Snipe hunt

A snipe hunt, also known as a fool's errand or wild goose chase, is one of a class of practical jokes that involves experienced people making fun of newcomers by giving them an impossible or imaginary task.

For example, inexperienced campers are told about a bird or animal called the snipe as well as a usually ridiculous method of catching it, such as running around the woods carrying a bag or making strange noises. Incidentally, the Snipe (a family of shorebirds) is difficult to catch for experienced hunters, so much so that the word "sniper" is derived from it to refer to anyone skilled enough to shoot one[1].

Fool's errands

Fool's errands are tasks that cannot be accomplished because of fate or because it is a joke. They are often employed as hazing or to remove annoying subordinates and/or idiots. They mainly come in two varieties: trying to find something that does not exist, or trying to accomplish an impossible task. Others who are aware of the prank will often redirect the victim to several different places.

Common items

a long stand, long weight (wait), or a long felt want
a left-handed hammer, glass hammer, screwdriver, wrench, pliers, smokeshifter etc.
a plinth ladder
a length of WLAN cable
a light bulb repair kit
dehydrated water
a current brush for electrical outlets
a learning curve
Headlight fluid
Push or pull broom

Work crews, workshops and so on

a PVC pipe bender (PVC Pipe is bent using a torch however metal pipe is bent with a pipe bender).
a bucket of vacuum, steam, sparks (especially sparks for the grinder), electricity, prop-wash and similar
a left-handed wrench, hammer, or screwdriver.
left-handed screws for the left-handed screwdriver.
a bottle of wood-expanding fluid (for someone who has cut wood too short)
a box of grid squares
a metric adjustable spanner
a can of striped, rainbow, polka-dot, DPM camo or tartan paint
a can of elbow grease
a wire stretcher for electricians (usually described in great detail to an apprentice who is sent to find it)
a can of pipe-stretcher (usually described in detail to an apprentice who is sent to find it when a run of conduit is a few inches short).
a grid-leak drip-pan (from the days of vacuum tubes)
a board stretcher
a rafter jack
a foot of fallopian tube (also used in hospitals)
a sky hook
a short ten-footer
a box of glass or rubber nails.
a bubble for a spirit level
a metric hammer
a box of head joints
an aluminium magnet
a box of spots for the spotwelder
Fluorescent tube bender
ID10-T tool (idiot tool)
Toe Nails (in Carpentry, a toe nail is a normal nail hammered into one side of a piece of wood at angle to hold it to something touching a side 90 degrees away)
A sixteen-amp (or other) short circuit (electricians)
A box of Nine Inch Nails
Buttons (for a new coat of paint)
A bucket of Ohms (electricians)

Oil field

Key to the 'V' door
Calibrate the Sheave wheels (Logging)
Fill a bucket with steam

Mechanic shops

Muffler bearings
Spark plugs for a diesel engine (diesel engines do not use spark plugs, though they may use glow plugs)
Bougie sparks
Having someone check the coolant level for an air-cooled engine (such as in an older Volkswagen or a Deutz AG engine).
Radiator hose for an air-cooled engine
Having someone check the rear differential on a front wheel drive car (there is no rear differential on a front wheel drive vehicle).
Blinker fluid or blinker fluid reservoir
Winter air for tires
Muffler belt
Electric fan belt
Carburetor thrust washer
Flux capacitor for a DeLorean (which is what makes time travel possible)
Fluorescent tube bender
Halogen fluid (Halogens are normally gasses, and are usually kept in sealed headlamp bulbs.)
Having someone change the transmission exhaust manifold
Exhaust Manifold Modulation Switch
Ask to replace the rice (works only on sport compacts)
Piston return spring
Wiper blade sharpener
Can of compression
Spots for the spot welder
Any part for a 1983 Chevrolet Corvette
Piston or camshaft parts for a rotary engine (such as in an RX-7 or RX-8)
Crankcase lights

