hand in a granny hat (AGGH!! GRAGHGH!!!) shown before Strong Bad cuts to a dismembered Tompkins. Strong Bad says "and... he died somehow..."
Cheerleader decides now's the time to show off her "very own chocolate bar!!" - which happens to be decorated with dirt, hair, an ant and a fly. The other girls are disgusted by Cheerleader's dirty chocolate bar, but Cheerleader counters with "Yeah? Well my house has a hundred bafrooms!!" "You mean your parent's house?" says So-and-so. "You mean 2 bafrooms?" says The Ugly One. Going into a tantrum, Cheerleader yells out, "NO! IT'S MINE! IT'S A HUNDRED! SHUT IT OFF!!" A fat guy in a bathing suit then slides down the kiddie slide behind Cheerleader, and squishes her. ("Squished.")
A school bell named 'Bill Bellamy' rings out and the remaining kids squeal "NAPTIME!" A bird-like creature appears in the background. The bird creature takes off carrying What's Her Face, So and So, and The Ugly One. The first two are sound asleep, and The Ugly One thanks Mrs. Commanderson. The bird creature replies with a resounding "EERRAAAK!!," causing What's Her Face to fall.
The music and paper background change back to normal, and the four girls are standing around looking at a book of old photos. All of them remark out loud: "Look at how much we've grown!" The scene pans out to show they're falling through the air. It then pans out again to show they're falling into the open mouth of The Arrow'd Guy. Cue Strong Bad yelling that "IT'S OVER!!!"
Issue #8 - Soopa Groop
Introduction: Cheerleader: Top 40 Hits!
So and So: Hooked on Classics!
What's Her Face: College Radio!
The Ugly One: Listens to Pinebark!
The eighth Teen Girl Squad begins with the girls sitting in class. The intercom comes on to announce that, aside from lunch consisting of a 'breadtangle' of pizza, there will be a "battle of the bands" on Friday, and that Tompkins needs to go to the principal's office. After What's Her Face comments that pizza should be triangular, and So and So comments about Tompkins, the girls decide to form a band so that they can get boys. Sticking What's Her Face on bass, they set off to So and So's stepmom's closet to practice.
So and So wants the band to be named "Smartly Pretty", spelled "(S)mar+∫y PrΣ(π)y", but Cheerleader argues that they shall call themselves "Kissyboots". The girls arrive and find that So and So's stepmom is actually The Arrow'd guy with bad make-up, questionable fashion taste, and a pearl necklace, and that she owns a million of those jogging suits. They begin practicing their song, but during a 16 hour drum solo (in which she plays on drums named Mr. Drummond), The Ugly One is "floor tommed!", "step-mommed!" and then... "Pom-Pom'd?"
At the battle of the bands, Kissyboots is up, but So and So is missing. The scene cuts to her dressing room where she's going for a "gloomy keyboardist look", complete with Strong Sad shirt. Some goblins arrive and ask for her autograph, but she is crushed by a giant 12-sided polyhedral die (actually a 20-sided die) before she can pick up the pen (Twelve-sided died!).
The show must go on, and Cheerleader and What's Her Face play without her. What's Her Face comments that "her bass feels seaworthy" after it spontaneously transforms into a shark, which eats her top half. "Ow, my most of me!" she exclaims. Cheerleader finishes out the issue with a musical "it's over!" song. She ends with "everybody died 'cept me", which is quickly shown to be false with a "Chomp!" noise, and cheerleader promptly exclaiming, "Aw, CRAP!"
Issue #9 - Summatime Style!
Introduction: Cheerleader: Backyard Pool!
So and So: Library!
What's Her Face: 24 hour diner!
The Ugly One: Parking deck?
In this episode, Cheerleader decides that this summer will be different--one, they won't be hanging out next to Mr. Pitters, who stays despite this; and two, she's befriended an older girl who has her learner's permit! So and So, as well as The Ugly One, shout "LEARNER'S PERMIT!" while Mr. Pitters, reluctant to leave, shouts "LEARNER'S OINTMENT!" What's Her Face says that she's had her license for a year, and Cheerleader tells her to "stop saying words". The older girl then drives up, and with a cry of "ten o'clock and two o'clock!", she winds up running Cheerleader over, with the following sound effect: "driver's ed-ed...dead!" So and So notices that Cheerleader is dead. The girls scream, "We're free!", while Mr. Pitters cries, "We're ointment!" The Ugly One announces that the tyranny is over.
So and So is happy that she can now overachieve like a bandit, What's Her Face decides to date Science-Fiction Greg again, The Ugly One stops showering, and Mr. Pitters becomes a teen girl. He then gets eaten by vultures, who state that "[he] ain't no teen girl!" and, while eating, "quite good, quite good!"
