Talk:Assistive Domotics
Jenna Peer Review
[edit]Lead
- I liked how you defined "assistive domotics" as opposed to the original article which doesn't really do that
- I would get rid of "or events" just because I think the sentence is kind of wordy
- "uses much of the same" or "utilizes" - you just have a double in there
- Overall good lead, introduces your topic clearly
Advantages
- I think you definitely touch on the main advantages, and I see you condensed the original advantages section? I think that works
Telehealth Implementation
- "Telehealth involves the remote treatment via telecommunication technology to improve patient health status through preventive, promotive, and curative aspects of healthcare (Gellis, 2012). It encompasses preventive, promotive and curative aspects of health" this part is kind of repetitive
- "Telehealth offers the opportunity to complement the existing healthcare system, improve its flexibility, decrease healthcare costs, and provide a more efficient use of medical resources, cost-effective benefits, and increased medical care services to underserved areas via the use of electronic information and telecommunication technologies (van den Berg, 2012)." I think this sentence is a little long, I would end it after medical resources
- In the next three sections, I think it leans more towards a literature review than a wikipedia article, so I would maybe try to synthesize/draw conclusions from each of the studies you mentioned and incorporate them into one section
Challenges
- I don't know if "Cost-effectiveness" really captures what is talked about in this section
I think you added successfully to this article. The Telehealth Implementation section is definitely an interesting topic in the field of assistive domotics. Be sure when you publish the article to cite your sources with the Wikipedia tool button thing, you don't need to do parenthetical citation. If you don't want to kind of merge your Telehealth subsections, you could maybe just add a sentence or two at the end of each relating it back to the overall topic, i.e., if studies found that telehealth significance is ambiguous/more research is needed, how might this affect assistive domotics in the future or if it's not cost-effective what might an alternative be? I think I noted a few grammar things I personally would change but overall great job!! You cite reputable studies I think and your edits are objective and add value to the article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jgreen262 (talk • contribs) 18:10, 22 February 2018 (UTC)
Bon Jae Peer Review
[edit]Lead
-Where are your citations?
-Interesting topic, paragraph does introduce topic in a clear manner
Advantages
-Need citations
Telehealth implementation
- Definitely looks more like a literature review than the structure of a wikipedia article
- Maybe condense it all into one section, take one thing from each study that you mentioned and mention that into the one section
- Again, need citations
Challenges
-cost-effectiveness does not seem like a "challenge" in my opinion
-Can you explain more about comparability? It is still a bit vague and needs more explanation
-any other challenges relating to assistive demotics?
Hanalei,
Good information that you are adding to the domestics for the elderly page--particularly the information about telemedicine. In that sections specifically, I would like to see a bit more synthesis of ideas so it doesn't read too much like a review article. Maybe breaking up your discussions of the sources topically (as opposed to individual source) might be a good way to do this? Happy to discuss further and assist! Also, remember that short, declarative statements that are backed with references are preferred to longer, more essay-like sentences. Amyc29 (talk) 03:34, 25 February 2018 (UTC)