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Talk:Ben Affleck/GA3

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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Popeye191 (talk | contribs) at 12:22, 11 April 2017 (→GA Review). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

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Reviewer: Numerounovedant (talk · contribs) 12:44, 3 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]


So, I guess it'll be me reviewing this after all. I'll go through the review section-wise, will put up the first batch of comments soon. NumerounovedantTalk 12:44, 3 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Popeye191 (talk) 14:43, 4 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The article is very thorough, and well substantiated, as it stands now, I have been through every section other than the Film Career, which might take take some time, and some concerns:

  • The Lead doesn't really establish much of a narrative, and feels more like cluttered list of his credits. You might want to restructure it in accordance woth the manual of style. It's missing any mention of his early life, some of his prominent roles might need more attention and the first paragraph should be split into two/ the latter half can be merged into the second paragraph. Try to cut down on some roles to avoid cluttering.
I've had a go at rewording the lead - added an introductory sentence, where he grew up, removed some films. Let me know if it's what you meant. The Atlantic summed up his career with this line: "Like many Hollywood actors, Ben Affleck’s career has been defined by epic highs and sweeping lows—over more than 20 years, he’s been an indie darling, a marquee idol, a comic-book superhero two times over, an Academy Award-winning director, and the star of critical and financial flops like Daredevil, Jersey Girl, and Gigli." Popeye191 (talk) 13:52, 7 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Throughout the article, you use the phrase In X year, (at times in quick succession). You might want to rephrase the sentences in parts, here is a quick example. When an article reads in a repetitive fashion, it tends to sound monotonous as the reader progresses. While with an article this huge repetiton is unavoidable, we can still keep it to the minimum.
Edited some of the 'in X' dates Popeye191 (talk) 20:48, 7 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'll keep offering some minor copy-edits as we progress. Cheers. NumerounovedantTalk 11:47, 6 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Impressive work on the article, here are some comments:

  • "Chasing Amy was a landmark moment for the actor." - You might want to rephrase using "The film" and maybe by replacing "landmark" by "breakthrough"?
Fixed Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Todd McCarthy of Variety found him "excellent" while Janet Maslin of The New York Times noted" - missing comma
Fixed Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Upon release, Janet Maslin of The New York Times praised the "smart and touching screenplay" while Emanuel Levy" - same.
Fixed Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • You'll have to rephrase The New York Times review for Phantoms. try and paraphrasing larger quotes so as to not clutter the article with direct quotations.
Reworded first sentence of quote Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Emanuel Levy of Variety praised his "bravura turn" while" - comma.
Fixed Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Bounce (2002) - no need for "(2002)".
Fixed Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Also in 2000, he provided the voice of Joseph in the animated Joseph: King of Dreams." - ref?
Added ref from Variety Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

There are few instances of long-ish direct quotes, mostly in reviews. You might go trya nd rephrase them to both avoid QUOTEFARM and make the article read more smoothly.

Thanks, will go through the article with this in mind later today Popeye191 (talk) 10:21, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I've now trimmed some direct quotes. Do you think there are still too many? Popeye191 (talk) 19:16, 10 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

More to follow. NumerounovedantTalk 06:16, 8 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

After going through the article I believe that it's quite thorough and fairly well complied However, there are a little too many direct quotes even as if stands currently, also worrisome are the poorly punctuated sentences. These are not the biggest concerns to stop the article for being listed, but the References section most definitely is. You'll have to work on it, fill in the missing authors, dates, accessdates, bare URLs, and the publishers, which further need to be checked. Once that is done I'll go through the article one last time. But looking at the reference section it might take you a while. Let me know if you have any questions. NumerounovedantTalk 09:12, 11 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I'll work on the References section over the next few days and post again when I've finished. Can you please give me some examples of poorly punctuated sentences in the article? Thanks, Popeye191 (talk) 12:22, 11 April 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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