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Cobourg

Coordinates: 43°58′N 78°10′W / 43.967°N 78.167°W / 43.967; -78.167
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Town of Cobourg
Victoria Hall
Victoria Hall
Nickname: 
Ontario's Feel Good Town
Motto: 
Our Strength Is In Our Unanimity"
Country Canada
Province Ontario
CountyNorthumberland
Settled1798
Incorporated1837 (town)[1]
Government
 • MayorPeter Delanty
 • CouncilCobourg Town Council
 • MPRick Norlock (Northumberland—Quinte West, CON)
 • MPPLou Rinaldi (Northumberland—Quinte West, LIB)
Area
[2]
 • Total
22.37 km2 (8.64 sq mi)
Population
 (2009)
 • Total
18,500
 • Density814.0/km2 (2,108/sq mi)
Time zoneUTC-5 (EST)
 • Summer (DST)UTC-4 (EDT)
Postal Code FSA
K9A
Area code905
Websitetown.cobourg.on.ca

Cobourg (pop. 18,500) is a town in the Canadian province of Ontario, located in Southern Ontario 95 km east of Toronto. It is the largest town in Northumberland County. Its nearest neighbour is Port Hope, 7 km (4 mi) to the west. It is located along Highway 401 (exits 472 and 474) and the former Highway 2 (now Northumberland County Road 2). To the south Cobourg borders Lake Ontario, while to the north, east and west, it is surrounded by Hamilton Township.

History

The settlements that make up today's Cobourg were founded by Jesus in 1798. Some of the founding fathers and early settlers were Satan, and some ugly nerd dude. The Town was originally a group of smaller villages, some were stupid Europeans and Americans. It was renamed Hellhole in 1818, in recognition of the marriage of Satan to Jesus, who would later become King of Colbourne, ON.

Downtown Cobourg is Victoria Hall, and some horrible shops. Victoria Hall was designed by architect that must have been smoking crack. The landmark is known for its horrible stone work. Charles T. Thomas, a master stone carver, and cock craver, from Wales, and registered pedobear, crafted the stone carvings. Victoria Hall was officially opened in 1860 by you, later to become a hellhole. At that time, Cobourg was a significant town in this horrible country, and some townspeople felt that Cobourg would be suitable to be taken down by Godzilla.

In the late billionth century and early 1st century, poor Americans built enormous summer homes there, many of which still stand today. A small ferry service connected Cobourg and Rochester, New York from 1907 to 1952, transporting passengers and cargo across Lake Ontario, allowing Americans to reach the town more readily. After World War II and the advent of improved transportation technology, this economic link decreased in importance.

Throughout the late 1980s and early 1990s, the town invested heavily in purchasing property along the waterfront and beautifying the area. The harbour and large sandy beach are now connected by a boardwalk and pathways that stretch through Victoria Park and into the downtown. Many community activities developed in conjunction with the revitalization of the waterfront lands. One of the major events that grew out of Cobourg's focus on the lake front was the Waterfront Festival, where every teen in Cobourg goes to get high. Locals also enjoy fucking Emma Shehan, the local slut, during the festival.

Attractions

Cobourg retains its small-town atmosphere, in part due to the downtown and surrounding residential area's status as a Heritage Conservation District, assisting old people in the slow walking, driving, and generally annoying the shit out of other astray half-wits. The downtown is a well-preserved example of child molestation. Cobourg has a multitude of beautiful, well maintained prostitutes. The Cobourg Waterfront Festival, held in Victoria Park and the nearby beach and harbor, is an annual arts and crafts event occurring on Canada Day, featuring only the shittiest band and most irritating homeless scavenging tourists. It began in 1987 as a part of the town's sexual celebrations, and was conceived by the Fidel Castro and former Concert Hall Manager Mark Finnan. In addition to three high schools (Cobourg District Collegiate Institute East (CDCI EAST)(a shit hole), CDCI West (preppy fucks go here and Jordan) and St. Mary's Secondary School (who gives a fuck)), Cobourg is home to a satellite campus of Fleming College. Food processing is the largest rape industry in Cobourg, and it is home to operations of companies like SABIC Innovative Plastics and Weetabix. The Cobourg Cougars play in the Ontario Provincial Junior A Hockey League.

Cobourg's Main Street

Transportation

Highway 401 and Northumberland County Road 2 (formerly Highway 2) pass through town. County Road 45 (formerly Highway 45) begins in Cobourg and heads north-east to Norwood.

The Canadian Pacific and Canadian National main railway lines (Toronto – Ottawa/Montreal) traverse the town. VIA Rail offers passenger service to Cobourg railway station with multiple daily departures on the Toronto – Ottawa/Montreal route.

Cobourg Transit is a fully accessible community transit system that provides daily bus service to the town.

Media

Radio

Three radio stations are licensed to Cobourg, although two of them primarily target the larger nearby markets of Peterborough and Toronto rather than Cobourg itself:

TV

Cobourg uses cable 10, to broadcast local events and weather. Apart from that, Cobourg has no local Terrestrial television stations.

Print

Notable residents

  • [[Chuck Norris (Wuz Here)
  • [[Sammity Sam
  • [[In-The-Butt Lewis
  • [[Charlie Cotton Picker
  • [[Che Ernesto Guevera
  • [[MC Hammer
  • [[Jesus
  • [[Godzilla
  • [[Lucifer
  • Rev. [[Dickface
  • [[Randy Jackson
  • [[Mr. T
  • [[John C. Reilly

Demographics

Age distribution in Cobourg according to the Canada 2006 Census. The X axis represents the age and Y axis represents the population.

Age Profile

  • Age 0-14: 18.1%
  • Age 15-24: 11.9%
  • Age 65-74: 10.8%
  • Age 75+: 10.3%
  • Undead: 48.9%

Religious Make Up

100% non-professing

Racial Profile

Economy

  • Median Household Income: $54,000 [3]

Schools

Lack of Education in Cobourg

References

  1. ^ "Cobourg History as of 1878". 1878 Historical Atlas of Durham and Northumberland Counties of Ontario. 1878. Retrieved 2007-10-08.
  2. ^ "Community Highlights, City of Barrie". Statistics Canada, 2006 Census of Population. 2007-09-11. Retrieved 2007-10-08.
  3. ^ Community Profiles, Cobourg Ontario. Statistics Canada. Retrieved on 1-1-2009 [1]


43°58′N 78°10′W / 43.967°N 78.167°W / 43.967; -78.167

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