Strong Bad sings a song about what happens to the "Best Friends Squad", as they are now called. The Ugly One carves BFF in a tree (which stands for Baow Fom Froosh, sound effects for when the tree crashes on her and ignites), So and So puts on a play with a living Porta-John, but gets bad reviews and both are killed by the arrow'd guy, What's Her Face eats a heaping bowl of staple sauce, obviously killing her, and Strong Bad and the older girl go to Babbage's. Strong Bad is disappointed that there are no TurboGrafx games.
In the end, all of the girls (and Mr. Pitters) are dead. Cheerleader tells the other girls to get ready to be "SO DEAD" (Much to the others dismay). Mr. Pitters announces that he looks so good.
Issue #10 - Tenthennial Extravaganza
Cheerleader: Groovy grapefruit pink
So and So: Vicious violent violet
What's Her Face: Radacious bodadical razzberry blue!
The Ugly One: Gnarly nursing home green
In this episode, presented in twenty-four great-smelling colours (There are actually 43 colors), the girls prepare to eat no food, until The Ugly One comes up with a tray of corn. She announces "Its corn and corn alone day!" A tiny samurai jumps out of the corn and yells "Corn is no place for a mighty warrior!" Then The Ugly One announces that it is her sweet someteenth birthday party that night. Cheerleader says that the other girls "have...the...Olympics...tonight", but then The Ugly One explains it is a b/grl (boy/girl) "prty". The girls immediately drop their excuses, with the coach calling saying that "the Olympics are sooo dumb!", and get ready to look so good. An Olympic coach, appearing at an Olympic race in front of an Olympic man, swears that he "doesn't know what they're talking about."
An amazing 3D effect ensues. Strong Bad requests to see it again, and after viewing again the effect renders What's Her Face spinning for the remainder of the episode. She appears not to mind, yelling "Wheeeee!"
At the party, Cheerleader is caber tossed by a Scotsman, and What's Her Face is "lathe'd" by the tiny (yet still mighty) warrior whilst trying to eat corn chips. So and So approaches Tompkins and explains that she has broken up with her imaginary boyfriend Brett Bretterson. However, he refuses because he "has Bowser on the ropes" and So and So gets pøwned by a Koopa Shell.
Then, The Ugly One's dad (Manolios Ugly One) presents his daughter to the party - The Ugly One, who appears with a new hairstyle in a red dress. Strong Bad suddenly realises he has drawn this "new hotness." Just as the "Arrowed!" man from episode #1 appears and is about to end her life, Strong Bad interrupts his cry of "Arrowed II: Electric Boogaloo!" and instead draws himself into a new scene, asking The Ugly One out.
The episode ends with a scene at Strong Bad's desk, as he is making-out with the paper he has drawn on, with Strong Mad, Strong Sad and The Cheat looking on. Strong Sad asks, "Uh, Strong Bad, were you just first basing it with that piece of loose leaf?"
This episode has much smoother animation than anything else on Homestar Runner due to the higher frame rates needed to render the fantasmoriffic 3D effect scene.
Issue #11 - Eleven Division Titles!
Cheerleader: Cell Phone
So and So: Pager
What's Her Face: Rotary Phone
The Ugly One: Geiger Counter!
This issue is done on slightly crinkled paper. Also, the paper is a light blue color.
This year, summer camp will be "bombier than ever" because they have installed working toilet paper. The Ugly One states that she will miss the oak leaves. However, So and So can't go this year. The three other girls leave on the bus and tell So and So that they'll try to miss her.
At the mall, at the Shirt Folding Store, So and So says that she loves the mall, and wishes the mall could be her ring tone. Suddenly, So and So's boss appears and screams at her, and tells her to go back to work. An astronaut appears and punches the boss, killing her. He says that she killed his dog, and flies away.
Back at summer camp, Cheerleader decides that she will bunk with The Ugly One. What's Her Face is stuck with bunking with a tall, sickly, raccoon girl.
At the Shirt Folding Store, a fat man asks "Mark" for a present for his wife. He coughs up a baseball stadium just as a double play is starting. He then points out that it is not his wife.
At camp, Cheerleader and The Ugly One canoe over to a boy's camp. There, they meet Science Fiction Greg and D n' D Greg arguing over whether their camp is a village or star system. At Cheerleader's request, Science-Fiction Greg takes off his shirt. A blinding voip comes out of his chest, striking Cheerleader, killing her.
At the Shirt Folding Store, So and So finds a cute shirt and thinks about shoplifting it.
Back at the boy's camp, a counselor starts playing a campfire song, with The Ugly One and What's Her Face singing along. A maniac in a speedo comes with a chainsaw and kills all three of them. Strong Bad announces "It's Over!" Then, So and So is in jail, talking with criminals, discussing their future.