Scouting

Teflon-coated sponges to clean dutch ovens.
Dutch oven polish.
A bacon stretcher or soup slicer.
A "left-handed smoke-shifter", supposedly a device used to deflect smoke from a campfire.
A non-existent electrical outlet in the woods, or a "tree adapter"
A sky hook, for hanging tarps/rain flies from the sky.
A length of "shore line" — often campers will be sent to the waterfront to get this.
Dehydrated water, styrofoam stakes, or the glass hammer. Generally used less often, as these items are self-contradictory, and most marks will get wise to the joke.
Spaghetti peeler; the story goes that your Mom gets her spaghetti "unpeeled" at the store. Often upon going to see the cook or quartermaster store will be asked additional questions: right or left handed, metal or wood, brass or aluminum, large or small.
Compass water, supposedly the water that is inside your compass that somehow gets depleted over time.
Keys to the oarlocks.
Tent-peg-hole filler, a tub of earth to fill in holes made by tent pegs.
The original snipe hunt.
Metric tree wrench - No one knows what it does, but we can't get the dining fly up without it.
A tent stretcher.
Lantern fuel for a specific color of lantern. (Red lantern fuel for red lanterns, e.g.)
Horizontal tent pegs
An electronic tent dryer
Rope grease - to allow rope to slide over tree branches easier while hoisting a load.
Elbow Grease (how else are you to get the work done?)
Left-handed hammer
Underwater Basketry Merit Badge - this is only used at summer camps, where Scouts are told to go find the underwater basketry merit badge, usually at the waterfront.
Inverted rain flies.

General military

Brass magnet (on firing range)
Relative bearing grease
Winter air for tires
Lightstick batteries - also chemlight batteries, lightstick fluid, a chemlight recharger, or chemlight refuel kit
Electricity dust
A can of night vision
A can of beep for the horn, a can of radio squelch, or a can of track tension
A length of chow line (the line in a mess hall), gig line, or flight line
Radar contacts
10 feet of waterline
Cannon report (The sound of a cannon being fired)
Boom test - Where the soldier yells "boom" through the barrel of a cannon (howitzer) to test the acoustics
Frequency oil
Squelch grease
Headlight fluid
A box of grid squares
A box of ground guides
Gallon of checkered paint
"Go paint the last post" (Commonwealth military nations)
Can of muzzle blast
Reverse lights for a Humvee (military versions do not have reverse lights)
Keys to a Humvee (military versions don't use them)
Blank Firing Adaptor (BFA) for a field gun (Rifles have them: field guns don't)
PRC-E8 Radio - Pronounced "Prick E8" where E8 is the rank of First Sergeant (From the PRC-119 Field Radio)
Exhaust samples - Oil samples are taken weekly from military vehicles, so many a new Private is sent to collect "exhaust samples". This entails taping a garbage bag over the tailpipe and turning on the engine.
Shock absorber test. A new soldier is told to jump up and down on top of an armored vehicle to "test the shocks".
A box of ohms
"Go pet the gama goat" – the gama goat was an amphibious vehicle, not an animal
Armor flaws – New privates are given chalk and a hammer and asked to mark armor for tanks and armored personnel carriers with x's wherever the armor may sound weak. Inevitably, the tank commander (usually an officer or senior NCO) returns to a vehicle covered with chalk marks.
Stack of 0311s (Marines)- 0311 is the MOS Designater for a Rifleman in the Marine Corps. Upon asking, the Private is usually "dogpiled".
The keys for the indoor mortar range
Can of military bearings - military bearing is the manner in which a servicemember comports himself.
A smoke deflector for a grenade launcher
High Octane Rifle Gas (Most Auto / Semi Auto Rifles are Gas Operated meaning they use the gas from the current round to recock the weapon, if the weapon is closed bolt then it will also load a new round)
Radio Net Large or Small (Actually a group of radios all on the same freq)
Unscrewing the Turret - Private is told to spin the turret repeatedly in order to unscrew it for inspection.
Radio link cutters or radio link tightener

Nomenclature which doesn't exist:

BA-1100 November (balloon)
TR-2E (tree)
TR-Double E (tree)
ST-1 (stone)
ID10-Tango Form (idiot form)
K9-P Solution (canine pee)
A.S.H. Receiver (ash tray)

