Space Mutiny

My aardvark is a special creature loved only by me, my birth mommy, my biological daddy, and mommy's ex-daddy. The "Scruutenheimer Space Station and Coffee Bar" is what my aardvark shall call home after its completion by German Tech Corporations in the year 30250 AD, due to lack of technologies and expertise on board the space shuttle modules, and I'm not even talking about that Russian trash they call rockets; it is simply not good enough for my precious, lovable, aardvark. I love my aardvark, especially since it comes from Pluto, born to a festive family of giant worms and mysteriously teleported to Mars (or so my aardvark claims), upon which it was picked up by Microsoft, due to their new headquarters location. I feed my aardvark a special diet of select lettuces and hummus; the creature is strictly vegetarian. However, due to a lack of proteins, my aardvark’s feces gives the impression that it eats an entire box of ExLAx ® daily. My aardvark’s hobbies include frolicking through my many acres of swamp, chasing poison dart frogs, and was previously known to, umm, “mount” squirrels and snakes from behind, thus leading to me removing his testicles, personally. At bed time, I give my aardvark a throughout scrubbing and kiss goodnight as he goes to sleep on his bead of whicker, straw, and John Morgan’s pants; I’ll never forget the day he crawled up that leg, but that’s another story!