Issue #12 - Vamlumtimes Day!
To celebrate Valentine's Day the 'ink' is colored red instead of the usual black.
Introductions:
- Cheerleader: Red Undies!
- So and So: Whitman's Sampler!
- What's Her Face: Black Roses!
- The Ugly One: Pink Eye!
As it opens, the girls are performing a "valentimes" (-tines) [sic] cheer, So-and-so refuses to say the word "valentimes" improperly like the others are. They stop when they realize that they have no way to get "several boys". So-and-So suggests mock U.N. medals, while What's Her Face guesses that unflattering clothing would work, and the Ugly One asks if voodoo is the key. She then takes out a voodoo doll of Arrow'd Guy and sticks a few needles into it. Cheerleader thinks that they are "adorable" and will "visit them at the convent or library someday." On that note So-and-So claims she will be found in the "reference section."
A boy with a badly grown soul patch walks by and is approached by Cheerleader because she wants a valentine. After he delivers though, she calls him "Peter Puberty" and whacks him on the head with a club so that she can get even more valentines. Right about then, two boys are walking by What's her face calling out "Band Name." To possibly impress them, What's Her Face replies, "Uh, hi. I like music... and um... cloth." The other boy asks the "band name" boy, "Did that dude just tell you she likes cloth?" The "band name" boy then believes "She likes cloth" is a "good band name".
Meanwhile, now that Cheerleader has a valentine card from "every football player except one", The Ugly One announces that she has a card from "every lunch lady except one". The lunch lady that denied her a valentine is shown as the skeletal Mrs. Embalmo, who is crouched over the lunch food, assumably dead. Arrow'd Guy (who is decorated in a top hat and a nose ring) leaps out with an Ugly One voodoo doll proclaiming "BAD JUJU" and sticks needles into the doll, killing The Ugly One.
What’s Her Face is about to inform Ugly One's "next of fruit cup" when Cheerleader gets angry and tell her “Valentimes is serious times.”
So-and-so, tired of the word's bad spelling, dares to correct Cheerleader with “tines.” This makes Cheerleader even angrier. Suddenly, a fork with a mustache is driving in an oncoming racecar with an engine sounding like said correction, runinng over So-and-so.
Getting back to her priorities, cheerleader tells What’s Her Face that “Vamlumtimes is serious times,” and proclaims that if she doesn’t obtain enough valentines, she’d lose her "Mindy Cred". A that point, a group of cheerleaders are seen bowing and groveling in front of a portrait of 'Mindy' (Head Cheerleader from 1984-87).
Cheerleader moves on to plan "TXT" where she then starts text messaging the school president about being his "Valentime". He agrees but is a bit puzzled at Cheerleader's apparent emoticon of '<B'.
Out of nowhere the Wireless Wizard appears and shames the two for texting when they are standing next to each other. He looks at more of Cheerleader's undecipherable emoticon and proclaims that what she thinks is a "frontways" [sic] Cupid (>KO)->) is actually a USB dongle goblin. Then, a USB Dongle Goblin flies in and rips apart Cheerleader and the school president.
The Wireless Wizard then turns his attention towards What’s Her Face and hits on her. She takes his offer to go find a "remote access point". He sweeps her away inquiring if she liked cloth.
Teen Girl Squad Deaths
Throughout the issues of Teen Girl Squad, the girls seem to constantly die, but come back to life. Below is a table listing the times that the teen girls meet their demise. Repeatedly.
| Issue Number | Cheerleader | So and So | What's her Face | The Ugly One |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Issue 1 | N/A | Voiped | Punted | Arrowed |
| Issue 2 | N/A | N/A | Hit with a bat | N/A |
| Issue 3 | N/A | N/A | Met a possum | MSG'D |
| Issue 4 | Cerebellum'd | Fell in a bottomless pit | Hit by pounds | Hit by potatoes |
| Issue 5 | Sailing mishap | Punted | N/A | N/A |
| Issue 6 | 3 noses'd | row 6, cell 3 | Wave o' babies'd | Two'd |
| Issue 7 | Squished/Eaten | Eaten | Eaten | Eaten |
| Issue 8 | Eaten | 12 sided die'd | Eaten | Floor tommed, step-mommed, Pom Pommed |
| Issue 9 | Driver's ed'ed dead | Not very good review'd | Staple sauce'd | BFF'd |
| Issue 10 | Caber Tossed | P0wned | Lathe'd | (almost) Arrowed II |
| Issue 11 | Blinding voip'd | Arrested | Mainac in a speedo'd | Mainac in a speedo'd |
| Issue 12 | USB Dongle goblin'd | Tines'd | N/A | Bad juju'd |
TGS Easter Eggs
(Almost all of the TGS Easter Eggs so far show up at the "It's Over" screen at the end of the comics.)
