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Talk:Countdown (Star Trek: Enterprise)/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Yellow Dingo (talk · contribs) 09:28, 5 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this soon. - Yellow Dingo(talk) 09:28, 5 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Review

GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):
    b (citations to reliable sources):
    c (OR):
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):
    b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Overall:
Pass/Fail:

· · ·


1a

Lead
  • ""Countdown" is the 23rd episode of the third season of the American science fiction television series Star Trek: Enterprise; the 76th episode overall." - Doesn't read well and parts of it are ambiguous. I'd write: "Countdown" is the 23rd episode of the third season of the American science fiction television series Star Trek: Enterprise and is the 76th episode overall in the series." Or, alternatively, you could break it up into two sentences: Countdown is....series Star Trek: Enterprise. It is the 76th episode overall in the series.
  • "It first aired on May 19, 2004, on the UPN network within the United States." Is this saying that the UPN network is in the US or that the episode first aired in the US on May 19, 2004 and that it was aired later on in other places? Make it more clear.
  • "Season three of Enterprise features an ongoing story following an attack on Earth by previously unknown aliens called the Xindi." - Reads poorly. I would suggest: "Season three of Enterprise features an ongoing storyline that follows an attack on Earth by aliens called the Xindi, a group of aliens that didn't appear in preceding series."
  • "But the superweapon departs for Earth, with Archer in pursuit on-board a Xindi vessel." - You shouldn't start a sentence with "but". "However" would be a better word choice.
  • "Major Hayes (Seven Culp)" - typo should be Steven Culp
  • "Roughly 3.5 million viewers watched "Countdown" on the first broadcast." - the → it's
Plot
  • "Ensign Hoshi Sato (Linda Park)" - you have already stated Sato's actor only a paragraph earlier. No need to repeat.
  • It's just the style I go with for the Trek articles. There's no actual guidelines for it, and some editors repeat the actors in both the lead and the plot sections, others don't, and some (horrifically in my view) don't include the actors in the plot at all. Although if you do find a guideline, I'm happy to be corrected (especially as then I can point at it to stop people placing the actors there at all... it just looks wrong to me). Miyagawa (talk) 14:49, 5 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "with neural-parasites while a prisoner of the Xindi-Reptilians." - and "while she is" between "parasites" and "a" to make it clear what you mean
  • "Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula)" - again no need to mention Baluka for a second time
  • "With time running out and the Xindi superweapon about to be armed, Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) tries to persuade the Xindi-Aquatics to help destroy it." - Having the time fragment first means the last part of the sentence implies that the object being destroyed is "time". You should say: "With the Xindi superweapon about to be armed and time running out,..."
  • "Malcolm Reed (Dominic Keating)" - no need to mention Keating
  • "Major Hayes (Steven Culp)" - no need to mention Culp

That is all I have time for now. I'll come back soon (probably tomorrow) to finish my review. This is decent article but has a few issues that need to be fixed. - Yellow Dingo(talk) 10:54, 5 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review so far, I've responded to the lead/plot comments. Miyagawa (talk) 14:49, 5 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Plot continued
  • "Inside, having witnessed the interference of the Guardians, the Insectoid leader begins to doubt the motives of the Reptilians." - inside what?
Production
  • "Countdown" also saw the return of Star Trek: Voyager alumni Robert Duncan McNeill as director for the second time during season three, after previously working on "Twilight". - doesn't really make sense. A reader could be confused into thinking that it was McNeill's second return. I would rephrase it as: "Countdown" also saw the return of Star Trek: Voyager alumni Robert Duncan McNeill as director. The episode was his second as director in season three after previously working on "Twilight".
  • "alumni" - would make more sense if it said "actor". "Alumni" is more commonly used for University/School students.
  • "For the scenes set inside the ships of the Xindi-Aquatics and the Xindi-Insectoids, those were created in post-production rather than using physical sets." - reads poorly. I'd say: The scenes set inside the ships of the Xindi-Aquatics and the Xindi-Insectoids were created in post-production rather than using physical sets.
  • "both been build" - build → built
  • "Buildings, played by Josette DiCarlo, Mary Mara and Ruth Williamson, were" - Per MOS:SEMICOLON ("Semicolons are used in addition to commas to separate items in a listing, when commas alone would result in confusion.") the comma after "Buildings" and the comma before "were" should be semi-colons (;)
  • Realised this was a different mistake to the one you've said. It should have been "Builders" - the three actresses played the three Sphere Builder characters. I've corrected it from Buildings to Builders - let me know if it still needs the semi-colon. Miyagawa (talk) 10:31, 6 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "as he had been cast and filmed an appearance" - "an → "for an"
Reception and home media release
  • "three DVD box set, released in the United States on September 27, 2005." - "...box set which was released in..."

2a

Note: All ref numbers taken from this revision

Other

  • What is the point linking to Star Trek in the 3rd external link?

Final comments

Article looks good and the above are all minor. Thanks for your replies to the first set of comments; I have replied to one above. I am going to put this article on hold so you can make required to make this article meet WP:WIAGA. - Yellow Dingo(talk) 09:57, 6 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks, I've responded to the other comments, and made the changes where you've suggested. The only one I've not done is that Sphere Builders semi-colon, but that was only because I noticed a different mistake in the same place. Let me know if there's anything else - thank you for reviewing. Miyagawa (talk) 10:31, 6 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

OK Miyagawa well done on this article. It now meets the criteria and I'll promote to GA status. Once again, well done! - Yellow Dingo(talk) 10:41, 6 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

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