Aviation and airborne military units

canopy lights (for parachute canopies; supposedly for night jumps)
afterburner flints
a bottle of prop wash (the airflow from a propeller)
a bottle of jet wash.
<some number of feet> of flight line.
a bottle of rotor wash for helicopters (Just recently, a supplier to the U S Army did send us something for our Blackhawks. A 55 gal drum of rotor wash for keeping the rotor blades clean. It will sit in the hanger until the cows come home or until a Private asks for it.)
the key to the approach gate (the airspace an aircraft flies through during its landing approach)
a length of flight line (part of an airfield)
roof rack (generally reserved for cargo transports, common among commercial aviation)
Keys to the drop zone
an air sample while the aircraft is at a certain altitude (special plastic bag filled with ambient cabin air and then presented to the base weather shop upon landing)
F-18 main screw (on the F18 nose there is a screw at the very front of the radome. Newbies are told that this screw runs the length of the aircraft and should it be removed the aircraft will fall apart)
Test the manual intercom (some aircraft have tubes in the cockpit that resemble the antique telephones talking part [conical shaped]. These are actually pilot relief tubes. Newbies are told that they require testing so he/she is required to talk into it to test it)
Position yourself on the flight line and maintain watch for an incoming B-1RD (bird)
Test the seismic sensors along the flight line (send a new airman to jump on a set of taxi way lights while security and tower personnel watch the 'victim' in his futility)
Batteries for the vortex generator

Often, competing companies in commercial aviation will work together when someone is being sent for an item. New employees will be sent to another company's section of the airport, only to be told that company does not have what the employee seeks, but another does.

Naval units

the golden rivet
"mail buoy watch" a non-existent buoy a sailor is asked to watch for
a bucket of propeller pitch or propeller wash or a can of jet wash
several feet of fallopian tube (also a popular prank in civilian hospitals)
the keys to the ship
sound powered phone batteries
bulkhead remover
a length of waterline, shoreline or gig line (See U.S. Navy slang)
relative bearing grease
a bucket of A-1-R (Air)
report sighting of a CGU 11S (Seagulls)
keys to the sea chest (where a seawater pump takes suction or discharges overboard)
a sighting of a B1-RD off the port bow.
a machinist's punch (provided by an obliging Machinist's Mate)
boatswain's nuts
tool for drying the centreboard trunk (which cannot be dried unless the entire sea is)
"summon the duty neutron" on nuclear-powered ships, this is the neutron designated to start the nuclear reactor any time during the current watch
"get the keys to the stern gate" Amphibious ships have a stern gate to deploy LCACs, LCUs or small boats, usually opened hydraulically.
"Spurlash" When sending people to ask for a spurlash they are often greeted by being thrown in the water. Splash!
In the Russian Navy a new sailor is asked to cut off an arm of an anchor with a hand saw.
a deck stretcher
"sea bat" - A prank where a box or crate is placed upside down on the deck. A raw (new) sailor is told that to look at the very rare "sea bat", he should only lift the box just a little, so that it won't fly away. When the unsuspecting sailor bends over to take a peek, another sailor smacks him in the butt with a broom (bat). Usually take two or three episodes of this before the poor guy realizes what is really going on.
a bucket of fish to feed the "shaft seals" (which are actually the material that keeps water from entering the ship where the propellor shafts pass through the hull)
key to the wakewater tank
a length of chow line

Maritime

watering the compass rose
bringing water for the navigation light from the engine department, occasionally in separate bottles for red (port), green (starboard) and 'distilled (clear/white) colours

Farms and ranches

Replacement tractor suspension springs (tractors have no suspension system)
A rooster egg
The testicles of a cow or steer
A backward chain
A 1/3" wrench.
A saddle stretcher

