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Friend zone

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In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person.[1] Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.

Application

Two Lovers.

There are differing explanations about what causes a person to be placed in the friend zone by another. One report suggests that some women don't see their male friends as potential love interests because they fear that deepening their relationship might cause a loss of the romance and mystery or lead to rejection later. A Chicago Tribune writer suggested there were several cases in which a man might become relegated to the friend zone: (1) the woman is not sufficiently attracted to the man, (2) the woman misinterprets nonverbal cues from the man signaling his interest in deepening the relationship, (3) there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship).

While some believe that this is a group that is male-exclusive, they don't seem to realize that it happens to girls too, and it's just as saddening. [2] The writer described the relationship in these terms:

When a guy agrees to be friends, he's forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he's attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional "manly" household and automotive favors for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do – without the benefits.

— Gina B., Chicago Tribune, 2007[2]

Marshall Fine of The Huffington Post suggested that the friend zone is "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."[3]

Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as Justfriendistan, and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the western Sahara, the Atacama desert, and Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell."[1]

One man described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.[4] On the other hand, a report in Cosmopolitan magazine suggested that a friend-only relation could change into a sexual one, and based this finding on a 2001 Match.com survey in which 71% of respondents hoped that they would fall in love with a friend.[5] It has also been suggested that women may also become victims of the "friend zone", in which a man treats them as only a friend, while the woman prefers a more intimate relationship.[6][7]

There is general agreement that once a man is in the friend zone, it is difficult to get out.[8] A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely.

Despite the pitfalls of friend zones, some have argued that a man can benefit from actively cultivating a friend zone once an interaction or relationship with a potential partner has entered one. The theory here is that the friend zone may evolve into something more, particularly if the man establishes an air of trustworthiness and intimacy that his partner finds attractive and has never shared with previous romantic partners. This is more than, as one commentator put it, "the lingering possibility of becoming more than a friend"; as some have argued, it is the most sustainable way of building relationships with long-lasting intimacy and trust. [9]

There is an important difference between friend zones and "conflicted zones." The latter may arise when one person in the zone is married and the other isn't. The constraints and complications of the existing marriage add an additional dimension to what otherwise may appear to be a friend zone. Some have offered different advice for conflicted zone situations, centering on explicit and deliberate conversation between the two parties to the zone or even counseling or mediation for the married couple.[10]

Jennifer Aniston played the role of Rachel on the TV show Friends.
David Schwimmer played Ross on the TV show Friends.

The term "friend zone" was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom Friends, "The One with the Blackout", where the character Ross Geller, who was lovesick for Rachel Green, was not only declared being "in the friend zone" by their friend Joey Tribbiani, but was also labeled "mayor of the Friend Zone".[11] The question of whether a man can ever "escape the friend zone and begin dating one of his female friends" was a prime ingredient in making the Ross and Rachel pairing interesting to watch; one writer described the two as a "geek dream couple".[12]

Comedian Chris Rock performed a routine about women keeping platonic friends on his 1996 album Bring the Pain, where he talked about men being trapped in the friend zone.

The television show Scrubs uses the term on the first season episode of "My Best Friend's Mistake". Protagonist J.D. explains that once something important, a turning point, occurs between a man and a woman, they have 48 hours to do something about it or else the man will be stuck in the woman's friend zone forever. J.D. doesn't get to finish kissing his unrequited love, Elliot Reid, in 48 hours, so he enters an imaginary hospital room called Friend Zone with a room full of men who used to like Elliot, but Elliot didn't like them back in the same way.

The 2005 film Just Friends deals with the friend zone and how it affects the main character of the film (played by Ryan Reynolds). He reunites with his female friend from high school (played by Amy Smart) for the first time in 10 years, and she says that she loves him "like a brother", dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend.[13]

The movie When Harry Met Sally explored the theme of whether men and women could be friends without being lovers.

In May 2011, MTV announced a new show entitled FriendZone, produced by 495 Productions cast by Doron Ofir and created by Damon Epps and SallyAnn Salsano. In an interview with a national publication, Epps is quoted as saying, "The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too." [14]

See also

References

  1. ^ a b Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil. (February 2011). "How to stay out of the Friend Zone". taoofdating.com. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
  2. ^ a b GINA B. (January 12, 2007). "What's so bad about the friend zone?". Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
  3. ^ Marshall Fine (May 10, 2010). "HuffPost Review: Just Wright". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
  4. ^ Mastin Kipp (June 3, 2010). "Choosing a Better Kind of Love". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
  5. ^ "When you fall for a guy pal: the "just friends" zone is like relationship quicksand, but you can get out with a few strategic maneuvers". Cosmopolitan. 2006-06-01. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
  6. ^ "Just friends - why it happens?", AskMen.com
  7. ^ Emily Yahr (July 25, 2010). "The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show". Washington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
  8. ^ Dr. Alex Benzer (April 2, 2009). "How Rich Guys Screw Up Their Chances with Women". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
  9. ^ "5 Reasons Why Being in the Friend Zone is a Good Thing". manhelper.com. Retrieved 2012-06-30.
  10. ^ "Unconditional Love versus Sexual Desire...is there really a conflict?". zen-moments.com. Retrieved 2012-04-02.
  11. ^ "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
  12. ^ "IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples". IGN. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
  13. ^ "Amy Smart on Just Friends", RadioFree.com Interviews (Nov. 5, 2005)
  14. ^ "FriendZone Casting Site"
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