Tough love
Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run.
In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love.[1][2]
The term has been appropriated to justify authoritarian parenting[3] and boot camps for teenagers which Maia Szalavitz characterizes as abusive.[4] The National Institutes of Health noted that "get tough treatments do not work and there is some evidence that they may make the problem worse".[5] Szalavitz believes tough love rhetoric encourages unnecessarily harsh rules, "brutal confrontations", and a presumption that pain produces growth.[6][7]
The British think tank Demos asserts that tough love, understood as authoritative parenting in contrast to authoritarian parenting, is beneficial in the development of preferred character traits in children up to five years old.[8]
The phrase "tough love" itself is believed to have originated with Bill Milliken's book of the same title[a] in 1968.[7][9][10][3][b]
See also
Notes
- ^ The book is Milliken, B., & Meredith, C. (1968). Tough love. Old Tappan, N.J: F.H. Revell Co.
- ^ The first use of the term in professional literature appears to be Alcohol Highway-traffic Safety Workshop for the Judiciary. U.S. Government Printing Office. 1974. pp. II–76.
Citations
- ^ Vine, Sarah. Tough love or TLC?, The Times, 31 August 2007.
- ^ Jardine, Cassandra. "The ultimate betrayal or just tough love?", Daily Telegraph, 4 March 2009.
- ^ a b Hawkes 2016, p. 62.
- ^ Szalavitz, Maia. "The Trouble With Tough Love", Washington Post, 28 January 2006.
- ^ 2004 Youth Violence Prevention, National Institute of Health.
- ^ Szalavitz 2006.
- ^ a b Jung 2015, p. 109.
- ^ "Tough love 'is good for children'", BBC News, 8 November 2009.
- ^ Hall, Hall & Daman 2010, p. 162.
- ^ Miller 2009, p. 86.
References
- Hall, Douglas A.; Hall, Judy; Daman, Steve (2010). The cat and the toaster: Living system ministry in a technological age. Urban Voice. Wipf & Stock. ISBN 978-1-60899-270-6.
{{cite book}}: Invalid|ref=harv(help) - Hawkes, Tim (2016). Ten Conversations You Must Have with Your Son: Preparing Your Son for a Happy and Successful Life. Penguin. ISBN 978-1-101-99225-8.
{{cite book}}: Invalid|ref=harv(help) - Jung, J.H. (2015). The Concept of Care in Curriculum Studies: Juxtaposing Currere and Hakbeolism. Studies in Curriculum Theory Series. Taylor & Francis. ISBN 978-1-317-38462-5.
{{cite book}}: Invalid|ref=harv(help) - Miller, C.J. (2009). Repentance: A Daring Call to Real Surrender. CLC Publications. ISBN 978-1-936143-63-4. Retrieved 21 September 2017.
{{cite book}}: Invalid|ref=harv(help) - Szalavitz, Maia (2006). Help at any cost: How the troubled-teen industry cons parents and hurts kids. Riverhead. ISBN 978-1-59448-910-5.
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External links
The dictionary definition of tough love at Wiktionary