Restaurant kitchens or catering

A bucket of steam
A square rolling pin
The bacon stretcher (it's a little metal thing with bars, ask to borrow one next door)
A rice peeler (we make ours from scratch)
A tub of elbow grease
A dough repair kit
A bucket of light sauce
A left handed pizza peel
The colander with no holes
A tin (or can) of chicken lips
Two pounds of salmon legs
A strawberry peeler
Powdered water
Lightbulb grease (fixes burned-out bulbs)
Pot dividers
A pan stretcher ("You weren't supposed to run that pan through the dishwasher, now it's shrunk. Go get the pan stretcher to stretch it back out.")
A glass magnet (to clean shards of broken glass from a sink)
A mince hook (supposedly for hanging up mince)
Asking the trainee to chop flour (usually being told it is to some end such as "to release the gluten")
Asking the trainee to find the squeegee sharpener.
Asking the trainee to wash the dirty water
Asking the trainee to mop the freezer (wet mops like to stick to the cold metal)
Asking the trainee to go get more sesame seeds for the buns
Asking a trainee to drain the hot water from the coffee maker (the orange valve connected to the tap; done "to keep the heating element from rusting. Very expensive to fix.")
Hot Dog buns at McDonalds
Sweep the apron (I work in a hotel converted from an old airport - the apron is the runway out the back).
Leg of Salmon

Bartenders

Left handed wine key
A left-handed shaker tin
Cuba Libre cocktail mix
Cape Cod cocktail mix
Banana juice
Margarita Ice

Theater tech crews

Hang a light on the skyhooks.
When focusing ellipsoidal spotlights, if the shutter can't make a cut, the victim is asked to find a can of "beam stop."
Put a gobo in the fresnel spotlight. (Only ellipsoidal reflector spotlights use gobos)
When scenery or backdrops are being painted, the rookie is sent to find a "paint eraser" (usually told in great detail where it is and what it looks like)
Given an old light gel made of actual gelatin, a newbie is told to wash the gel, but to be very careful, as it is the only gel they have. Such gels dissolve in water.
Another trick involving gels is to have the newbie fetch a "gel stretcher" after putting the gel in warm water to soften. Not only will they have a very difficult time finding a non-existent tool but the gel should have dissolved by the time they get back to it.

Motion Picture Sets

A bag of F-stops (the exposure markings on the side of a camera lens).
A roll of Reverse ND or Minus ND (a neutral density filter is used in front of camera lenses, and neutral density gel in front of lighting units to lower the amount of light entering the lens or being projected from the light. Filters only ever subtract light, they cannot add light).
A bulb-repair kit, to repair a blown light bulb.
When a new grip is helping to set up the camera dolly, and they set it on the rails backwards, the person is told that they've pulled the left-hand dolly (or southpaw dolly) from the truck, and that they'll need to go back and get the right-hand dolly for this shot. It will look exactly the same as this dolly, but the dolly will face the opposite way. While they go off to the grip truck to look for it, the rest of the grips merely flip the dolly on the track.

