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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by TonyTheTiger (talk | contribs) at 08:02, 11 February 2014 (→Comments from Figureskatingfan: update progress). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Orel Hershiser's scoreless inning streak

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I have made a lot of changes to address feedback at its original FAC. I am hoping for some criticism to guide me toward FAC2. TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 09:05, 12 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jim Text much more intelligible to a non-American

  • I'm still confused whether it's inning or innings, they seem to be used interchangeably
An "inning" is singular, "innings" is more than 1. Y2Kcrazyjoker4 (talk • contributions) 20:24, 5 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I have been going back and forth on this. I moved the page and am now apt to move it back. The streak describes 59 consecutive scoreless innings. I.e., this is a consecutive scoreless innings streak article. However, I guess when I moved the page to innings I was thinking about Cal Ripken's consecutive games streak, which I think is correctly referred to in plural. However, without the word consecutive for some reason, I am not so sure it should be plural. I think you might talk about Dimaggio's consecutive hits streak, but Dimaggio's hit streak. In fact, I think it is common to say a Player X's ##-game hit streak, in the singular. Maybe I should move the page back to inning. Feedback welcome.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 06:46, 6 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I might have another look if I get time

Comments from Figureskatingfan

As per Tony's request, I will PR this article. My initial impressions are the same as they've been for many sports articles: too much sports terminology and concepts that outsiders won't understand. Although I know very little about baseball, sometimes having an uninvolved non-expert is beneficial, since I'm able to look at it with fresh eyes and see things that someone close to the topic often can't. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 21:22, 8 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for stopping by. I am still a bit bewildered by the responses to this article. I would never go to Theory of relativity and tell the editor to only use terms everyone understands because this is a general encyclopedia. I don't really understand why sports are any different.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 00:06, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome, but I don't know how to respond, Tony. While it's true that I don't work on science articles, I've had plenty of reviewers in my literature articles tell me to define a term and make it more accessible to non-experts and to a general audience. Take what you can and leave the rest, as they say; it's up to you to decide what feedback to use, of course. There are many more problems with this article than just how the terms are used, though. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 00:58, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Prelude

Streak

  • You begin the 1st 2 sentences with "the streak", plus the 2nd sentence is too long and wordy. How about doing this: "It began on August 30 against the Expos, after seven-time All-Star Tim Raines scored with two outs in the 5th inning, and ended on April 5 against the Cincinnati Reds, when Baseball Hall of Famer Barry Larkin scored, with two outs, in the first inning."
  • The word "during" appears 17 times in this article. I suggest going through and re-wording, for variety sake. Many times you can just remove the phrase "during the streak", since that's the subject of the article, anyway.
  • During the streak, Hershiser caused opposing teams to leave 30 runners on base, which was five fewer than Drysdale had, according to the Chicago Tribune. Please clarify what you mean by leaving runners on base. What does the "according to" modify; when you put it at the end like this, it seems like it only modifies the final phrase.
  • Next sentence: it sounds like you have two different and conflicting reports. I have an idea how to handle this, but I need the previous issue addressed first.
  • The next 2 sentences are unclear. Did H not throw a sinker during the streak? Is there any way you can briefly explain how he used the splint-finger fastball as a sinker?
  • 1st sentence, 2nd paragraph: "Heralded" is a peacock term. I'm not sure you need to make a distinction between the national and local press, especially since one of the national outlets is The L.A. Times. What does "Cy Young challenger" mean?
  • Final sentence, 2nd paragraph: The information about H's son feels out of place here. I wonder if you should put it earlier, in the "Prelude" section, to give the streak context. Perhaps you can say that H's thoughts were primarily on his son during most of the time period.
  • Hershiser was linked to Drysdale by the sports media after reaching 49 consecutive innings by way of a favorable umpire ruling similar to how Drysdale benefited from an umpire ruling during his streak. A little wordy. How about: "After Hershiser reached 49 consecutive innings because of a favorable umpire ruling, the sports media compared him to Drysdale, who had a similar incident occur during his streak." Was this the first time the media compared H and D? If so, you could add it.
  • Despite the official rule change... Meaning unclear; please explain.
  • I think that even though you link it, you should briefly explain the Cy Young award.
  • What's the difference between "the pennant race" and "the division title"?
    • This difference came into being in 1969 when expansion caused the National League and American League to each split into East and West divisions. Once upon a time winning a pennant meant winning either the National or American League regular season championship, which meant a trip to the world series. Teams would fly pennants on their flag poles to signify their championships. So the regular season was a race to win a pennant. Now team compete to win divisions or wild card playoff berths to compete in the post season for the American and National League titles. Let me know what you want me to do on this sentence, given that pennant race is now linked in the LEAD.--TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 07:10, 11 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • Only when the total reached 49, did Hershiser feel that the record was within reach. Too informal. How about: "When the total reached 49, Hershiser began to feel, for the first time, that the record was within reach."

Stopping here so I can make sure I don't lose any work again. Yes, it's already happened. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 22:18, 9 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Sept. 5 - Why was Perranoski dismayed?

Sept. 10

Sept. 14

  • Although Drysdale's record was being mentioned after he reached 31 consecutive innings... "Was being mentioned": use of the past possessive is incorrect here; omit the word "being".
  • Orel and wife Jamie, scheduled induced labor for the following day. This is the first time you talk about the birth of H's child in the daily sections. I wonder if you should mention that H was about to be a father earlier, in the prelude. Was this his first child? Was it a difficult pregnancy? Why did they induce labor? Also, the use of the comma is incorrect here.

Sept. 19

  • Houston's most dangerous threats occurred on Dodger errors:... Please clarify, and use more formal language.
  • Then a Griffin error on a Glenn Davis ground ball put Hershiser's streak in peril. Please re-state; again, too informal.
  • The game marked Hershiser's sixth shutout of the season (fourth consecutive), making him the first Dodger since Drysdale in 1968 to record four consecutive. I think you need to move the parenthetical. Plus, the sentence is incomplete: "four consecutive" what? How about: "The game marked Hershiser's sixth (and fourth) consecutive shutout of the season, making him the first Dodger since Drysdale in 1968 to record four consecutive shutouts."
  • This shutout was wedged between Dodger shutouts by John Tudor with relief from Alejandro Pena on September 18 and Tim Belcher on September 20. Please clarify and make more formal. What does "wedged between" mean? Explain what you mean by "with relief from ...Pena". This sentence makes it seem like Tudor did both shutouts. If he did, you don't need to change anything; if he didn't, I have suggestions to make after you clarify.
  • 1st sentence, 2nd paragraph: Replace "his" with "Hershiser", just in case someone doesn't understand that's who you're talking about.
  • Upon winning that day with his fourth consecutive complete game shutout, Hershiser had reduced the Dodgers' magic number to five over the Cincinnati Reds. Another prepositional phrase. How about: "Hershiser, by winning that day with his fourth consecutive complete game shutout, had reduced the Dodgers' magic number to five over the Cincinnati Reds."

I'll stop here. The prose seems to improve in these dates sections. I'll try and look at more in the next couple of days. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 04:10, 10 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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