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Talk:Educating the Disfranchised and Disinherited/GA1

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< Talk:Educating the Disfranchised and Disinherited

This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Jaguar (talk | contribs) at 21:47, 7 April 2015 (→Initial comments). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 21:32, 7 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]


I don't think this was in my college library... I should complete this by tomorrow ☠ Jaguar ☠ 21:32, 7 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

  • The lead prose is looking choppy. Instances like "General Samuel Chapman Armstrong and his Hampton Institute, a missionary, normal school in postbellum Virginia" took me a few attempts for me to make sense out of it. What does Hampton university, a missionary and a normal school have in common here? The lead is the first thing a reader looks at and it must summarise clearly. I'm not too sure what to make out of it!
  • The second paragraph could be expanded a little to sum up the reception section. "They felt the book lacked community and state historical context" - was this the book's only criticism?
  • "Robert Francis Engs's Educating the Disfranchised and Disinherited: Samuel Chapman Armstrong and Hampton Institute, 1839–1893" - is this the actual full title of the book?
  • "Engs's Armstrong, in "paternal ... arrogance" believed that he and others of higher status" - ???
  • " and served as the first principal of the Hampton Institute in Virginia's Virginia Peninsula" - perhaps the Virginia Peninsula would sound more like it?
  • Just curious, should the "References" section be renamed to Bibliography?

On hold

An interesting read - I couldn't find many prose issues but with the ones I did I found them confusing and could not make out what it trurly meant. Hopefully this can be clarified before the GAN closes. The lead could be expanded a little to summarise and would also benefit from a minor copyedit. The toolserver is currently down so I had to check the references manually; they all seem good. Sorry for the short review and please let me know if you have any questions ☠ Jaguar ☠ 21:47, 7 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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