Miscellaneous

In a busy office: a day stretcher. "Call Office Depot and order me a week's worth of day stretchers."
In marching bands: the cymbal key (supposedly for tuning cymbals)
In Drum Corps and Marching bands: turf spray (for marching on astroturf)
In hotels: a room that does not exist
In electronics: a can of bias grease
In computers: a write only memory WOM
In television: the chroma key to open the genlock
Also in television: additional time code to refill a tape machine that is running out
In baseball: the keys to the batter's box, the left handed fungo bat, a container of curveballs.
In the grocery business: food for the lobsters (which don't need to be fed)
Also in the grocery business: A shelf stretcher
In lumberyards: A hydraulic board stretcher.
In chemistry laboratories: a bucketful of benzene rings.(A benzene ring is the name of a type of molecular structure)
In newspapers: a paper stretcher, or a word stretcher (for stretching words to fit in a column)
In restaurants the (any food) repair kit, e.g. the pizza repair kit.
Also in restaurants: To clean, bring drinks to, etc. a table that doesn't exist (in the case of relatively new hires who only partially know the table numbers).
In landscaping: the block stretcher (supposed to stretch bricks to fit into oversized areas)
In trucking: To pick up a load of sailboat fuel.
In health care: To fetch a fallopian tube (actually a part of the female reproductive tract)
To a panicked chatterbox: A muffle cover.
In boating (especially whitewater): Bowline detachment tool (the bowline is detached by hand). This gag often involves several companies.
In any building: asking a new employee to go get something (an actual item) from the basement...when there really is no basement
In coin collecting: A 1975 United States Quarter (two years of the 1976 bicentennial quarter were minted. No 1975 Quarters were minted).
In lifeguarding: The keys to the oar locks.
In lifeguarding: A jar of shark repellent. (Sometimes a lifeguard at a different beach will disappear and return with a jar of urine, filled to the top, so it is difficult to carry without spilling it on one's hands.)
The American filmmaker, Don Siegel was told, as a Warner Brothers film library apprentice to "go and get a bag of sprocket holes" that the film librarian desperately needed.
In theaters or stores: Counting the gumballs in a gumball machine (new employees are generally given plastic gloves and told to count them one by one.)
In theaters or stores: Refilling the water fountains (new employees are given a bucket and told to fill it with water and pour it into the water fountain's drain to 'refill' it.)
In old school technical circles with reel to reel data tapes, you had a newbie look for a box of EOT (end of tape) markers, because the box he was holding were full of "BOT (beginning of tape) markers" - and that, "my gawd man!", would crash the computer trying to read the tape. (ah, yea... there is no difference)
In printing, a box of halftone dots.
On mountainous highways, rowdy children on long road trips can be told to watch for 'Falling Rock', the Indian chief, as many of said highways contain Falling Rock warning signs.
Watering the plants in a location with artificial plants (Warning: may cause the potting material to rot if left to an especially gullible employee.)
Asking a trainee to retrieve something from the basement. Causes the trainee to look in every door for stairs. (Only works when there is no basement.)
In Department/Grocery Stores, telling the trainee to go outside and flip the switch for the parking lot lights (which come on automatically at dark).
On the Internet, port scanning or hacking the IP 127.0.0.1 or ::1.

Regional

In Bavaria, tourists were taken on extended expeditions to search for chamois eggs, or on all-night Wolpertinger stakeouts. In Scotland, tourists are told about the wild haggis hunts, while in the Western United States, they may be warned about the savage jackalope.

In crafting circles in Sweden and Norway, it is popular to send someone looking for a "synvinkel" or an "ögonmått", this supposedly being some kind of measuring tool. ("Synvinkel" is a reference to a set square, which is "vinkelhake" in Swedish. The expression "synvinkel" actually means "point of view" though. "Ögonmått" is similar, meaning measuring by eye)

In Australia, foreigners may be warned to remain alert for drop bears, mythical creatures that are a popular joke amongst the locals.

In Wyoming, natives warn tourists to watch out for rattlesnake eggs. (Rattlesnakes don't lay eggs; they give birth to live offspring.)

In France, particularly in mountains like the Alps or the Jura Mountains, tourists are send to hunt the "dahu". The dahu is a fantastic mamifer and has left legs shorter than the right ones, which make easier for him to walk on the side of the mountains. A practical way to hunt the beast is to call him from the back: it turns around and falls, because of its long legs on the top and his short legs on the bottom.

In the country near farms, city dwellers are convinced to take part in the local pastime of cow tipping. The mark is informed that cows sleep standing up and if you push them real hard they will fall over. This sport is best performed at night while the cows are supposedly asleep and after the victim of the joke has had several beers.

Popular culture

Variations of snipe hunts are a common plot device in comic literature, including:

