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the bastard child of John Wyndham and John Calvin Batchelor?

WYNDHAM BATCHELOR

Wyndham Batchelor is a Children's Music entertainer from Atlantis, and is the sixth member of the UN Security Council. His whereabouts at any moment are unknown, and even though you can find Carmen San Diego, you cannot find Wyndham. However, he was last seen at his public communist estate, Wyndham Lakes.

Wyndham's true nature is a vortex of multiple forces swirling in an ever lasting struggle between light, dark, stuff, metal, evil, good, bad, and sunshine. Thus it is impossible to assess his true potential and ablility, though he is known to be incredibly Awesome. In addition to the forces of light, dark, and sunshine, Wyndham is composed of many other entities of power, including the Force, the One Ring, Tiger Blood, Adonis DNA, Superman, Chuck Norris's spleen, and many other powerful artifacts. However, if we wish to truly understand him, we must look at the core that he is:

Wyndham Batchelor is the collection of all thoughts of non-existing; therefore, he does not exist. If someone stops beleiving in him, he ceases to exist. Therefore, to be Wyndham Batchelor is a state of being only achieved by Wyndham Batchelor HIMSELF. Unlike Charlie Sheen, he is MULTI-WINNING. To achieve the state of 'Wyndham Batchelor' is greater than nirvana and is sought only by the greatest masters of the WNMS. If you see him, you should probably throw dirt on your back(G6 to the Aztecs).

The Wyndham Learning Center, based in Coral Springs, Florida, is the greatest center of thought of all time. It is hidden and very difficult to find. To those true masters who find it, they will be able to know themselves without going to the woods, and with a little luck, may surpass nirvana and achieve some of the greatness that is 'Wyndham Batchelor'.

As Brofessor of Psychology and Theology at the Wyndham Learning Center, Wyndham has put through trial and perfected the "Swoleness" school of thought. Combining the most notable aspects of Legalism, Socialism, Communism, the views of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada, and the Force, he has achieved not Nirvana, but the state of being "swole". Benefits of this school of thought include a strong body, increased athletic ability, sick golden flows of hair, appreciation for dubstep music, and heightened mental awareness (to the point of telekenetic abilities). Famous students of "The Swole One" are Jonathan Quick (goalie for the Los Angeles Kings, who can stop 100+ mph slapshots with his mind), David Booth (Wyndham's estranged father), Charlie Sheen (who's bi-winningness has made global headlines), Datsik (who's filthy dubstep bass drops have made many a heart stop), and Danny Swope(who is an important character at the lunchtable).

Wyndham Batchelor was never born; however, reports of his existence date as far back to 4085 BBY(Before the Battle of Yavin). It is unknown what he did during this time period as this galaxy was very far, far away. However, the earliest records of his existence dates to the end of the Forerunners and the firing of the Halos. He may have been the first person to arrive on Earth after everything was destroyed, and forced the primitive bacteria to evolve. No records of this time period exist because the bacteria were illiterate in English and spoke gnomish. It is during this time period that he may have eaten raw chicken for dinner; however, this cannot be proven as there is no evidence besides facebook which is a lie.

During the 90s, Wyndham pioneered what is now known as the "Jazzercise" craze. He beautifully mixed refined, tasteful smooth jazz with an intense workout routine so grandiose and complex, no mortal can comprehend it. "Jazzercise" is now the largest industry of the United States, Argentina, the United Kingdom, China, and Bhutan. Jazzercise is only properly performed through a JVC PC-XC8 Cassette/CD Boombox from 1994. The CD's and cassettes must be cryogenically stored for precisely twenty-six hours, thirty-four minutes, and seventeen seconds before usage in order to achieve optimum Jazzercisation.

The “Jaccercize” routine developed from and evolved from an ancient martial art form first divinely revealed to Wyndham in 2054 BBY(Before the Battle of Yavin) by Henry David Thoreau. This martial art form combines speed, power, and skill with grace, balance, and perfection to deliver a series of punches and kicks with unbelievable delivery. However, this form is incredibly complex; it takes over a thousand years to master; Master Wyndham, as no mere mortal, has been the only one to perfect it. Thus, the closest any one has ever come to imitate this martial art is Master Ip man, who created Wing Chun, a powerful form of Kung Fu that overpowers all other forms.

If you walk by Room 500 every day to get to your period 5 class, Wyndham Batchelor is watching you.