Wikipedia:Peer review/Yogo sapphire/archive2

Yogo sapphire

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because Yogo sapphires are quintessentially representative of Montana and I want the article to be as good as it can be.

Thanks, PumpkinSky talk 23:13, 15 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

See PR draft here: User:Wehwalt/Sandbox6 PumpkinSky talk 22:38, 22 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Grapple X

Not sure the second paragraph of the lead should be up so high; I'd probably bump it down, unchanged, to third or fourth. To me, information about the gemstones themselves should be further to the forefront than information about their provenance.

"It became highly profitable English Mine, which flourished from 1899 until the late 1920s and, under a series of changing owners, periodically operated into the early 21st century." -> I'd stick a "the" in there before "English Mine", perhaps even going as far as to phrase it as "It became known as the English Mine, which continued highly profitably from 1899..."

"At the 1900 Exposition Universelle in Paris, Yogo sapphires received a silver medal for color and clarity." -> Both here, and when the subject is mentioned again, it would be good to clarify whether this means they placed second in a field of other gems being judged on these qualities, or if they were independently graded regardless of other gems.

Is there an etymology for why "yogo" may mean "going over the hill" (as in, is it still Blackfoot we're talking about)?

Might be worth explaining what "color zoning" is. It's only a minor aside so it shouldn't interrupt flow really.

File:PurpleY6Br.jpg and File:PearY6Bv.jpg are both aligned vertically with each other very close together; perhaps moving one to be left-aligned would create a little variance.

Just checking now, but there are a few duplicate links in there that'll need sorting out. User:Ucucha/duplinks should prove useful. There are also instances when a term is linked after several instances of it occurring unlinked; "dike" is an example of this.

"Among other local residents was a young cowhand hired by Hoover, who became the western painter C.M. Russell" -> This needs rephrasing, as it is it makes it seem like the cowhand assumed Russell's identity (Batman-style). Not sure how I'd rephrase it without rewriting the whole sentence and perhaps the following one, though.

Some of the information in the "early mining" section seems a bit coatrack-ish. I'm not sure we need too much about residents of a mining town when the town itself is already an aside to the main subject.

"They quickly recouped the purchase price by washing the tailings left behind by previous operators of the American Mine" -> Perhaps a little more explaining what washing tailings is/does. This is the end of the section so you don't need to worry too much about flow.

"Rockhounds" could probably do with a link to amateur geology.

"Baron organized German and Thai gemcutters and had success in marketing Yogos in America—the first time that occurred in 50 years." -> "the first such success in 50 years"

"becoming the 14th American company to work the Yogo dike" -> I would spell out "fourteenth" here; using numerals for numbers over ten is fine but in ordinals I've always found it jarring.

"The Thais had even purchased large quantities of naturally colorless Sri Lankan sapphires," -> I'd suggest changing "The Thais" to "Thai businesses" or "Thai traders" or something similar.

"most often reported as being 9 carats (1.8 g) in size, though it has also been described as 12 carats (2.4 g) and even 18 carats (3.6 g), though the latter number is the carat weight of the gold setting." -> The second "though" could probably be switched to "however".

That's all I saw looking over things. I haven't had a look at sources though, might check that out over the next few days. GRAPPLE X 23:10, 24 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]