In Episode 3 of Season 6 of the Gilmore Girls, Tom, the contractor working on Lorelai's house, sends TJ, Luke's brother-in-law, on a hunt for a "mystic hammer". He eventually finds one and says, "It took all day, but here's your mystic hammer. It doesn't look much different from a regular hammer..." Tom replies, "Well, that's the beauty of the mystic hammer." Later, TJ enters angrily saying he talked to his friend who was a contractor and was told there was no such thing as a "mystic hammer".
In the premiere episode of the US cartoon Doug, the titular character is pressured by bully Roger Klotz into searching a local pond for a "neema toad", a play on the word nematode.
In the machinima comedy series Red vs. Blue, the newly arrived Private Donut of the red team is sent to "the store" for elbow grease and headlight fluid while Private Caboose of the blue team was sent by Tucker and Church to stand at attention for an imaginary General who comes and inspects the base and the most important part of the base, the flag. (Through a rather amusing turn of events, Donut entered the blue base and took the flag, thinking Caboose was the store clerk, since they had no elbow grease or headlight fluid, while Caboose thought Donut was the "general".)
In an episode of the cartoon Ren and Stimpy (season 4, episode 2b, entitled: "Eat my Cookies"), Ren and Stimpy join the "Barette Baret Girls Camp" (a reference to the Scouts). In an effort to attain 'the snipe-hunting badge,' Stimpy goes on a snipe hunt. Before Stimpy leaves on his snipe hunt, Ren claims "There's no such thing as snipes! It's a practical joke!"
In an episode of King of the Hill, Bobby and his friends are sent on a snipe hunt and wind up injuring an endangered whooping crane, believing it to be a snipe.
In the pilot episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, "Help Wanted", SpongeBob is sent off to look for a "nonexistent" spatula (a hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive), which he finds.
In an episode of The Wayne Manifesto Violet and Squocka are working on a construction site and told to do a long stand. They end up standing for thirty minutes waiting for instructions.
In an episode of Cheers, the guys at the bar take Frasier snipe hunting in the woods, and drive off, leaving him. On his return, he manages to convince the others that he had a great time, and fools them into going on another snipe hunt, while planning to take the car and abandon them.
In the DC Comics mini-series JLA: Year One, Green Lantern asks the naïve to the surface world Aquaman to find a "bulb wrench".
In the episode "Great Snipe Hunt" from the cartoon Camp Lazlo, Lumpus sends the Bean Scouts on a snipe hunt.
In the daily comic FoxTrot by Bill Amend, the characters Jason and Peter send their father on a snipe hunt in the woods outside of Uncle Ralph's Cabin.
In the movie Hackers, new students at a high school are informed of what turns out to be a nonexistent pool on the school's roof. The door from the roof to the school locks behind the students. When Kate Libby's latest victim, new student Dade Murphy, is sent on the roof to look at the pool, he returns hours later soaking wet, having spent the time in the rain. As Dade walks by, Kate exclaims to her friends, "He found the pool on the roof." This practical joke backfires on Kate when Dade hacks into the school's sprinkler test system and schedules the sprinklers to go off one morning. When Kate asks Dade what is going on, as he is standing underneath an umbrella, Dade answers, "The pool on the roof must have a leak."
In one episode of Holby City (Team Holby) Kyla Tyson sends soon-to-be Doctor Matt Parker for a long stand on Darwin Ward after overhearing him complaining about the multi-disciplinary training he is on. He is told to wait by the desk for a minute by Chrissie Williams, until Sam Strachan (Tom Chambers) lets him in on the joke a few hours later.
In the novel Gust Front, Thomas Sunday is sent on a search for a can of "nannite undercoating", for which he jokingly substitutes K-Y Jelly.
In the Dragonlance novel, Brothers in Arms, Kitiara recalls a snipe hunt from when she and her half-brothers Caramon and Raistlin were children.
In an episode of the TV series Tour of Duty, Lieutenant Goldman is sent out on a snipe hunt into enemy territory by his rival, Lieutenant Johnny McKay.
In the episode of the TV series Kim Possible, The Twin Factor, Dr. Drakken tells Shego (who is currently under mind control) to do a series of unnecessary tasks, one of which being to get a dodo bird, which is impossible since it is extinct.
In a first season episode of Carnivàle, Ben Hawkins is told to 'clean out the (non-existent) baggage trailer' as a joke after joining the carnival. He nonetheless finds a baggage trailer filled with eclectic and mysterious items, that then mysteriously vanishes. He is later able to summon it to appear at will with his full measure of avataric powers.
In Avatar: The Last Airbender, after bestowing his trademark scar upon his son, Fire Lord Ozai banishes and charges Prince Zuko with the task of finding and returning with the long lost Avatar. Ozai does this with the assumption made from previous expeditions that the Avatar was long dead.
In the episode of Walker, Texas Ranger titled "The Siege", C.D. Parker and Walker trick Trivette into hunting for snipe while they're on vacation.
Was the subject of a Jeff & Jeff prank call titled "Brian Goes Snipe Hunting"