Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow
 |
 | This article's plot summary may be too long or excessively detailed. (February 2009) |
| "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow" |
|---|
"Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow" (a.k.a "Today") is the 8th episode of the 9th season of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired October 19, 2005.
Plot
Stan and Cartman are playing in a boat (which Cartman claims is his uncle's) when Cartman dares Stan to drive the boat, claiming he'll take the blame if trouble arises, resulting in them accidentally crashing the boat into the world's largest beaver dam, flooding the town of Beaverton. Cartman declares that Stan is in big trouble, and that the boat was just some random guy's boat. Stan and Cartman try to hide their involvement, which of course is constantly jeopardized.
Meanwhile, the flood had a worse outcome than Stan expected. The people of Beaverton are in a Hurricane Katrina-like situation, with some of the town stuck on their roofs. The media begins reporting horrific scenes of violence and even cannibalism in the city, though they haven't actually seen these things happening. Furthermore, their statistics of deaths are in the 100s of millions despite knowing the town only has a population of 8000. Nobody really tries to help the situation, but would rather figure out who to blame (George W. Bush, terrorists, FEMA, etc.). The scientists (led by Randy) in town, called in to examine the phenomenon, all declare at a conference (based on no evidence) that the disaster is the result of global warming. At first it is determined the full effects will take place on the day after tomorrow. However, some scientists suddenly burst in and state that it has been proven that the disaster will take place "Two days before the day after tomorrow" to which Randy responds "Oh my God...That's today!"
The declaration of the scientists causes mass hysteria, and everybody runs from the "global warming", in a scene parodying monster films, to the point of when the twonfolk run from "Global Warming", a man trips and is left for dead, and begins to act like he's being eaten. Most of the South Park people crowd in the community center. Randy persistently states that global warming is causing an ice age outside that would kill them if they left. A reporter reports that 600 billion people have died in Chicago alone. Randy also says, within the hour, the temperature outside will fall to over 70 million degrees below zero, although absolute zero is just -459.67 °F (-273.15 °C). He eventually realizes the diagram he draws on a map to show said climate changes make the shape of a penis. Stan, after admitting to Kyle that he was the cause of the Beaverton flood (Cartman had warned earlier that if Stan confessed to Kyle, Kyle would "Jew him out") leaves with him and Cartman to rescue the people by boat. The attempt is a disaster in itself: they wind up crashing into an oil refinery, compounding the problems of the stranded people who now must deal with drowning and fire. Randy, Gerald, and Stephen brave the supposed ice age to find their sons, dressed in multiple coats despite the fact that the sun is out (they end up collapsing in the street due to heat exhaustion, which Randy explains is one of the last stages of hypothermia). Meanwhile, Pentagon scientists declare they found the true source of the flood.
At this point the Army comes to rescue the boys, but Cartman tries to stop Kyle at gunpoint, demanding he give up his "Jew gold" so that Cartman can be rich for the rest of his life. Cartman had claimed throughout the episode that all Jews secretly hoarded gold while Kyle consistently denied it. It turns out Cartman is right, and Kyle not only has a bag of gold, but a decoy bag as well, which he gives to Cartman. Cartman calls his bluff, then Kyle throws his real gold into the fire so Cartman can't have it. They all leave the building and board the helicopter. Back at the town, everyone exits the shelter, and the Army reveals the real cause of the flood — Crab People. Stan finally admits that he broke the dam, but the people of the town think he means that everybody's responsible — they all begin to admit "I broke the dam", while Stan tries unsuccessfully to explain that he actually did it.
