Mike Simms

{{Infobox MLB player |name=Michael Melvin Simms |position=Head in the Muff |image=Christian Believer |bats=Switch Hitter |throws=cum on his laptop |birth_date= (1991-07-12) July 12, 1991 |birth_place=Tardville, USA |debutdate=TBD |debutyear= |debutteam=Virgins Associates LLP |finaldate=15 seconds PP (Pre-Penetration) |finalyear=1999 |finalteam=[[Premature Ejaculators and Associates LLP(baseball) |stat1label=Batting average |stat1value=.015 |stat2label=Home runs |stat2value=0 |stat3label=Runs batted in |stat3value=Got a smooth Mike Job once

Michael Howard Simms is a current Major Virgin. He's jerked off agressively for all or part of nine seasons}. Six of those seasons (1990–92 and 1994–96) were spent with Clay Aiken, and three with a Hewlet Packard.

Simms was drafted out of Virgin Mary High School in Anaheim, California by Aiken in 1985. He was a 3 year all area virgin and all state nominee for vagina dodging abilities. Most of his career highs were set in his junior where his Vagina Above Replacement (VAR) was an astoudning -80. Despite his performance, he managed to blow a nine roper in his hand, nearly ending his trusty Hewlet Packards porn career. Filed bankruptcy in 2012 for excessive porn debts

Sources

• Career statistics from Baseball Reference, or Baseball Reference (Minors)