Issue #1: Clicking on What's Her Face's grave shows a 'comic-version' of Strong Bad trying to hit on Cheerleader and asking her out on a date. (On the strongbad email.exe DVD the email containing this cartoon, the Easter Egg automatically plays at the end of the toon.)
Issue #2: No Easter Eggs are present.
Issue #3: No Easter Eggs are present.
Issue #4: Click on the 'O' to show what happened to What's Her Face and The Ugly One after their last scene. And click on the '!' to show that So-and-so is still down in the Spirit Pit.
Issue #5: Click on the 'O' in Now to show a 'techno-remixed' version of the college guys' beach scene in tune with the theme music.
Issue #6: Click on the 'O' to see Cheerleader and What's Her Face play Marco Polo together.
Issue #7: Click on the 'O' to see Mrs. Commanderson introduce the new student Thomas, and see how he and What's Her Face became friends. And click on the '!' to see just who exactly Mrs. Commanderson is REALLY working for...
Issue #8: Click on the 'O' to see the mysterious Breadtangle of Pizza, as well as three other tasty geometric snacks. And click on the '!' to see what happened to Tompkins when he was called into the "Principal's" Office.
Issue #9: Click on the 'O' to see Science-Fiction Greg brag about how the ladies and valkyries are all over him. And click on the '!' to see the Overachiever Bandit strike again.
Issue #10: Click on the 'O' to see Manolios Ugly One's commercial for his electronics store. And click on the '!' to see all four girls come up with ideas to celebrate the tenth anniversary issue, and then see Strong Bad's response.
Issue #11: Click on the 'O' to see What's Her Face's bunkmate ask her to help her inject 17 shots before she goes into a coma.
Issue #12: When two boys mention "she likes cloth" for the second time, click on those words to see a CD cover. At the end: Click on the 'I' to see a Valentine's Day card from the USB dongle goblin, who appears in the issue. Click on the 'O' to see D'n'D Greg and Science-Fiction Greg talk about What's Her Face. Click on the '!' to see Mindy (who was referred to in the issue) and three other girls.
Strong Bad E-mail #104 (Theme Park): Strong Bad starts to read the e-mail as Cheerleader, but quickly clears his throat. When he says the word buisness(business spelled wrong), click on it to bring up a 'cut' TGS panel. The scene shows an angry Cheerleader telling off a sad The Ugly One, who says: "The Ugly One, why you always gotta be all up in my bweez-NASS?".
Strong Bad E-mail #118 (Virus): When the entire site goes haywire, the King of Town is transported into TGS issue '#3.14159265 and the rest' (effectively issue #π, or at least an approximation) where The Ugly One 's mouth becomes huge and disproportioned, and she stops talking through speech bubbles. She states, "I can do it! I can do it nine times!" Then her arm grows and she slaps the King of Town repeatedly, then goes to a 'Loading...' screen, then to a version of the Windows 'It's now safe to shut down your computer' screen. A similar event occurs in The Cheat cartoon, in which Strong Bad kicks Homestar in the face nine times.
Strong Bad E-mail #141 (Death Metal): Strong Bad's example of a terrible band, "Brainkrieg", is rendered in TGS style. After the E-mail is over, click on the word "deafening" to see a scene of Cheerleader and What's Her Face at the concert.
What's Her Face: Cheerleader, are you here to see Brainkrieg?
Cheerleader: I come for the wuggas, but stay for the jiggy-juggas.
Holiday Toon (HomestarRunner.com: PAY PLUS!): A parody of advertisements for paid websites; announcements such as Free 7 second trial!!, WEBCAM CHAT WITH THE CREATORS OR SOMEONE ELSE! and More humor! Finer dining! are made to show what it might look like if the website were to cost its users ONLY $12.95 MONTHLY! JUST $99.95 YEARLY! SIGN UP FOREVER! On page four of the "tour," an extra free sample here of the teenage girl show is available, in which Cheerleader (sporting a dress labeled sperld rott'n) is asked to the Friday Night Dance by The Wheelchair, but chooses instead to go with Eh! Steve. The Wheelchair declares that he will show up at the dance regardless, showing everyone "who's who(oooooooo)." Arrowed Guy then shows up with a fairy wand, and with a GOOD DRAWINGED!! The Wheelchair becomes a much more refined sketch of itself, proclaiming "i'm a real boy!!"
Trivia
- In the Marvel Comics series Runaways, a character refers to the titular team (with only one male member) as the "Teen Girl Squad".
- In the video game Tony Hawk's American Wasteland, when you hit the ceiling in the Vans Park area, the screen brings up the phrases "Children'd", "Arrowed", and "MSG'd".