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You know, I've noticed some people have "Against Gun Control" badges on their pages. Ain't that sweet? These are mostly the same bright people who are against abortion, for religion, and against homosexuality. As George Carlin puts it, "these crypto-Fascists, they're against homosexuality, they're against pornography, they're against sex education, they're against abortion... This is a country where tobacco kills 400,000 people a year- so they ban artificial sweeteners! Because a rat died! This is a place where gun store owners are given a list of stolen credit cards, but not a list of criminals and maniacs! And now they're thinking about banning toys guns, and they're going to keep the fucking real ones! It's the old American double standard, you know say one thing.. do something different."
So yeah, anyway, these are pretty much the same yuppie Christians who are against all that, but they're all for The Right To Life™. Well, I just thought I'd put up a quote from a television series which I find amusingly truthful.
"Well, of all the causes to take up, AIDS, cancer... hunger, poverty. I've always felt there was something special about people who commit themselves to guns. Anyone I suppose could contribute to a shelter or help the needy, but it takes a true American to dedicate himself to firearms. And you know what? We need people like you. Our country's getting a bad rep just because we kill each other. Well, that's manly... shooting people. United States, this is were men live. Australia, all their stupid bragging about how tough they are in the outback. They get about... 15 gun homicides a year. What the hell is that? We get ten thousand. The Japanese are even more pathetic. In 1999 for kids between 15 and 19 they didn't have one handgun murder, not one! We had over five thousand! Our teenagers are tough, but it can't happen unless we get the guns out there into their hands and for that we need committed, good people like all of you. Look at these idiots in Washington who think it's wrong for teenagers to have assault rifles. And the stupid Democrats think we should have ten day waiting periods. What happens if you need to kill somebody today? Next thing the government will try to crack down on incest and we won't be able to breed future NRA members. I mean, we are talking about the toothless illiterates that makes this country great. This is America. Get a gun!"
Why don't we get offa mothas, I just got offa yours.
What the fuck?! Do I have a fuckin' sign on my back that says "SAVE ME?"
You got that from Vickers. Work in Essex County, page 98, right? Yeah I read that too.
No. No, no. Fuck you. You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me. Cause I'd do fuckin' anything to have what you got. So would any o' these fuckin' guys.
"Suitor number three... what would our first date be like?" "Well, uh. First, I'd take you shopping, to stores you'd want to shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, um we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio, and we could slow-dance till the sun came up." "That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! I mean, look at you, you're the kind of guy who would beg for sex! And I should know, we can smell our own."
"Suitor number... three: is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake, or a Jackhammer?" "Definitely a jackhammer. I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed." Where do you comeUP with this shit? That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I've ever heard. I saw you kiss and it wasn't anything like that. "Who the hell'd you see me kiss?" "Some dude backstage; I dunno who he was but he seemed unimpressed. "I didn't kiss any guy backstage, I swear! I'm not gay." "Hey suitorette, this guy's a homophobe, you heard how repulsed he sounded. Is this the kinda guy you wanna spend a vacation with, this hatemonger?" "I don't hate gays people!" "So you love them." "Yes. I mean no..." "Textbook closet-case, self-loather. Uncomfortable with his own- sexuality."
"Second suitor, if you were a comic book character, what character would you be?" "Wow.. that's a great question. Tough one though, what does one gauge his response on? Physical prowess, keen detection skills, the ability to banter well with supervillains..." "How's your comic book collection Brodie?" Oh, it's goin' good but, I've been-" [T.S. elbows Brody] "Oh, comics?! What're you talkin' about lady, I don't collect comics, comics are for kids.
"Look, Brandy is the past, my friend, she's behind you now. You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage!"[CLANG- Brody is hit with a metal ladder] You should learn to heed your own advice. Where the hell did that come from, what's goin' on here?!" "Looks like a stage is being erected." "What is this monstrosity?" "Maybe it's for the Easter Bunny pictures." "Impossible, the Easter Bunny Court is down at the other end of the mall, it's been there since two days after Christmas. I want answers!"
Ahh, fuck you! I'm sweatin' my ass off carrying your fuckin' rope around. Must weigh thirty pounds!
You know what I think is psycho, Roc? It's decent men with loving families. They come home every day after work and they turn on the news. You know what they see? They see rapists, murderers, child molesters. They're all getting out of prison. Mafiosos. Getting caught with twenty kilos. Getting out on bail the same fuckin' day. And everywhere, everyone thinks the same thing: that someone should just go kill those motherfuckers. Kill 'em all.
Do not steal, do not kill, do not rape. These are principles that every man of every faith can embrace! These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain. For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it. And we will send you to whatever god, you wish.
I feel like Han Solo, you're Chewie, she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that FUCKED up bar.
Did you see that shit man? I know they were just kids, but we kicked their fuckin' pubeless asses!
Hey man, back in the old days with J.C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle? Mm-mmm.
Oh, I'm Jay, and this is my hetero-lifemate, Silent Bob. I dunno who those kids were, but they woulda kicked yours, and Lunchbox's asses if I hadn't represented.
You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower. I can't wait to die. And why are you watching me? Because you're the one who's going to help me get some changes made in that book you all hold so much stock in. Hustler? The Bible.
